Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Things nobody knows about me

1.) I joined greenpeace because that whole increased Japan-whaling thing is a bit wrong. I also joined just so I could meet some enthusiastic and passionate people. I haven't actually been to anything yet.

2.) I've seen Batman Begins twice with different people and I'm booked in to see it with other people still. People seem to need to see superhero movies and computer animation with me. Maybe because I'm so mature.

3.) Now that I'm only in Sydney for one more month, I'm just starting to make some awesome friends.

4.) I walk past many brothels and "executive relaxation massage centres" weekly and I really want to check them out, but I have no interest in actually rude doing things there.

5.) I'm doing really well in my chosen field, but I actually have no career aspirations whatsoever. My only motivation in life is to have cool friends.

6.) No one knows just how many websites I have.

7.) No one (except you people) even knows I have a blog. I'm not sure how people will react when they eventually find out.

8.) I'm secretly excited that my best mate at work is leaving this Friday because sometimes he is overbearing and other times he is too, too funny. I do like hanging out with him, just not every day.

9.) The main thing holding me back in life is that I always want to be people's favourite.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Bloggers Bloc

Bloggers Bloc (Bloo~gar.s Blo~ck) (medical): Rare condition disallowing written entries onto Internet (Int!~net) journalling devices; often a responsive condition resulting from brain overcrowded or empty.

Adam (Ad~am!) (proper noun): Ultra Attractive (eg. super hot) young man with Bloggers Bloc due to excessively full brain.

Thursday, June 16, 2005


When you leave, people will love you

Last night I went to my Wednesday night salsa class, there was a massive Rugby game on so I was totally expecting the class to consist of me and 30 girls. It did not. Dagnammit. In fact, there were far more dudes than young ladies, it was a total sword fight.

Anyway, that's totally irrelevant. There is a couple of girls that I've been mucking around with and when they found out that I'll be moving back to Melbourne in a couple of months they got all mopey and sad. Especially the one who is going on holidays for a couple of weeks, she totally became all huggy and kiss-on-cheeky and sad and stuff. The mentioned a million kabillion times that they'll miss me, which they will because I am fun.

It reminded me though, of all the cool people I've totally become best friends with, just as they are about to leave. People love people who are leaving, and people who are leaving love people.
I think there is a lesson in there for all of us.................... never stay anywhere.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Adventures at the servo

Last night I rocked on down to the service station (like, totally a gas station, for you crazy American talking kids) to buy a little thing of milk. "2 dollars" the young man behind the counter said.

- The dodge
The milk was actually 1 dollar, I've bought milk before. When I flicked the coin at him, he just smiled until I went away.

- The old days
Back in the day when I hung around with my mates, one of my friends had a brother who worked in a service station. After a big night, we'd call him and he'd heat up some meat pies. When we'd get there, we'd all feast on milk and meat pies for free. It had to be meat pies and milk because the dude could claim that they had spoiled. Everynight these things spoil so it was very easily overlooked.
Of course, this dude also would drive his car slowly through the automatic doors of the servo (ahem, gas station) to see how far he could get inside. The midnight to dawn shift is a long and boring one.

- Impressively dodge
So, I've never know someone to so brazenly try to scam me before and I left thinking that he tried to make a dollar for himself.... but the smart thing is, because it was milk and he couldn't scan it (because that would show the price, but not scanning it means the stock is out) he was going to right off the whole product and take the cash for himself. I'm totally impressed with the amount of dodginess that attendant produced in that mini-micro second...... and the stupidness of it all.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

The hottest....... hotter than hot!

Why hello there, is this the rockin' adventurous chick called Joey? You seem like you would have a way hot blog called How are you today?

Hey there, I'm doing well, though I could be a bit better since I didn't have any sex last night - well on with the interview!

Man your blog entries are hot!!! I'm nearly at the point where I can't read your blog while I'm at work any more. Are you aware that you might have an affect on your readers?

At first I wasn't aware of this, but I've actually received a few emails here and there from my readers telling me the same! It was never a goal of mine in my writing to turn my readers on but I'm glad that I do, that's huge compliment (no pun intended).

You are a brilliantly descriptive writer, detailed enough to totally be there in the moment but not too detailed to get bogged down. Did you know that you had a bit of writing talent?

Wow, thank you so much! I've kept a written diary since the age of 6 (and still do). I was always a good student in the English subject. I wrote poetry (but doesn't every teenage girl?!), written stories, songs, and overall was very good at essay writing. I've always loved writing, yet I never had an audience as I do now, but I never realized or knew how well I write. In a way I still don't, I'm constantly re-reading my blog and seeing where I could have improved it.

Do you think all young ladies are as adventurous and as motivated by sex as yourself? Would you say that you are far more into it than other girls you know, or do you just do the things that others would love to do?

Ahhh - tricky question!
I definitely don't think that young ladies are as adventurous nor motivated by sex as I am. Compared to other girls I know? Yes, I'm 100% far more into it. My friends and even my sister all have these same boring views about sex. They find things as simple as being tied up - weird. Do they lead a secret private life, could they? I'd say no & no - not my friends. There are hints to my sex life that I freely give away I let them have a feeling there's a bit more to me, but nothing they could ever figure out. I prolly do, do things others would love to do and they should go out and do it! In my opinion we're all brought up way too conservative & prude. I feel as if society looks down upon fetishes, kinks, and alternative lifestyles. Seriously, what so wrong with a little foot or panty fetish?! And is it really so bad that I love to be tied up and used?!

For those of us that came in late, can you describe your castof characters and what the nicknames mean?

In order of appearance:
1) The "BFWB" - (Best friend with benefits) for about 10 years.
2) Morgan - Named for Captain Morgan, his preferred liquor of choice. Morgan's too much to explain.
3) The Dom now renamed to CT - An older man in his 40's who has assisted and trained me in the world of D/s, yes i'm his sub.
4) Mr. Blue Eyes - A married man in my office who's flirted, hinted, and the rest of the above. Let's just say I could cross that line if i wanted.
5) The New One renamed to TLO - A younger guy i met who's into D/s. Our first meeting didn't work out so so well. (A little secret, we've been chatting, he may get another chance, stay tuned.)
6) Renaissance Man - A guy in my office who adores me and my chest.

Coming Soon:
1) TDT (The Dirty Texan) - A very good friend of mind (from Texas) and quite the naughty boy himself.
2) Corona - One of my favorite blog readers.
3) Building Boy - He lives in my apartment building.

Could you totally describe to us something that you'd be up for, but haven't managed to do yet?

I can describe something crazy that has crossed my mind like a gang bang, or a fantasy of mine such as a "consensual rape" played out. But there are reasons as to why I haven't managed to do that yet. Maybe something a little less crazy? - Well in that case I don't have a list of things I'd like to do, nor do I have anything in mind. It's more like whatever happens or comes up I (usually) go along with.

Have you ever received as many comments as that one time when you put a photo of your cleavage? I've noticed other blog's where the girls have come out and it isn't half as sexy. Do you think you'll ever blog any photos of you in an old fashioned period costume?

The cleavage post is now the second highest on comments received. The #1 post is the "Panic Button". I'd love to be able to post pics of myself especially in an old fashioned period costume (Renaissance Man would prolly fall off his two feet). Those costumes are just so much fun, I love going to the fairs in the summer, put them on and take pics!! Ok I'm so going off on a tangent here. Yet, I need to remain Unknown! Therefore no, no pics :(

How is work going?

I love my job and my clients but work sucks, I need a new company to work for. But hey my blog isn't about work, and the only times it's mentioned is when a man at work makes a move.

Some of the stuff you get upto is pretty cool, do your friends have any idea or are your blog fans and yourself the only ones with any clue?

My friends - HA no they don't know about my blog nor of anything that I do and I could never tell them, my friends are uptight when it comes to sex and the internet - they won't even do the online dating sites because they think it's creepy - sheesh!

Do any of your young male friends actually read your blog?

One male friend reads my blog (TDT), and he'll soon be making an appearance on it.I could prolly tell the BFWB about my blog - he'd be freaking blown away by what he would read, yet something holds me back from sending it to him. Morgan knows of the blog, but hasn't read it nor will he.

Morgan seems to get a lot more airtime than any of the others, do you think you guys could ever be in a relationship? Are you already?

The question that lingers continually in my mind - Morgan and I. Morgan has gone through a very, very rough time in his life the last two years, I've been there for him every minute I could be, as a good friend should. No, we are not in aboyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I think we could be in one but it's just not the right time yet.

Have you ever thought of adding a 'how to guide' in your blog? Help out the boys and girls of the world?

I've never ever thought that - and I'm not sure if I'd be the right person for that, I don't see myself as the expert. Right now I'm still experimenting and finding out my own "how to's". But I'd be more than happy to oblige for any and all who have questions or would like my opinion.

Why did you create this blog? What is your motivation?

First and foremost I believe everyone creates a blog for themselves and I did too. I couldn't keep all this cooped up inside, I couldn't write it in my diary;
1) for fear that one day someone might read it and 2) there is just too much, it would need it's own diary. But I love, I truly love that my blog is open to the public. It's great being able to receive people's opinions and comments. To date I haven't received a negative comment (but I'd welcome them). This blog has also made me feel and know that I'm ok, normal... whatever ya call it. And that what I do, what turns me on isn't so bad. It's made me see more about myself; I'm quite open, willing and experimental.

Well young lady, it's been a pleasure, thank you so much, keep up the very good work!! Is there anything you'd like to leave us with?

When things are getting silly - cover your willy!! Please practice safe sex!

Seriously, I want to thank all my readers, I love that they spend their time reading my blog, or emailing me! It makes it all the more better! And thank you for the opportunity!

Another interview of excellence!

Okay homies, before I'm going to interview anyone else cool, I'm totally going to interview myself. All you millions of readers out there should totally watch out, because this will make your brain explode!! If I were you, I'd shut your computer down right now and just wait until I've posted something else.

Alright, I'm ready!

"Dude, what up?"
Dude, what the hell question is that? Please refrain from using such bad english around me! Freakin' jeez, learn how to talk before conducting an interview!

P.S) I'm good thanks.

"Dude, how is Sydney treating you?"
Dude, Sydney is a bit alright! Mostly the people here treat me with a disguised air of contempt / friendliness. It's a bit of fun but I think I'm ready to head back home. I haven't made any hardcore lifelong friends because I keep going back to Melbourne on some weekends and because I'm a bit too fun.

"Dude, are you totally saying that you are lonely?"
Crap dude!! What is with all the personal questions? Get a grip man! I'm never being interviewed by you again.

P.S) No, I'm fine.

"Dude, why do you keep writing in this blog?"
Dude, let me ask you a question? What is 2 + 2?

"Dude, the answer is clearly 4."
Very good dude!

"Thanks dude"

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Language Lessons for the Locality Disabled.

Red Cordial (reed corrrdial): Cordial is a drink that you add to water. Kids like it because the taste of water sucks hard. Mums like it because it gets kids to drink water and since you dilute it like 20 parts water, 1 part cordial, the big bottles of the stuff last for a while. Cordial is very sugary and red cordial has lots of sugar so kids get totally hyperactive. Hyperactive kids can destroy or power cities. Never give kids red cordial.

Vegemite (veegemight): This stuff is disgusting, never try it.

Thongs (thongs): Not underwear, these might be known as flip flops. These are the only shoes Australian people wear when they are in Sydney. Melbourne people only bring them out in hot hot hot summer days (of which there are none). Thongs are hard work because you have to toughen your feet or else they blister you up. You also need an exact size fitting or you start walking like you have flippers on. Dude, that is not cool. I wore some for 7 minutes last summer and it took 3 weeks to heal. Never wear them!

Spunk (spunk): This is actually a compliment, you give it to someone who is cool and attractive. It is like saying that person has a lot of pizazz or brass or style. If someone is way spunky they are totally hot. It is a totally rockin' compliment not to be used lightly. In Australia, it does not at all describe seamen. We use other words for that.

We also don't own kangaroos any more than American people own bears, moose or their own houses. There are no such thing as Drop bears or hoop snakes. Wrestling crocodiles or alligators is not a skill attached to our DNA. Only one or two dudes in the whole country can pull that kind of bizarreness off. None of us has even ever drunk a Fosters, they aren't even available here.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Tiny little bits of tree

There was this one time when I was a kid when my friend and I kicked our football into a river. We ran downstream while it floated away until we saw it got tagged on some branches. So, we precariously climbed out onto these branches, it was totally hardcore and for some reason, we both were out there sinking on these tiny little bits of tree. Heroically we got our football back but we also found a children's illustrated book on Nazi's and Hitler. We took it with us and tried to dry out the pages, in the end it was too waterlogged to really read anything from it.

I don't reckon illustrated picture books like that would get published these days, but I think it's something I should push. I was always crazy curious as a kid (luckily, the weight of the world has crushed my inquisitive gentle nature) and some picture books explaining things would have been really rockin. Especially on topics that were important but people didn't really like explaining. So, soon, I'll be releasing my new pre-teens book range:

- The totally groovy and way cool illustrated book of 'Why we need to work?'
- The totally groovy and way cool illustrated book of 'What made the manager's brain go mush?'
- The totally groovy and way cool illustrated book of 'What do mummy and daddy do when they are all nudie.'
- The totally groovy and way cool illustrated book of 'Religion, what's with that obsession.'
- The totally groovy and way cool illustrated book of 'What to do when other kids start to like like you or like like your friends'
- The totally groovy and way cool illustrated book of 'Drugs are worse than red cordial'
- The totally groovy and way cool illustrated book of 'How do homeless people get like that'

Step up if you want a signed copy.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Not one, but two!!!!!! Okay, just one! But, whoa, what a one!!

Why hello there, is this the mightily imaginative Helga with her bestest bud and fellow co-conspiritor Olga? How are you today? You are from

Yes it mighty is us..well one of us cos Olga's gone shopping....her old iron breast plate was rusting away! And awww shucks you called me imaginative. I am good, we are good, we just dragged raced some pirates out on the open sea and we kicked their arses so feeling on top of the world.

Well, it's a pleasure to finally interview the two of you. I've only recently stumbled across your blog and this is my first interview with two people. Are you aware that your blog is totally whack? It's awesome.

Yep totally aware it is totally whack. It's also totally PHAT dude. Like the bomb. It's fully sik. Oh wait i was just describing me.

Are there any secrets about each other that you'd like to share with the gang but haven't managed to work into your blog?

We're closet rock stars. 80's style. We're just bidding out time to unleash our phenomenal muscial abilites onto the world. Britney? Britney who we say. Get ready to shake your booty. We're gonna be doing it Paris Hilton style.

So, how do you know each other?

Don't really know. She followed me home one day, and now i can't get rid of her. But then she's about the only person who's got a bust just as big as mine so it makes sharing the iron cladded breast plates easier.

What gave you the idea of doing a combined blog? Who knew it would be so funny?

Well it started out without Olga. Then she felt abandoned, rejected, discarded, left out in the cold, unwanted, unloved, unneeded, not important, second hand, redundant, superfluous, unessential. And she wouldn't stop whining.

And only the powers that be knew that it would be funny. They blessed us with such wonderful talents. And we're more than glad to share it with the unsuspecting world. Now onto domination. World domination. weren't meant to hear that.

So, for those of us that came in late, can you describe the cast of characters in your blog?

Well there's me. Then there's Olga. And that's all the important people. Then there's the imaginary ones but they only come out to play every once in a while. Have you met Bob??

Who is the smart one and who is the hot one out of the two of you?

One must be one and one must be the other? Who do you think is the smart one and who do you think is the hot one. Choose carefully my friend. Very carefully.

So are both of you single, or just one? I have to admit sometimes I get confused about who is posting what? Is there a colour coding that I haven't noticed yet?

Olga's jumped ship. She's crossed over to the dark side. She's broken my heart. She was the chosen one. Oh well. Poor bugger of a guy i say. He's in for a rough ride.
Ya...there is actually some madness to the reason of our blog. Olga's the red one and i'm the green one. We just lurve christmas. Go Santa's little elves. Now have you been naughty or nice?

Apart from my good self, do you totally have a favourite commenter or blogfan?

We actually love ourselves too much to have enough room to love others...besides *ahem* your good self.

Where did the name Viking mistresses come from? It's brilliant. Itwas the title that totally made me notice you.

Well i'm 6' foot, blonde, blue eyed and spikey horns are dead sexy. Plus vikings are damn fine prehistoric hotties. Plus it helps i named myself after bread and that i have legs that go from here to heaven's door.

I love that you are from Melbourne, do you totally love it?

The fact that i am from Melbourne? The fact that you are from Melbourne? The fact that i love Melbourne? The fact that Melbourne is Melbourne? well yes, maybe, yes, sure.

Would you two ever travel together? Would you drive each other crazy?

We've been there, done it, conquered it all. Haven't driven each other crazy just yet. Unless we're not counting Olga's streaking tendencies. We've got an agreement now she warns me before the gear comes off.

Are we going to see any photos of the two of you totally rockin' on your blog anytime soon?

No. Cos it would be considered as porn.

Are there any excellent words you'd like to leave us with?

I smell nice today.

The king continues

Whoa!! I was in the shower this morning thinking about this post and continuing the story from yesterday, I pretty much had it constructed and found that the first comment was exactly where I was going (except for the therapy bit). Freaky! Anyways.....

After a while, paused in reflection, the king realised that it was not the teasing of the ladies that had their attention, it was the complete comfortableness of the knights. The knights were totally confident in themselves and the ladies of the kingdom could see that. What's more, the king was able to see the differences between the knights.

The knight who was the most obsessed over and the most respected had a complete absence of jealously, in fact, he was almost untouchable. The king thought of other knights in other kingdoms that were similar and had a similar effect. The king also realised that some knights that were very proficient at mucking around and teasing, but were also capable of much jealously had the attention of the ladies, but only for a short time.

So, the lovely young king could see his quest forming, but he didn't know where to start, where does one acquire such confidence in oneself? The king thought back to primitive cultures where the transition from boyhood to manhood involved testing and often had potential for great phyiscal and emotional challenges. The boys had to face those fears and emerge the other side as men, confident they could handle anything else they would face in their lives.

The lovely young king had always led an easy and comfortable life where everything had always worked out and so had never had any reason to test his mettle. The road ahead seemed unclear....