Monday, October 31, 2005

There's this war you may have heard about......

Hi / Hello, is this Chairborne Stranger from How are you today?

I'm doing great, actually-no worries here.

How long have you been in Iraq, and when do you think you might be getting the heck out?

I've been in Iraq over three months and I will be here at least 9 more months-everyone in the US Army does 12 months at a minimum, usually a bit more.

How tricky is it to know what you can write and not write on your blog? Do any military people actually police it or is totally a common sense thing?

It is very tricky. There are guidelines that are vague-because the military is still sorting it out. There are obvious no-nos-don't write about current operations, secret or classified information, weapons capabilities, specific information to where you live or what your job is, who you work with, ongoing investigations, incidents that will embarrass the US or the Army, basically follow common sense. No pictures of obvious things.

The military does police things-my command checks my blog monthly and the miliitary has a whole group of people that check blogs, emails, and such regularly.

Is it weird that your job has so much politics behind it? Does it affect your daily work? I can't imagine if there were totally massive debates the world over on whether I should be working as an IT guy for a particular company or not.

I never thought of it that way before. The politics are the politics. I knew when I volunteered my job is not to question where I go or what I do. It is my job to insure the politics don't affect my daily work and that I focus on the mission at hand. Sometimes soldiers talk about the politics, but for the most part, we are worried about day to day life here or staying in touch with our friends in the US, etc. I have had one or two political discussions since I've been here, and those were more academic than anything.

So no it doesn't affect my daily work, or those around me, life in Iraq is too screwy to worry about politics!

So, what are your day to day tasks?

Hmm, this one is tricky. I do the basic things any soldier does in Iraq. Work with military equipment, weapons, and do soldier things in a war zone, along with the Iraqi Army who fight beside us. We aren't supposed to talk about specifics of our jobs-but I do the regular Army stuff--convoys, patrols, cleaning weapons, staying in shape by working out, planning.

Are you in the Army for the long run? Do you have mates that are doing other things that you wish you were doing?

I have been in the Army for over 12 years, so that pretty much makes it the long run. I have mates doing awesome things around the world, but so am I. I guess it depends on what day you ask me! I mean my friends are doing things I wish I was doing, mainly on the social side of life, becuase life in Iraq does put a damper on your dating calendar.

Even though most countries have had lots of information about the war in Iraq, it is mostly debates and should/shouldn't we, and what are the real motives, etc. I don't think anyone around here really knows what it's about. What are the actual goals? What are the insurgents goals?

Well the military goals in Iraq-provide for a safe and secure Iraq, and to insure the Iraqi Security forces are able to provide this safety and security so American military forces can leave.

Insurgents goals--I have no idea-I know they have propaganda-the only goal they seem to have is to kill people.

Your blog really does totally stand out, and because it is written with freakin' bagloads of maturity and honesty, I find it hugely compelling to read. What is your motive? Is it to share the stories, to inform us, or is it more personal, a place for you to get things out of your system? Are you writing with anyone in mind?

It started as an email list to a few close friends and family--now it is probably all of these things. A friend suggested starting a blog, instead of email, but now some of my friends still want the email, because they aren't tech savvy!

So it started as me writing down all kinds of thoughts about what I am doing to inform close friends and family, and that is who I am writing to, first. A plus is, that it is very therapeutic and allows me to clear my head at the same time. I find the blog keeps me from posting a few things due to the public forum, so I may have to start a journal as well or send more emails.

Since I started the blog though, I figured it is my story, not some journalists, and I can do a better job writing about my story in Iraq than some of the stuff I've seen in print. So now when I write on my blog, I do think about everyone who will read it, and it really fits nicely, that I can write what I want to my friends and family while also trying to give my perspective on Iraq to anyone that reads.

Do you have any good mates to hang out with? What does one do with their time off in such a crazy dangerous country?

Like anyone in the military will tell you, I came here knowing no one, and now I have made many friends for life. I have lots of good mates to hang out with. Time off is a bit trickier-my camp is a bit limited, but I am fortunate to have easy internet access, which is a big plus. Other big things to do in time off--read, watch movies (we can order books and movies by post), sleep, work out, play cards, sleep, did I mention sleep? It can get quite boring, only because it feels like you are living in a prison camp, since moving around and doing what you want is too hard in Iraq, and staying on camp is about your only option.

Thanks heaps Mr Chairborne Stranger, do you have any words to leave us by?

Gosh, thanks for showing so much interest, and really, I hope this helped. The US Army does wonderful things in Iraq. The press may not report it, but we are doing it here.

Stay tuned to Iraq--its outcome means a lot to the entire world.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

First Annual Blogger Games!

Welcome to the Bloggolympics.

Now, this may or may not work, but I'm going to give it a good shot. I'm not too shy to say this could be the funnest thing to ever hit the blogosphere and I'm not too proud to suggest that we may never speak of this again...... but I give you:

Event 1/Round 1: Blog Paper, Rock, Scissors.

I've just chosen these competitors based on their excellent commentness, in this blog. If you wish not to participate please let me know. If you would like to join in if I ever, ever do this again, also, please let me know.

Blogger Matchups:

Melbourne vs Sydney
Bevis vs Jobe

Cleveland vs Near Salt Lake City
Sarah vs DrowninginJello

Friend vs Friend
Steph vs Auburn

Australia vs America
Muffin vs Meghan

I'll let you know the results and the Round 2 matchups in a couple of days.
Can you feel the excitement?

Wednesday, October 26, 2005


Despite the fact that I didn't do a single bit of work, they've decided they need me back for the next 12 days.

Oh well, at least I'll have heaps of time to read all your blogs....

Official Response to the Slightly, Totally Awesome Meghan

Yes. Yes, you can be Kermita.

Also, the whole responsible + bill paying versus world jaunts.
Meghan, it's totally freakin' scary! We've basically planned this thing with no clues on how to pay for it. I've basically had to assume that I'll be able to make it work. It's been easier that we've planned it almost 6 months in advance and pay for various things along the way but mostly, none of us have known where the money is to come from.

At the end of the day, you just make it work. You have to.
You bail on the more expensive funness and everyone else understands.
Adding to the degree of difficulty, Cara's band is recording but not gigging much, which is a crazy expensive process. Every now and then I have slight stresses, but all through my life everything has always worked out and I assume this is no different.

Have you thought about selling your right arm on Ebay?
That'd fund it for sure!

Yawn, don't mind me....

Well dear Internet, everything is going splendidly.

I am totally "between contracts" which is almost like holidays but with the potential of getting a new job at no notice. The market, however, might not be ready to take on some Adam Awesomeness this close to Christmas so I might just have to take a couple of months off.....(which I'm secretly hoping for despite that bank balance quitely hoping not. Why should that guy have all the say anyway?).

Last night was the 3rd anniversary.
Freakin' whoa!
We did discuss and decided against gifts. I don't really like stuff, I way prefer good times and Cara has a birthday on it's way so gifts were deemed unnecessary. Cara organised instead for us to see the Dirty Dancing stageshow. She really, really wanted to go and it kind of made sense since the love started when I asked her to compete in a dance competition.

I'm totally into surprising people, love it, it's like a druuuuuuuug. But (I know you shouldn't start a sentence with "but", work with me people) if the girl had organised the things and we're not the gifts, where do you work surprise in?

Cara is a total rockchick currently muffled by the man. I'm casual.
We have very differing tastes, but yesterday I took the plunge..... I went shopping by myself.


Not so scary, I've been shopping before, and have a habit of commanding the attention of all the staff in the adventure. This time I was totally out of my zone, and scared, and a little drunk from lunch with the boys.

Anyway, fast forward.
Cara leaves her almost inconvenient work meeting.
Calls Adam.
Adam down the street emergenance from parking place.
Head towards each other.
Cara completely walks past totally not registering The Adam.
Turns back when gone too far, looks around, sees me following and Bawhoa!!
I've never seen someone so excited and surprised and whoa!

I didn't even think girls really cared what dudes looked like, but she was the grinning! Completely totally blown away.
I looked hot.

So, anyway, we had a good night.

P.S) Dirty Dancing was terrible. Why all the overacting? Why?


Dude, dude, do more subtle.....

Friday, October 21, 2005

Ooooh yeah! Bowp Bowp chickchicka

The last ,the freakin, the day of work!!!

I'd like to thank my family and friends and most of all I'd like to thank you, the people, for supporting me through this most boring of times.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

The American Legend

Hi, is this Young Sarah the Awesome from
How are you today?
Well to be perfectly honest I'd kind of like to make out with you for calling me young. And awesome.

You're pretty funny for a chick, is it hard being a trailblazer and all round American legend?
Only Elvis Presley, David Hasselhoff and I can really know what this feels like.

The only thing I know about Cleveland is that they have a baseball team and the Drew Carey show was there. Is there anything else there that I should know about? Is it totally your favourite place in the whole wide world?
Well you should also know that Cleveland is the home of Arsenio Hall which means that by transitive it is the home of the "Woo Woo!" cheer. Also parts of downtown kind of smell like pee. It's one of my favorite places in the world because it's where I keep my bed and television.

Is there any chance that you'll be marrying Australian royalty in the foreseeable future?
Absolutely-that is if you say 'Yes'. You're the only Australian royalty I know.

Explain the weirdness.... you're friends psychotically love your blog and apply massive pressure to write more and more the funny, but they don't really listen to you when you see them. Have you thought about living through your blog much like the Great Wizard of Oz behind his curtain?
Wow-I love this idea. Have you ever seen "The Wiz"? It's a remake of "The Wizard of Oz" that was released in 1978 and starred Michael Jackson, Diana Ross and Richard Pryor. I want to be the wizard in that one because then I would be called The Wiz. I really can't explain why my friends are obsessed with the blog and not with me personally. I mean what's the deal? Do I smell? Am I a close talker? Do I offend with my coat made of human flesh? It certainly is a mystery.

So, um, do you, um, do you like...... stuff?
I like stuff, but I'm really more into things.

So, what do you think about the theory I just made up that your life is becoming more drunkener and funner to cater for the high demand of storiness of your blog?
I can see where you might think that, but the truth is I am always that drunk. If I knew how to create a line graph that would show my levels of drunkenness over time, it would be a mostly straight line with a small spike around the summer of 1999. I had a lot of fun that summer.

Do you have any theories that you'd like to make up?
I have this theory that whenever I enter a greeting card store or a shoe store, I will immediately have to go to the bathroom even if I went 5 minutes earlier.

Where is it exactly, that you learnt to tell totally okayish stories?
The skill for telling okayish stories isn't something that can be learned. It's passed down from generation to generation. It's just part of my heritage to be able to share mediocre stories in a semi-entertaining fashion.

Is the internet aware that there is a photo of you with a bag over your head in January 2005? Clearly I think in your blogiversary you should put up another shot of you with a bag to show how much you've grown. Hmm, did you notice this question was just a thinly veiled avenue for expressing my own opinion?
I'm not sure the internet is aware of that photo because nobody cared about me back then. I think putting up a new one for my blogiversary is a great idea even though nobody really cares about me now. Maybe this time I'll use a duffle bag. It's the new black. As far as this question just being a way for you to express your opinion, I am not surprised. You are extremely crafty and obviously untrustworthy.

I have noticed that most people start their blogs with total aspiration of sharing their innermost thoughts and experiences.... then totally deteriorate into writing about television shows. You totally started with the premise of writing about tv shows and stuff. Are you aware that this may have made you the smartest person to ever hang out with the internet?
Of course I'm aware of that. I'm the smartest person on the Internet, remember? Actually when I started the blog, I looked inside myself to begin discussing my innermost thoughts and feelings. Turns out my innermost thoughts and feelings are about "Lost", Hilary Duff and Bennifer.

If/when you have kids, will you name them Adam or go for more traditional names like Scooby Doo, Darth Maul, etc?
My kids will be numbered. I am way too busy being drunk and watching TV to try to remember names when I need one of them to bring me something. It's much easier to just yell out, "Number 2! Bring mommy her vodka!"

Thank you totally for your interviewness, are their any words you'd like to leave us with?
Kumquat, dinghy, woodpecker, penal and Uranus.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Got one week until our third anniversary. I still can’t believe Cara and I have lasted this long, it’s craziness. This is completely new ground for both of us and like any of our close friends. Anyway peeps, I want to do something specialish but not too special because she’s got a birthday in December. What to do, what to do? Are you kids gonna be helpful at all?

The Fun

It seems strange that at a time when travelling is foremost in my mind, that organising dinner with an interstate friend would turn out to be a festival of backpacker funness.
The routineness of life rarely allows for such opportunities and has given me a bit of a wake up call. It was just supposed to be Cara, myself and this mate down from Sydney - who brings along 4 backpackers? It took a while for these travelling bouncy balls of funness to get their act together, so the three of us did in fact catch up over dinner and afterwards all met up at Luna Park (a small amusement park, with rides and stuff). Luna Park is far scarier than any of those slick new places with the latest rides, Luna Park is only ever seconds from completely falling apart.

Anyway, I realised that being a traveller keeps you in a limbo away from real life, a limbo between childhood and adulthood. You've gotta be 'all grownup 'n' that' to like, catch planes and budget accordingly and interact with new people but you're totally a child because all you need to do in your life is 'experience'.

It's totally bizarre. The rest of our lives are spent building. Building careers, friends, savings, houses, families, emotional walls and authentic 16th century wooden crossbows.

Travelling is completely self-indulgent, how freakin brilliant is that?

Somewhere in my youth I OD'd on rides and now am completely invincible, Cara on the other hand has never been on such adventures ever! God it was funny. She was the most scared I've ever seen a person and yet would be continually peer pressured into more and more scarey things. We got kicked off two of the rides and way totally broke the dodgem cars - we are adults.

While I totally have a life ahead of me, I can't help but feel that time to 'just experience' is wasting away.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Using the internet for good instead of evil...

Have any of you kids ever been to Japan?
We're arriving in Tokyo about 6pm, then our flight leaves from Tokyo 4 days later. Any suggestions on what we should do, where we should go?

Any clues on accomodation?

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

First Ever Dummy Spit on Internet by Me!

Lady Across the Road, do something about your freakin dog!!!!

We've been living in the Court of Dogs for over a year now. (Um, "court" as in a no-through road, turn around car bit at the end, cul-de-sac thing, not "court" with, like, Dog Judges and Dog Lawyers).

We don't really fit into the Court of Dogs because everyone else has kids and dogs and broken toys all over their yards, but they wave at us and we wave at them and everyone is happy.

Most of the dogs are these small yappy things that bark a lot and wag their tails and occasionally get ridiculous haircuts, but there has been one dog that has been terrorising me on my bike most mornings. I don't remember this happening pre-Sydney so I haven't built up any coping mechanism, but the morning routine is that I start up my bike, this dog shoots out and barks and tries to nip my heals and as I take off it chases the bike and runs in front of me, etc.

Sometimes it's owner is nowhere to be found, sometimes she's in her dressing gown and slippers yelling at her dog. Actually, every time I've seen her day/night she's dressed the same. And she's yelling at this dog. That fully ignores her.

So, this morning another dog runs and barks at me as I walk to my bike. This prompts dressing gown lady to walk out and yell for her dog to come inside. Cool, thanks for that.

Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zero.

I sit there and wait for her to find her dog, and eventually she just stands there with a 'I don't know'/'I am too old' look. So, I start the bike up. No rabid beast of tiny. Cool.

I start to move off and as I pass her place on the corner, her dogs jumps out of the front yard where she was standing and barrels towards my front wheel. I'm learning that dogs have that trick where they like to run straight at you then swerve off at the last second. I'm still new at this so I brake and nearly drop my bike. It circles round going hack and I just leave. Plus Gusto.

What the hell was the old lady doing?!?!?!
Why was she yelling out for a dog that was actually in her own yard?
Why does she even have a dog/vicious little rat that she has no control over?
Why is it free to roam the freakin' streets?!?

I don't hate many things (letmejustthink.... nope nothing really) JUST THIS FREAKING LITTLE DOG!! I don't hate any other dogs, JUST THIS FREAKING LITTLE DOG!

I'd like to apologise in advance if this accidentally boils over into a species war. I don't think we could win against the cute ones..... awwww... look at him press the nuclear missle with his widdle paw = end of humanity.

Sorry about that chief.

5.30pm, if you don't get here right this very second, I'm going to smack your little, tardy, slow-poke, taking your damn sweet time, bottom!!

Monday, October 03, 2005

Still makes me laugh....

From the sometimes humourous:

E-mail Addresses It Would Be Really Annoying to Give Out Over the Phone.
- - - -

This makes me laugh at the stupidest times.....

Who do you think you're talking to?

In the last few months I've built up quite a collection of your blogs that I like to read, but this morning I thought I'd go adventuring again and see what I could find. I didn't find any new good people to stalk but what I did notice, and have noticed with all of your blogs too, is that I tend to search through the stories to try and determine who the person is. Obviously I don't mean name and address, but what makes the ticking. Personal stories show tidbits but I don't think many people try and describe who they are.

Which is what I'm going to attempt now.

Now, I realise there is a big difference between how others see us and how we see ourselves. I'll try and chuck in both.

Hi, my name is Adam.
When I was younger, I decided that the whole life after death thing sounded pretty suss and so realised that the only way to exist afterwards was in people's memories, the stories they told about you, etc. It sounds heavy for a kid to think, but it was fairly positive, it determined that all my dealings with people were going to be pretty lovely. I wasn't obsessed or anything, it meant that if things got crap, I put in a lot of effort to make it all good.

So, I was lovely all over the shop and fairly well liked as lovely people are.
I went from a little poorer class multicultural primary school to a poncy single sex, 'everyone but us drives a fancy car and has expensive shoes' highschool. I didn't know a single person whereas everyone else grew up toegther, I'd say about 90% of the school was greek or italian and had a lot in common. It took me two years to get over the shock of it all.

After two years I nutted out some mates and things got good. We were stupid and everything was made into a competition. We spent all our time making up games to beat each other at, and by the end of our school years we all how our things we were the best at. I was by far the fastest, could jump the highest and had totally no fear to do stupid things because I was too scared to show any weakness.

I wasn't real good at sports though, mostly through a complete absence of any practice. The school would practically bully everyone into playing extra-curricular sports and so I would resist on principle. It now means that playing anything these days, I'm am all speed and gusto with no skill.

I didn't go to the Year 12 formal because I didn't know a single girl until I went to Uni. I was suprised with how normal chicks were and totally comfortable I was - especially after 6 or so years wondering....

I don't retain knowledge of stuff, so if you listen to dudes talking, they spend a lot of time talking about details and specifications of stuff. I've never known footy stats or car specs or the best way to build a pergola. I learn by listening rather than reading. I did alright at uni because I forced myself to go to all the tutorials. Chicks talk about people more, I like people far more than I like to know which market motorbike model was fastest in 2001.

So, in terms of good lovin', being lovely either gets you no chicks or girls that have been hurt. These girls taught me to be less lovely, after a while I'd completely OD, break up in the most lovely way and then get myself the hell stalked for a while. I liked a lot of people but didn't have a real close group of mates because we all seemed to live so far from the place.

I hung out a lot with my high school mates instead. Together, we spent a lot of time not picking up any girls. Together we were freakin hopeless. We had no pub or nightclub skills at all. It's freakin funny now.

I got a lot out of my uni because they had absolutely no reputation. So, knowing their students couldn't compete with other students for jobs based on name, they just put a good bit of effort into getting everyone work experience. It was at that work experience that I finally had an awesome group of everyone to hang out with. I worked for a year and in that year there was a lot of us similar ages, and we all drank a lot, and bonded like nothing else. There was a lot of people in this gang and everyone brought more people and it was all very incestuous and totally awesomely excellent.

Family life for me always sucked. My mum is crazy aggressive while my sister and dad are not. Even though I was really pretty nice to everyone, I couldn't, wouldn't let my mum bully me like she did the others. The thing was, I'm hardly confrontational. Every time she'd beat me down and every time my well thought out arguments would be massacred. For years, it seemed like every couple of weeks my mum would go skitz, everyone else would run for cover and do exactly what she wanted, I'd call her up on it, we'd have a massive fight, I'd relent because I didn't want to be kicked out, everyone would be moody and then things would be back to normal.

My parents got divorced when I was still at highschool and I didn't tell anyone for a long, long time. Not because I was ashamed, but I just couldn't be bothered with people wanting to be all consoling and that. It was in the days where divorce was all over the TV and whatnot but no one actually knew anyone divorced. Things between me and my mum were pretty good while she had a focus for her aggression.

She got over it after a bit and then things were worse than ever. Thanks to the work experience though, I had spare cashage and so moved the hell out. Quickly. A friend had been lamenting that her grandfather had moved into a home and her family had to drive out and look after it every couple of days, blah blah blah. So I rented the whole house for $50. Freakin awesome!

Had my own place, had a life enriching group of friends, had cash, life was beautiful.... little did I know that the family who owned the house I was in would become a massive freakin nightmare. They were all crazy, but the girl I knew became the worst stalker I was ever to know. I am far less lovely now.

I can now pick stalker potential in someone really, really quick.
Since then I've had a few massive hangyouty groups, a million different jobs, different girlfriends, different houses. I used to be a different person dependent on would I was hanging out with... it was exausting and scary and so now I'm the same person all over the shop, whether with new people, at work or with my funnest friends.

I put effort in being fun for people and I'd like to think everyone's fairly comfortable around me. I'm good at saying stupid funny things to new people I meet which is usually fairly well received. The people I love, I love totally.... and then OD.... and then love them again. I go hermitise every now and then. I know that people like me, but I still get jealous when people go on and on about other people that don't treat them real well. I used to be real nice to people, really over the top complementry, and while I was always being sarcastic no one ever seemed to realise that. People responded well initially, then got over it. The tide turned when a totally outspoken friend said I was syrupy. Whoa, like yuk!

I've come to tease people a lot more since then, which people seem far more comfortable with. I think I've become far less lovely and maybe slightly more challenging, but still with extra funness. I think I'm smart, but I'm not very quick. As such, I had some good quick responses which I could use for anything. They have been known as 'Adamisms' and apparently are totally, completely way contagious. Since I've become a bit more teasingy and less nice I haven't really developed as many responses to stupid stuff people say so I'm not as quick as I used to be.

And this, my friends, is me, today, in this particular frame of mind. Later dudes!