grumpy today

Reason why today I'm an ogre on the inside.

I found a grey hair and I'm sure my hair is thinner up top than it was yesterday.


Reason why today I have a face resembling a cats bum.

I found out that the money I was hoping to get that was going to finally burst me out of the clutches of debt is not only not coming, but I've actually been given an advance so the next one isn't going to bursting nothing neither.


Reason why today there is one dark black cloud contrasting with the sunny happy blue sky.

My entire team was on holidays earlier this week and I finally in control and getting things done, now that the team is back, that work has been taken off me and I've got nothing to do.


Reason why today I'm bringing 8 kinds of scowling.

The last couple of months I've been bored out of my brain because I've been concentrating on fixing my computery RSI, saving moola, getting fit, other things and not only have I not been allowed to do much I enjoy or want to put effort in, I've seen no progress in any of those areas. Mucho frustrato.


Reason why my face has made babies cry and dogs howl.... in other suburbs.

I've tried like, 4 different salsa dance classes and they all have far too many boys and spent half the class standing out looking dagus.


Reason why my knuckles are whiter than a polar bear wearing SPF30 in a blizzard.

I don't get invited to too many things I'm excited about, but I've got two on this weekend and Cara has bugged outta both of them. I don't need her there to have fun at all, but it's this sorta stuff (and some other bits) that makes me think she's in this deal because I make her life awesome and not because she's interested in me or my stuff.


Reason why I'm shaking like a bottle rocket before take off.

My work mates have decided I'm going to teach them beginner salsa at my place on tuesday night before they attempt a class, and I'm over my team leader having great ideas and always pushing them onto other people to actually do (not work stuff, stuff for her parents, partner, etc) and I think I might have other, funner plans... but these workmates are catty, overly emotional and hold grudges.


Reason why Snoop Dogg would say I was 'livid in my schizzid wizzit'.

I have no food in my house (I didn't buy any because I'm going to Melbourne for 3 days) and so I've had the exact same sandwich at the exact same shop yesterday and today, but I paid more for it today.


Reason why I make the angry, rampaging Incredible Hulk look like a cub scout meticulously tying his scarf with a woggle.

I can't find my watch. It is brown. It would match my shoes today.

Adventures with the internet. Part 1 of 1.

I had the most subdued weekend humanly possible and so did some mucking around on that internet. It's a large collection of connected computers - you should take a look at it one day.
Anywho, I saw that thingamigy where the girl has taken one photo of herself everyday for the last four years, and I was like, how boring was that? I idea is brilliant, but I thought the girl could be more interesting, she didn't grow any facial hair in the whole four years, she never died her hair and although she did change glasses, she then changed back.

So, obviously, I was like, whoa! I could do a million times better than that (maybe a billion). I thought that her background was super boring also, and that it would be heaps more interesting if I could show the progression of the seasons also. I also thought I'd be heaps more interesting as I could grow and shrink depending on my enthusiasm hard cores and wanes, I might get a mega wicked scar, looking at my granddad and my mum's brothers I could go heaps bald anytime soon, I seem to move interstate all the time, I could wear a Christmas beanie, my years of eating all the food to feed my ridiculous metabolism could catch up to me - heaps interestinger!!

I got out my camera and snapped a shot of myself, hmmm, out of focus. I set it to auto everything and the shot was way brilliant - except the very top of my head was cut off.
I ended up taking a whole stack of shots of myself, every single one completely different, the lighting, where I'm standing in the frame, how close I am, how in focus I was, it's almost impossible to get a standard going.

Clearly, she had an internet camera and sat at her desk and sat in the exact same spot, but I don't know how excited I am about buying a another camera (I already have like 4) and chucking it in the least sunshiney room. So, um, to be continued..... maybe.

Actually, the point of that story is still to come. Watching that thing led me to youtube which while everyone else in the whole entire world has had a gander I haven't been so interested. I assumed it was all videos of dudes hurting themselves on skateboards.

Despite myself, I did have a bit of a click around and in my journeying found some girls online journal. It was pretty good, she had spent some time on it, and involved some teddy bears and stuff, it was cute. I click on another one where she was freaked out about being kissed. She was a bit over the top, but still pretty amusing. I kinda left it there, she seemed a bit young and it didn't seem like my place to be watching these. Goodbye lonelygirl15.

As I clicked around some more, her stuff were coming up all over the place so I clicked on her page and saw she linked her boyfriends videos. I click on one, and it was a dude just sulking and telling the girl off. I was like, whoa!, who is this guy, why didn't he just write an e-mail or
something, why isn't he even near a computer?

I didn't think more about it until I saw a title of a video called 'lonelygirl15 exposed' and it was a video of a collection of photos and her with friends and it had her real name. I was like all, whoa! bummer, one of her friends has just outted her, harsh!

So, it was all a bit odd so I googled her name and it turns out that the whole thing was a set up. Her videos had a team behind them and she was a 19 year old actress, and her boyfriend was an actor and it's this whole big thing that sucked the whole world in. There was all these articles about who was sucked in, who wasn't, were the comments fake, etc. People speculated that so many people viewed this girl's videos that millions could have been made of it, and how it worked because no one was expecting it.

The team who made the videos say it was a new form of art, but I still don't get why they bothered. Apparently the domain name lonelygirl15.com was bought before her videos started, so maybe it was just to get recognition for the series before asking people to pay? Maybe it was just for kicks.

The stupid thing is, that I'm sure I read about a very similar story in a fictional novel years ago....

It's not a bad idea though, making up a interactive website television show. Who wants in?

Lulu is grouse - Part 3

Young Lulu asked if I was to write a book, what would it be.....

Well, young lady, I am actually currently writing a book, but it's taking a lot longer than I expected... not the words, but getting the right pictures to accompany. I actually started it a while ago and absolutely, totally, massively, completely forgot about it - until you asked that question. So, myself and my future fame thanks you...

The book is basically a camera how-to, but more fun than a dummies guide. Every now and then I pick a photography book and they are all quite technical or very out of date, so I intend to create an easy to read, glossy, fun pictured, how to use a camera, dSLRs are hella cheap, book.

Here are some of the words: ..........right....................here..............

'The first time I ever got drunk' by Adam.

Or, alternatively titled, Lulu is Grouse Part 2.


'Twas a cold and balmy night.
I was fifteen.
I was excited.

It was adventurous times at the No Girls Allowed Catholic Club high school, the teachers organised dancing classes for us Year 10s and the Year 9s of a girls school. Actual real girls. I was excited, not just in the pants region, but in the fact-finding region. What do girls say, do they talk like us, do they have a special girl brand of skin, what do they smell like? I mean, I did have a mum and a sister, but they were family and nothing to do with the facts. I did have a couple of girlfriends in primary school but that was agggggeeeeeesssss ago and really they just interrupted my game of british bulldogs to tell me they me that I was now their boyfriend. There was no candle lit dinner or flirting over kiss chasey, it had nothing to do with real life.

The very first wednesday night dance class I fell in love with the very first girl I danced with. We didn't talk, but her name tag said Sarah, her denim shirt matched perfectly her denim jeans and we were destined to be together forever. I only danced with her for a couple of minutes before we had to change partners but the bond between us was as clear as Afro Jones hypercoloured t-shirt. Unfortunately she never came to another dance class but I was there, ready, over the next 9 weeks with my list of Interesting Things to Say to Girls, 'out of all the guys on 90210 Brandon is my favourite, do you agree?'.

Once the dancing course finished, it was back to chonking each other in the head with tennis balls for us boys, when one day many months later Jordon said:

"Are you guys going to that party?"

Whoa! Holy crap! What party?!?
One of the girls invited one of the boys to a party at her house WITH NO PARENTS which clearly meant that we were all invited.

I had never been to a party before without parents, I hope it's okay with my dad, I had no idea what to do, but Jordon had it all under control;

Step 1: Get some money.
Step 2: Give Jordan money.
Step 3: Get his older brother to buy his alcoholic drinks, Jordon suggested Strongbow Dry 'it's 8% which is 4% stronger than beer'.
Step 4: Get Daniel's dad to pick us all up and drop us at the party.
Step 5: Kiss girls (or as Jordon put it, complete with visuals 'get some tonguey action')

It was a plan that couldn't fail. Jordon hid the 6 pack in a bag stuffed with jumpers. Jordon jumped in the car, chink chink, Jordon put the bag between his feet in the back seat, chink chink, it's a nice night who won the football, chink chink. We held our breaths, Daniel's Dad started the car, we cheered internally.

The party was all craziness, there were people everywhere, we divided up our 6 pack between the three of us, that's two strongbow drys each, they are 4% stronger than beer. I had a little difficulty getting the lid off mine, ripped my hand to shreds trying to twist it off and a little bit later Jordon grabbed it, rolled his eyes and used a bottle opener.

I looked around for Sarah, I couldn't see any denim on denim combos anywhere, so I went to hang out with the dudes who were having an in depth discussion about what happened to the host's boobs. It took us some years later to figure out that bras and tops and dresses can have a differing dramatic effect on boobage - girls are so weird.

Anywho, not really knowing how to contribute to the current conversation and quite over watching the doorway for the excellent entrance of a particular someone I went for a walk with my two strongbows and found a girl sitting alone on the balcony. She was feeling sick, she'd had too much to drink and she wanted me to light her cigerette and also one for myself. I tried for a while, the things just wouldn't grab onto fire, when Simon the SmartAlec snatched them off me, put them in his mouth and lit them. He gave them back, smarmed away and I smoked a cigerette. Apart from the coughing I was quite good at it and by the end of mine I was an expert.

The girl didn't say much, so I just sat next to her and drank my two strongbows and patted her on the head until she asked me to stop. Instead, I held her smoke for her, that's when my friends came along and asked me what I was doing, but I didn't know so they got bored and left. I was bored too but I thought the girl would give me a kiss for holding her smoke and sitting next to her while she was sick. Eventually the cigerette burnt itself out and then Daniel's Dad came to pick us up.

We spent a boisterous trip home talking about how rad the party was and also trying really hard to not act smashed.

The End.

AFL Brownlow 2006

S. Goodwin and A Goodes will win the brownlow medal for 2006.
You heard it first, but I can't think of a single person that might care.

Lulu is grouse - Part 1

So this is my made up language, it really is an excellent language, but I haven't yet put so much time into the pronouciation of the particular words, but I do know that it is a superfun language to learn, it has far more emotion in it than most of the worlds spoken words. I'll give you a hint, the commas, full stops and question marks are totally stolen from English and retain their same meaning and the spaces are still meaningful. The first word is 'Okay'.

%!1\, (% )89( 9($) *51@@\ 1 #145 -^ @1$7-175, 2-) #%*5 1 3%45 9 7-5((. 9 4% 81+5 1 #1((9+5 1#%-$) %6 )89$7( )81) 9 *51@@\ {1$) 3%##-$931)54 +91 #145 -^ @1$7-175( 1$4 %* 3%45. )85 69*() %6 {8938 9( )81) \%-$7 @-@- 4%5( *%3!5)8. )85 (53%$4 9( )81) 9 *51@@\ 1# $%) &-9)5 (-*5 {81) )% 4% {9)8 #\(5@6 9$ 2*9(21$5, {81) 4% \%- 4% {85$ \%-'*5 9$ 1 ()*1$75 ^@135 {9)8%-) 1$\%$5 \%- !$%{?

Suggested topics!

Whoa! You kids are crazy, love your work. Alrighty, here goes:

Borings places {as suggested by Robbie Disco}

There are many, many boring places that I intend never to visit both in Australia and abroad. One of these is called Taralagon and it is country Victoria, Australia. I've known a few people that have spent time there and don't intend to go back, but there are more reasons that just boringness that I don't intend to visit. It's where my Mum has moved to. I still haven't really forgiven her for her craziness and manipulation while I was growing up and I'm at a point where I'm just not interested in putting too much effort in, she desperately wants my attention now which freaks me a little. Don't get me wrong, I'm still fine to hang out and at big family events I'd still rather hang with her than the others, but going to Taralagon means that I would be trapped. Trapped I tells ya, at least overnight. Whereas if I go to visit the family home where my sister still lives, I only have to spend an hour or two - not trapped.

What else, what else...

I googled 'most boring place in the world' and it came up with references to;

Saitama Prefecture, Japan;
Wellington, New Zealand;
Sweden;
San Jose, Costa Rica;

Dagnammit! I have been to all of those places, I think the internet is ridiculous.

So, so, so, I think I have no interest in going to visit a coal mine in Western Australia, I think that would be a whole lot of boredom. I get totally over bus stops and have no intention of ever going to Marcia Hines' house --> "Adam, be true to yourself."

Thank you Mr Disco!


Disco party number 2 {as suggested by DIJ}

Well, you know, we couldn't be bothered. Cara had a massive gig on the night before and while neither of us had anything to drink, we were both completely wreaked...
So, we prepared for it quite late in the day and ended up being crazy, crazy late. Cara took something like 2 hours to get ready but she looked amazing. I totally way groovy man, like totally.

We arrived in time to stand at the entrance to watch the floorshow and eye all our friends in the audience, but everyone was far far too busy watching the dancers. I couldn't really see, my massive afro was all over the shop. For a gang that we used to be the centre of years ago, we really didn't know anyone at the ball, so after dumping our stuff had a bit of a dance.
No one came up to us, no one said hello.

Ater totally tackling a friend, we figured out why, no one recognised us at all. After that it was a bit funny, Cara had massive platform shoes on, so she was like 7 inches taller than usual and a blond afro wig. I had the biggest sunglasses and a black afro - quite differenter to our everyday personas. Cara couldn't really dance and had no mojo so it was a bit of a quiet night, I grooved the moves with a few people but with my little lady zonked with only her false eyelashes keeping her eyes open it was an early night too. Pretty fun, but not funness to the max!


Chips, Dips, Whips and Chains {suggested by Cazzie!!!}

Well, well, let's get started!

Chips!

I like cheesy CCs but I'm not really into chips. I'm a guts and hungry heaps and chips are a bit of a waste of effort, when I could be using that same effort for, say, an entire cow.
I would however really like to play poker with chips. I played once at a boys night and totally won, in one play we had 3 straights (like 5, 6, 7, 8, 9) with mine being the highest and I cleaned out two other dudes and played super conservative for the rest of the night. I saw celebrity texas holdem on TV and it totally looks like fun but I don't really know many people who'd be interested in playing a fun game but I'd never want to play for money, I think that would just make everyone nervous and weird.

Dips!

I am excellent at dips.Excellent!I did a small sample survey and 100% of girls surveyed said they loved dancing with me because I dip nicely. Not too fast, not too slow, not whiplashy and always in time. It's my one skill.

Whips!

My extended family are mostly from the country and so I have an uncle who can crack a fine whip. He used to give demos in my grandpas back yard but would never let us have a shot. "It's too dangerous" he said. "Bah" said I.

So, I stole it and tried it myself.
My cousins all cheered when I cracked it first shot. It wasn't the most thought out plan since the whip crack sounded through the entire landscape along with high pitched kid cheering. I got into trouble, but best of all, my uncle demonstrated it's danger by whipping a lemon on a tree and it took a fair chunk off. So the moral of the story is : kids, if you steal your uncle's whip, fit the thing with a silencer first.

Chains!

My dad used to have an office and my sister and I would go there after school and then later later we'd drive home.

The office was above a hardware store and we used to go in for a chat. One day when we were dragged to the office on a saturday, the hardware guy was painting over all the graffiti on the side of his store, for some reason he had a bit of metal chain about a whole hand length, and I started playing with it so he let me keep it. Since this was in the ninja turtle craze days, I made a pair of nun-chucks out of it. I was so proud of myself and tried to be as good as Michelangelo but in the end I had to give it up. There's just no good reason to inflict that many head injuries to yourself.


Dance Move Spectacularation! {as requested by Cherry!}

Now young lady, I haven't included any photos as yet, let me find some volunteers first.

Dance Move One : Boyband thrusts.

Warning, this is an advanced dance move.

1.) Stand straight with your weight evenly distributed between the balls of your feet and your heals.
2.) Rotate your hips 45 degrees left so your torso is facing a different way to your legs.
3.) Shape one hand into a fist and cup with the other.
4.) Throw your cupped hands up and away from yourself while throwing your bum out.
5.) Swing your hands down while at the same time thrusting your pelvis, so that hands and pelvis meet in the same vicinity at approximately the same time.
6.) Repeat for 3 motions, before rotating to the right. Repeat for 3 more motions and rotate to the right.
7.) Join any boy band, remember, knowledge of musical instruments is not allowed.

Once this dance move has been mastered, I will continue the lesson.


The Flying Spaghetti Monster {as requested by D'Jen}

What ho!If you google The Flying Spaghetti Monster you will be sadly misinformed. The internet claims it the creature is a work of fiction, when I have evidence it actually exists!!! (um, gasp please).

Visit holiday houses, especially ones that have had 14 friends come to stay. You will often see small marks of strains of spaghetti on glass work, or in more disgusting instances, still see a spaghetti tentacle still attached to said glass surface.

The Flying Spaghetti monster is a not often sighted animal, for it is skitterish at it's most brave. It eats socks. Black socks are often the favourite meal of the Flying Spaghetti monster but they don't grow very large, so it can only consume one such sock. It is not a dangerous animal and if you do happen to find one, serve with a tomatoes and garlic bread.

Thank you all for partipating in possibly the laziest blog experience known to me.

What should I write about today?

Put a topic, any topic in the comments section and I'll post up a storm.




Kind regards,
Adam
Bringing exciting new levels of laziness to blogger since 2004.

I'd say my pashing technique has improved...

I think blogger is way pixelating my photos, but I can't seem to figure out how to link from flickr. Is there a magic button I'm supposed to press? When I do link from flickr using the URl picture thing in blogger it just inserts a box with a red cross in it...

I'm not so much as jealous as boring.

Since I abounded abrisbane, I've been on a saving money, healing track which has up'd my boringness to an all time high. With all my hijinks on the weekend, I noticed that while lots of people totally love me and are superexcited to see me, they aren't actually all that interested what I have to say. With my easily distracted and almost overstimulated friends, I've developed a sense of humour that strikes superfast, 0 to hilarious in 2.2 seconds because it's hard to hold anyone's attention for longer than that.

Even Cara who loves me dearly isn't all that interested, I do improve her life in many ways, but presenting interesting knowledgable stories or well thought out opinions isn't one of them.
So, since I'm not at all busy at work, and with my current banning from the gym and rockstar supernova finished on the teev, I've got a whole lot of hours to fill myself with even more awesomeness.

So here is what I'm aiming to hit:

1. Experiment with my look way more.
2. Work on getting some abdominal muscles.
3. Get into photographing the Brisbane band scene.
4. Get into Salsa, make some new friends.
5. Become a better photographer overall.
6. Become a way quick sprinter dude.
7. Relearn how to listen to people and become quite the excellent conversationalist.

Promises to my blog...

1. I will post a photo of my stomach area on the 31st of October.
2. Photos of Brisbane, Bands and random people to come.
3. Interesting anecdotes of excellence.
4. A regaling tale of how my increased fitness and speed possibly made me the best paintball dude ever on the 24th of October.

Kicking old ladies and funky air waitresses out of the way, I got off the plane first. I was BUSTING for the toilets so I was a bit happy that she wasn't at the gate - the plane was five minutes early. Ha! Timing is everything.

Once I totally finished I went back to my gate. The last few people were coming through the gate and she was standing there so perplexed. Turning suave and motherchunkin' cocky all the way up to 11 I walked up behind her and told her not to look so concerned and that her friend will be along shortly. Have I mentioned, dear reader, that I do love to make an entrance?

So anywho, the dealio was that Sam didn't lose it, didn't have a breakdown, doesn't have a illness of the brain, isn't unwell and is in quite high spirits. It turns out that she was drugged in a way swank hotel in Bali. They are guessing liquid ecstacy or acid which didn't hit her straight away, but started some way funked hulicinations after she awoke the next day and stayed in her system for like 6 days. The hullicinations lasted for 4 days, where she thought a friend was her long dead grandmother, she thought she was her brother, she gave away her handbag to a stranger, never ate, left her backpack "somewhere safe" and all sorts of funness. She had never done drugs before and so it was all a bit hardcore for her and everyone else. The thought of her being drugged really does make me sick to my stomach, it has had massive effects and probably wasn't too far OD'ing. Anywho, she's all normal and good and has been doted on by her parents and hugged good by her friends.

Amber, who rocked up with her boyfriend Justin was awesome. Justin seems really cool and I think I'll be quite good friends with him and the two girls were exactly the same as I remembered them. We had an awesome night and now I'm completely doggone rooted because I've spent far too much time on planes - there weren't even any MOTHER----- SNAKES - what's the point?

How can I wait for four months?

Whoa! I do feel much better after that sleep, time to check this place out. Hey, there's a nice little Malaysian man, I should start with him. Hi, how are you? What? You want me to put my foot on your chest? Um, sure, okay. If I push any harder I might hurt you, no, okay then, let me know if it's too much. Whoa! MY FOOT IS SINKING INTO YOUR CHEST, WHOA!! What, my other foot, whoa, I'm sinking all the way in.... eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

It's really hot in here. Cosy. Hey, there is a nice comfy couch in here. It's surprisingly roomly in this little dude, hey, there's some newspapers and a telephone. This place rocks. I love Malaysians.

From http://www.geographia.com/malaysia/

Once you have overcome your jet-lag fatigue, step into the real heart of Malaysia--the citizens of the country. You would be pleasantly surprised at the warmth of Malaysians. For deeply entrenched within each of the different races is the engaging charm and traditional hospitality for which Malaysia is renowned.

Too excited.

This afternoon I fly to Melbourne to join the welcoming gang for Amber. Amber is flying in from London with her Canadian boyfriend Justin whom none of us have met. Amber has been living in Canada and France for the past 3 years and I've missed her more than I can say. She and I have always had a bond based on funness and I've loved her since that very, very first moment. She's a girl that I can be stupid with, and she's one of the few people that has as much energy as I do. I'm always surprised with how high regard she holds me and I've always felt a bit bad for various boyfriends she's had that get ignored as soon as I rock up... but still it's not often you find people as stupid as you. Cara and her have always gotten along perfectly from the start and we've been looking after Amber's dog since she left. That was the wet doggy in the photos of that other post.

Sammy called me last night, she's going to meet me at the domestic airport when I arrive and we'll hang out for the hour or so before Amber arrives. She and Amber left for their big adventure together, I'm not sure Amber knows she's here. She was always crazy chirpy and she kinda wasn't at all on the phone last night, but she did just wake up so I might be reading too much into it.

There was some stuff before she left that I forgot about. Sam and I were way close and did heaps together, but we were part of a fairly massive gang, and one of our friends was also very close to Sam as well. Although they had various boyfriends and girlfriends and whatever, they very much loved each other as well, and once the 3 of us spent a AFL grandfinal on a bit of a pub crawl. It was all very hilarious and funness, but by the end of the day I was very much the third wheel. Which is cool, except something changed between Sam and I, she didn't find me as fun or as funny anymore and sensing this, I withdraw a bit. Last night's phone call was a bit like that, she was like, kinda playful but more just being polite and not really interested in talking to me, despite specially arranging to meet.

So, I think I'll put an effort to be more gentle with her than I used to be, until I see exactly where it's all at.

Hey, hey, anyone useful out there?

Hey hey, I'm looking to spend 8 days in Malaysia in December this year. I don't know a single thing about the country, any suggestions?

Umbrella Usage for the common man (nb: can also be used by a chick(s))

We here at Not Going Nowhere do understand that water falling from the sky is a bit freaky and thusly you might be a bit stressed when encountering such natural disasters. We have compiled some tips to help you get through;

1.) Understand and accept that walking in the rain may result in some getting wet. You cannot protect your entire personage and all your belongings - as such, take a step or two away from the bus before opening your umbrella. The people behind will thank you for it/keep their eyesight.

2.) If you are riding a bicycle, an umbrella might not be for you.... maybe a raincoat? If you do insist on holding an umbrella while riding, maybe don't then also answer your mobile phone.

3.) Dude, it is pretty funny to your mates when you stick your head under other peoples umbrellas at the traffic lights. They do find it funnier though, when the new mother who is already freaked about her pram getting wet screeches at you. Please provide an excuse better than 'I was just joking.'

4.) If you don't know what the back of your umbrella is doing, it might be too big for you. Also, if you do need to turn around, possibly raise the umbrella and rotate underneath instead of turning the umbrella with you and taking out a small family.

5.) Learn to drive your umbrella, face the top of it into the wind. If your umbrella blows out, pull over to the side of the footpath to repair. Do not flail. Do not hit passing cyclists (their balance is already restricted due to own umbrella wind issues and untimely phone calls).

6.) If you can't drive an umbrella without gouging fellow pedistrians, wear a raincoat/stay home.

7.) If it is raining, you simply cannot ride a skateboard. When you do, we all hope your tailbone heals up nice.

New Fantastic Deal! Only $30 per month!!

For less than $1 per day* you will have one of our brave employees meet you at your train and protect you through the guantlet that is your city. You will not be hassled by charity collectors, phamplet giverers, beggers, buskers demanding crowd participation, magazine vendors, etc.

Our brave employees will accompany you on one trip in the morning, the entire lunchtime journey and from your building to your train in the afternoon.

For an extra $0.20 they will also go and collect any random freebies from your train stations.

Call now!
Do not send any money, we'll bill you.


* This only applies on months with 30 or more days. In February, you will pay $1.07 per day unless it's a leap year in which case you will pay only $1.03 per day.

Who calls during the Simpsons anyway?

Last night I checked my phone to see that it had two missing calls. This is fairly common, I never really look after the thing, but I was surprised because I was sure that I used for the time just before.

"Hey, it's Mich call me back."

I really wasn't expecting a call from Mich, I hung out with her all last weekend in Brisbane and I should be seeing her Saturday night this weekend in Melbs.

"Hey's it's Mich again, something has happened in the last 48 hours and I need to talk to you. I'm going to my 10 years reunion and then the movies, but call me back when you get this or send a message when I can call you."

Lordy, how can not a feeling of dread totally overcome a person after a message like this. So I rang her back feeling a bit uh-oh, just as I served myself some din dins. Her phone rang heaps of times and just as I totally resigned myself to feeling weird for a bit when she answered.

"Something's happened to Sammy, she was acting all weird like she was on acid or something but they are sure she hasn't taken anything. She's saying crazy things and feels like she's lost things and she was convinced her birthday was yesterday and that's she's lost things and so her parents are flying her home and she'll be in Melbourne tomorrow."

Whoa! Sammy is an awesome chick who people just love instantly. She's been in Canada and London the past two years and I've missed her more than I can say. Mich was a bit freaked and I promised I'd go with her to visit on the weekend. It obviously sounds like a mental health issue, bi polar or something and I'm pretty committed to helping as much as I can.

Later, as I was sitting down to my nearly cold dinner, the phone rang again. It was a number that I didn't recognise.

"Hi Adam, how are you?"

It was a girl and I didn't recognise the voice. It was all small and weird. Only Cara and Mich assume I recognise their voice.

"Hey, good thanks, whose this?"

I was struggling to hear over the sound of Marge yelling at the crowd to stop throwing their free pretzels at Mr Burns.

..and then the line went dead.

Um. Weird.
So I sat down and started eating, and the phone rang again.
This time I answered and went into the bedroom so I could hear.

"Hi Adam"
"Hi"
"What's that noise in the background?"

I listened and couldn't hear anything. A massive feeling of cold shivered through my entire body, I've haven't felt anything like that for yonks.

It's her, and she's scared and confused.

"Ummm..?"

I was a bit freaked, I wasn't expecting this. All my gusto and 'we'll combat this together' went completely out the window. Got way nervouser.

"It's me Sash, can you hear me?"

Whoa! It was just Cara's sister, we're organising a trip to Malaysia and she was at work. The mobile range seems to be whack in my apartment, I've had a lot of calls drop out randomly and the noise she was talking about was from the first call when Marge was blaring. So, it was all cool 'n' that.

Um, phew.
I was a bit disappointed with my freakedness, and I don't know if it'll be harder or easier when we see her in person.

I had been telling Mich that mental health problems are far more prevalent, but also more manageable than ever and she'll be right mate. It's cool to be scared because none of us have ever had to deal with this before and it is way scary that someone you love doesn't recognise you or is confused or whatever, the worst thing is when someone is not themselves.

I've always yelled at the dude in movies, who is all mushy over his wife turned vampire or zombie or whatever. I'm always like 'what are you doing? get over it, blow her up and make smoochy with that surviving chick in the white singlet whose waiting for you in the bus/rocket' but, um, yeah. Not that I'm comparing b grade movies with real life mental health, but I think I'm understanding the dude better now.

Na na na na na na na BACK SCHOOL!

There are many reasons why I don't post very often, here they are in list format:

1. My job doesn't type much, it's more of a mouse clicking job.
2. I'm not entertaining nor do I have anything interesting or informative to say.
3. My sense of humour is more reactionary, which is why I can fill you with mirth in the comments sections of your own blogs rather than post up a storm.
4. The RSI in my hands does not make me not want to type much not. Especially in triple negative format.
   

So, in order to fix up the triple negative/rsi that rues my life, I've decided to go to Back School.
I'm already going to a Natrapath who is doing the Bowen Technique on my hands and fixing up my own healing ability and resistance to inflammingness through my diet. The Bowen technique is a form of massage that hits the bits that join the muscle to the bone. I had a bit of success at the start, but really I don't think it's done too much - I've been going every 2 weeks for three months.

Back School is going to teach me the Alexander technique which basically assumes that the problem is postural. She basically explained that I'm quite flexible but that's because I'm not using my big muscles to stand, walk or sit and so all my little muscles are doing all the work and freakin' out causing problems like headaches and RSI.

So, I've got all these exercises to do while I'm standing and walking as well as some specifically for the RSI in my hands. I've been at this for a good 8 hours now and I'm freakin' exhausted. Resculpting your body is hardcore.

The most upsetting thing for me is that I'm not allowed to go to the gym for a while. I'm not like a major gym weird dude with veins popping out of my arms, I'm just normal, but it has taken me ages to build up the muscleness I do have and I think it's all about to slide. I have a superawesome metabolism so I kinda have to go above and beyond to build any muscle.

So.... I am embarking on an unattractive healing phase, I understand if none of you want to talk to me during this time.