Saturday, November 26, 2005

Jobe and BEVIS are the same person!!

You heard it here first!

Monday, November 21, 2005

Freakin not stood up again!!

A while ago, I was having a bit of a whinge, a bit of a complain, a bit of a 'sooky sooky la la' about a young model who had stood me up twice (Twice!). Some months later I finally worked up the courageness to give it another attempt. This chick was way better with her correspondence and totally showed up with helpers, makeup chick, bodyguard, driver, etc forcing me to be actually okayish instead of dodge.

Anyway, here are some of the shots:

Random Post of Languageness.

Hey, hey, as mentioned below, a little bit of language learning has been coming my way and I've decided that for our little travelling group of four need to concentrate on the following phrases. Anyone wanna translate? Extra points are provided to those who can describe my travelling companions.


"Rápidamente Cara"
"Necesito hacer juegos malabares bolas."
"¿Me excusan los niños pequeños, pueden yo ensamblar adentro en su juego?"
"¿Dónde puedo conseguir un afeitado?"


"¿Dónde está el tocador?"
"¡Necesito un resto!"
"¡Déme cuatro cervezas!"
"¡Dé vuelta encima de la música!"


"Rápidamente Cara"
"Necesitamos entrar en esta dirección."
"Estoy enojado."
"Alex, usted es lindo."


"Rápidamente Cara"
"¿Por qué está Danielle enojado?"
"¡Tengo hambre!"
"¡Funcionemos para la diversión!"

Well hello there children,
I am alive! Huzzah!

I do apologise muchly for my absence, I hope you haven't been too scared.
You see ...... (gather round kids, your uncle adam is gonna tell a story)... it all started a long, long time ago in a place not to far from here. There was a young man called Adam and he was very wise. In his wisdom, he decided he probably shouldn't hang out with the internet while
he was at work, finding out that they track and check up on all external website hits. This meant that this young man could only update his blogamiggy after working hours. Oh the pain. Especially since the young man was doing even less at work then he previously had. So, after work on Monday, Adam was quite set to play with his friends again, but then found he was instead going to A Very Excellent Night of Funness at the famous Spielgeltent. That's alright, Tuesday night is just as good, but no, Adam accidentally promised to teach people how to dance/shake their bootay/move spasmodically. Wednesday? No, that's for Spanish. Thursday? Salsa dude, can't be using no computers that night. Friday? Are you freakin' crazy?!? That's the biggest night of the lot. Saturday? That day is jampacked dude, no time of spareage and the night has now become the biggest night of the lot. Sunday? Sunday is all full up. Whoa! Freakin' exhausted. So, we're back to Monday, and nearly back to funness.

But. BUT! An update on the importance. Bloggolympics Events Two and Three will be run simultaneously and starting very shortly.

Now.... I'm sure there was some other crap that I wanted to post right about now too....

Saturday, November 12, 2005

If you remember...

... a bit ago when I said I visited the house I lived in for 2 and a half years straight after moving away from home. I went back to take a photo for you all, and amazingly, after four years of just sitting there rotting, someone had started cleaning the place up in the week between my visits.

This house has a lot of memories for me. Three of the biggest parties ever, having a dude move in for a month while he was between places and me having to kick him out 10 months later because he had joined a cult and gotten weird, being stalked by the landlords daughter for most of that two years, the startings of my now closest group of friends, my own space - something I had never had before, the boredom, the good times, the love, the learning how to cook, clean, wash my own clothes, the neighbours, locking myself out the night before my 21st and sleeping on the step.

Ahhhh, the memories.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Bloggolympics Grand Final Result!

..... the competitors raise their hands again. The strain is visible, the pressure high, the world watching. A bead of sweat slides down Bevis' forehead. He doesn't notice. His mind is a buzz, he thinks of his first car, his hopes, his dreams, the unmatchable excitement of winning a paper, rock, scissors competition at primary school and then the crushing disappointment to test positive for the performance enhancing Coca Cola, fairybread and peanut butter combo. His mind races for an eternity, when he suddently snaps and thinks only clarity. He's ready.

Meghan goes through her own world, her life, her losses and achievements. She remembers the first time a grown up took her aside and told her she had potential to be a rock, scissors, paper champion of the world. She remembers training night after night, day after day, dealing with the doubts, ignoring the people that said she couldn't make it, knowing in her heart of hearts that she would represent her country in her chosen sport. Her mind also races, then she looks at Bevis. She smiles. Everything is in that smile. Bevis smiles back. They both know that whatever happens in the next couple of seconds, they will be friends - locked together forever by this experience. She is ready.



Every single thing in the whole world stops.

"Bevis has....... rock"
"Meghan has....... scissors"

Bevis and Meghan look at each other, they both laugh.

"Bevis is the Bloggolympics Champion of the World!"
The world erupts!! Everyone lost in the moment hugs their friends, their family, strangers, enemies, everyone. People yell, parties start the world over.

The Judge brings Meghan and Bevis to the podium, they can hardly be seen, people are jumping all over the place. The cameras are jostled aplently. People are too joyous to notice.

"Speech...... speech" are the only words that can be heard the world over.

Bloggolympic Results.

Our brave competitors faced off, each with their respective countries behind them, each with supporters near and far chanting their name.

"Bevis", "Meghan", "Meghan", "Bevis".

The crowds were deafening, a pure human wall of sound, people screaming their lungs out in support until the overly attractive Judge says....

"Quiet Please"

A hush falls over the arena, the silence a shock to the system of all except the two figures standing in the middle. They couldn't be more different people, yet united by the event they have fought all to participate in. One of these two will be the Bloggolympics Champion of the World.

They both raise their hands. Bevis is full of excitement and energy,Meghan displaying a moment of self-doubt. Their hands bounce in the centre; one, two. Everything rides on this result, the crowd leans forward as one.

"Bevis has.... scissors"

"Meghan has..... scissors"


The crowd can't believe it, some look faint. Each member of the audience and the millions watching the televised coverage, wonders how they wouldcope, standing in the centre, the eyes of the world on you, facing off against an awesome competitor.

To be continued.....

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Bloggolympics! Event One! Round Two!

It's here! It's massive! It's been worth the wait (opinion of Adam 10/11/2005)!!

We have the results of the Round 2 of the first event of the Bloggolympics. Not a single draw, these competitors are truly professionals.

Bevis (paper) vs DrowninginJello (rock)
Winner: Bevis
Is the Melbourne Muppetman unstoppable?!?

Auburn (rock) vs Meghan (paper)
Winner: Meghan
Meghan once again wraps her competitor in love and you know, defeat.

Thank you so much to DrowninginJello and Auburn for their athletic contributions. This competition would have been nothing without their spirit!

Bloggolympics Event One Grand Final!

I can hardly type I'm so excited!

The competitors:

Bevis. After the history making battle and titanic 5 draws with Jobe, Bevis represented Australia in the ever strong American competitor DrowninginJello. He went into the match emotionally and phyiscally exhausted from his bout with Jobe but still managed to win with a last ditch effort. Will he have the strength to take on Meghan? Will he prove to be unstoppable?

Meghan. She's won the hearts of so many bloggers since her arrival on the Bloggolympic scene, she is the darling of the arena. Her warm, gentle and caring nature often make her defeated opponents her biggest supporters. Representing America in this international grandfinal of the Bloggolympics, will she carry her country to glory as the first country to take out the title? Contraversally, could this be the last time she represents the country of her birth before being poached by Australia?

The Grand Final.
Bevis vs Meghan.

On your marks, get set, go!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Che Disastero!

Instead of finishing up at the end of the week, it looks like I'm going to be here until the end of the year. I was crazily looking forward to living the life of a free man and had heaps of adventures planned, but I guess at the end of the day, we trade freedom for moola and so I'll continue lining the pockets of The Man for a bit. This might totally upset my inclusion of the funness nailpolishblues was planning. The worst bit is that they've cracked down on internet usage and so I won't be funness to you the people during the working day. I know my comments have brought sunshine into your lives at all levels. Duh! Feel free to leave summaries of your lives in the comments section though. That'll be heaps efficient, thanks!

I'm justing waiting on young DrowninginJello and we'll have Round Two of the Bloggolympics all Announced.

Now just one cotton picking minute....

When you've got a moment, feel free to type in adamisntgoinganywhere into that Google monster. Click Search.

What would you expect? My blog thing, for sure? Some of your blog things where you've referenced me, why not?

Would you expect........ "gay cairns australia"? What about freakin "gay kangaroo island australia"?

HowthewhatthehellofaresultsisthehellofthatPSalsowhatthe? I've never even been to Cairns or Kangaroo island (although I do hear they are lovely this time of year). Can you hear me internet? I HAVEN"T EVEN BEEN TO THOSE PLACES, oh yeah, also I'M NOT AN EXCELLENT REPRESENTATIVE OF THE GAY POPULATION OF AUSTRALIA, BEING YOU KNOW, NOT THE GAYEST! Freakin! The irony of the words adamisntgoinganywhere to be used to link holiday destinations is almost too much. Damn you internet and all your entertainingness/ironies! I'd totally abscond, if only I knew what the word meant.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Saturday morning, the world is sleeping, a skill I've never truly acquired. Gotta get moving, movement with no direction, aim or destination. Movement purely for movements sake. I find myself in areas I have not been for a very, very, very long time. Roads I spent every day on for years I now struggle to remember where they lead. I found the house I lived in for 2 years, the one that had burnt down a couple of months after I moved out. It's still sitting there, only scorch marks and half a roof in a leafy, quiet suburb. The house I moved into after deciding two days prior that I couldn't possibly live with my mum anymore. The next door neighbour that was so incredibly welcoming and friendly. Went past the house of the girl who hung out with my friends years after we broke up. The carpark where I learnt to drive. The hilly roads that we skateboarded down pulled along by bicycles until we hit reckless speeds and overtook the bikes. The shopping centre where I bought birthday, christmas presents, where we hung out, went through that shoplifting phase, stealing stuff we didn't need and certainly didn't want but was the biggest thrill we knew. The house of my best friend whose little 8 year old brother collapsed and died after we had moved away and weren't there for them. My dad's old office that my sister and I spent thousands if not hundreds of hours hanging out in. The family house where we had to tell people after my Dad for money that he wasn't home, had to vet every phone call. The driveway where the car was repossessed but I didn't understand how or why. The house I used to hang out on the roof, the house where the worlds fastest skateboard was stolen and I spent the next few years in rollerblades. The venue of our year 10 something something afterparty where the dudes who knew how to pick up chicks and the dudes who didn't were so obviously divided. Emotional freakin' rollercoaster! So many things I'd forgotten, sometimes I think all we have is our memories. Too freakin' fragile!


It's monday morning, I'm completely hungover, surviving on four hours sleep, just had a sausage roll and three Teddy bear biscuits for breakfast, I've accidentally rocked up in a bright blue shirt, brown pants and black shoes.

I am THE professionalism!
Come to me for all your fashion and dietary queries.

I solemnly promise to you that I will read each one of your blogs 1000, maybe 1004 times today.

4.5 days to go.

Thursday, November 03, 2005


Freakin' tagged. What's the world coming to? I thought I was exempt from such daggy blogger things, who can resist The BEVIS?
Here's goes some stuff... (I have no idea what's coming next).

1. I can very rarely recall stories of my own. I am an excellent listener, brilliant problemfixeruperer, totally groovy councillor, massively awesome at one liners and saying stupid things for funness but can't for the life of me recall any stories (real or fictional, my own or those of others). The weird side effect is that people LOVE talking to me and totally thank me for the 'chat', 'convo', 'good times'.

2. I am horrendously sunburnt at the moment.

3. I am a highly sought after IT guru who has, in actual fact, not actually done any work for about two years. I keep on accidentally picking up contracts from companies who think they need me. I've always had my contracts extended. I don't even hide the fact that I don't do any work, I am completely in the twilight zone. One day I would like to work a full day to see if I can actually do it. The internet has been my saviour and you people have totally entertained me through the past few years. I started writing a book when I didn't have access...

4. I am a dance teacher, I am teaching some friends their wedding dance in a couple of hours.

5. I love people more than anything else. The thrill of hanging out with new cool people (or old cool people, whatever) fills me with excitement like nothing else.

6. A lot of my friends seem to be growing up at the moment, I'm totally happy for them and a little bit excited on their behalf. I have actually planned not to grow up for at least another four years with the option to extend for a further 12.

7. I hope to never own a car.

8. I didn't make it to my ten year high school reunion a fortnight ago because my powernap raged out of control.

9. I always choose clothes, accessories and shoes by how well it's going to allow me to instantly spring into action. Shoes that might fall off if I needed to sprint down a street and pull an old lady out from a burning piano are no good. Watches or necklace things or whatever that may get caught if I was jumping a fence to stop a flood are no good. I don't wear watches or anything around my neck or anything for this reason. To date I haven't had to spring instantly into action, but when I do need to, I'll be ready. Anarachy, Bring it!

10. Whoa! Half way! Good work Adam. I've planned to get married to young Nicoletta in the first week of October 2007. We are having the twins in 2008. Sam is getting married to Alex around that time. After a couple of years, I am getting married to Sam while Nicoletta gets married to someone else and we are all going to help raise the twins in our big family of love. In the meantime Cara is being a rockstar. In 2011 Sam is marrying whoever (maybe her current boyfriend or whoever), I'm marrying Cara and we will have two girls. One will be a rockstar and one will be a superhero. Their training will start at a fairly early age.

11. I have, on two separate occasions been coerced to um, pash a young man. Both were involved with a game of "pash 'n' bash" where you are supposed to pash people whose names are on either side of the alphabet. Both times, being 'Adam' I've had to start, both times the next person on the alphabetical ladder has been male. The first time the game completely stopped because everyone squealed, laughed, cried and couldn't possibly continue. The second time a few more pashes did happen before the game stopped at 'C'. The first time the game was played became the biggest talking point of that group of people for a very long time.

12. I may never get married, I'm not sure I see the point. I don't think I'll have kids for environmental and selfish reasons. I find the traditional lifestyle of study, work, marry, buy house, have kids, enjoy life, retire; a bit scary and responsible for the huge overpopulation of the world. I think I'd be too scared of this descructive path this world is on to introduce someone else to it. I don't want to be negative, but I'm sure we've all have thoughts on any badness that may be ahead.

13. I go to great lengths to avoid Christmasness. Can not deal. Really, really psychotically can't.

14. I have a 18 month old little half brother. I am going to teach him snowboarding and other funness. I haven't had that much to do with him lately for all the usual excuses.

15. I don't really watch any television. I don't mind chucking on a DVD or something when I've up for some veg action, but mostly I just get bored sitting in front of the teev. My favourite movie of all time is The Blues Brothers and at the moment, DVDs of TV shows I like to watch are The Office and Family Guy. That is all. I never ever call people on the telephone. I don't really like using the thing, especially not to just chat. I've always felt like talking on the phone has prevented me from doing something actually fun.

16. I have almost every night planned until the end of this year. I don't however, want to think about NYE because that guy will always sort himself out in the last couple of days anyway. I don't mean to be so planned, people just invite me to things. It's almost exhausting but way totally exciting to be me. You should try it one day.

17. Everything always works out for me. Always. It's freaky weird.

18. For the first time that I can remember, I'm not really excited by anything at the moment. I'm not sure what do to about it - you can't force yourself to be excited. I feel like I'm searching for something, I'm just not sure what, a life direction or something. It's like everything is so sorted that I'm bored. Weird.

19. I totally have a hardcore souped up metabolism. I have always had to eat 6 full meals to get through a day and a good portion of my income does go into my stomach. As such, an old girlfriend that used to read a menu 4 times in order to choose the very best meal for that day used to drive me mental. I'm heaps more tolerant now, I know that I need to eat before going out to eat. I'm not really into eating really good quality food because I really just need to drive the hunger away, I don't really get the pleasure out of food and drink that others seem to. I'm not a great cook for this reason, but no one ever, ever, ever goes hungry. I encourage old people to cook for me. I've been known to adopt myself out to my friends parents. Girls like me because I need food.

20. I currently have no work, whatsoever to do.

Bloggolympics Tie Breaker!

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, it has finally happened!

The mammoth bout between those two male legends has finally been decided. Exhausted, they put their all in for a final sprint to the finish line, but there can be only one winner. Without further crapola, I give you:

Round One Result:

Bevis (scissors) vs Jobe (paper)
Winner : Bevis.
Bevis gets the upper hand and cuts a sliver off Jobe's paper. It's barely there but it's enough to win and send Bevis through to the second round. Whoooo!

I think these young men deserve a round of applause for their efforts!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Bloggolympics Round One Results!!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, here is the moment you've been waiting for!!!

Bevis (paper) vs Jobe (paper)
Winner : To Be Decided
Drew four times. Amazing. Heartbreaking. Magnificant. Are Melbourne and Sydney exactly equal?

Sarah (scissors) vs DrowninginJello (rock)
Winner : DrowninginJello
DrowninginJello gracefully pounded Sarah's scissors into a million, trillion little pieces.

Steph (scissors) vs Auburn (rock)
Winner : Auburn
Auburn has oft warned Steph of running in the house with scissors, now Steph will never, ever, ever forget.

Muffin (rock) vs Meghan (paper)
Winner : Meghan
Meghan politely and with much love gift wraps Muffin's rock. The love brings a tear to my eye.

Round Two!!!!!

Just when you didn't think it could get any hotter:

DrowninginJello vs (SMS 'Bevis' or 'Jobe' to 19 10 10)

America vs Australia Part I - The fellowship of the rock, paper, scissors.

Auburn vs Meghan

Australia vs America Part II - Cagematch.

We're just a round two and grand final away from Bloggolympic Champion of the World.

* I'll update who DrowninginJello is competing against once I finally have a winner. It might be a dude called 'Jobevis'.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005


This is it kids, this is the moment I'm ready to tell you that I don't have the official results yet. Those excellent boys have drawn again. That's 3 times in a row people! Clearly, they are amazing!

You can't write drama this good!
Trust me when I say you'll get the results the second they come in. I've never been this poised for anything in my entire life!