Saturday, July 29, 2006

Adam is a hoe.

You know what it is time for? DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS TIME FOR?

That's right, it's time for your/my dog's favourite blog topic, 'How did Google find me?'

While most blogs (ok, two) have published a post on this before, I have always refrained.

Not because I am a prude (although, this is true) and not because I'm too cool to do anything anyone else has done. It's because I've never had any good googles land in my lap. It's all been searches for 'australian accounting practices' and 'boring blogs' and 'who has nothing to say, part one, section one' that has brought people here, and well, I was embarrassed.

But, no longer. At long last, the bored internet browsers of the world have given me postness.

Google searches that have found my blog:
"don't put baby in the corner"
"boobs control office"
"random acts of craziness"
"chingate means"
"cotton picking minute"

Firstly, I'd like to thank the people that read my blog for over 11 hours. I've been banging away for years to help you escape your own lives and to invite you into mine. I do hope though, you had a sandwich before starting to read, malnourishment of internerds is a serious problem in todays society.

Secondly, I feel I should explain to you all the blog related crazy, wackiness that brought these peeps here.

"don't put baby in the corner" clearly refers to that time I played a bit part as a dancer/staff member in the boxoffice smash Dirty Dancing 2. I hope the internerds enjoyed my story about standing within 22 metres of the hollywood director also HAVING THE STAR OF THE MOVIE REFER TO A GROUP OF US AS "THEM". I still have signed black and white headshot photos of myself to post out to anyone interested.

"boobs control office" is probably about the 6 months I was contracted to EAWRA in Sydney. I worked hard at the Ensuring Australian Women Remain Attractive head offices and it was very, very rewarding work. Did you guys know that prior to magazine bombardment, Australian women were 48% happier but 23% less attractive? Before my work at EAWRA, the divorce rate was below the successful marriage rate and so Australian women thought the odds were good enough to let themselves go after tasting that wedding cake. Now, the Letting Themselves Go After Marriage Index is at an all time low. I do miss that place and the people, they were really passionate.

"random acts of craziness" ha ha ho ho, is probably relating to that story of the time we, hahahahaha, swapped the 'M' key and 'N' key of our collegues keyboard. Hahahahahahahaha! Crazy, crazy times, hehehe.

"chingate means" refers to the post I made clarifying definitions of Australian words for our International friends. While it's a word that many Americans recognise and identify with Australian culture, they don't actually understand the significance of the exact definition.

"cotton picking minute" Umm, I don't really know what this means or what it refers to. I think it is a mistake.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

What, just what, is the delight of Brisb?

Hi, is this the Delightful Jen from How are you today?

Of course it's me, how many other Jens who are also delightful could there be? Today I am feeling rather chuffed, I think I am still basking the glow of my own awesomeness after my killer presentation yesterday, and Thursday is my Friday. What's to be unhappy about?

Is it true you are a worker bee and a study bee and a blogger bee? When do you sleep?

It is true that I work part time, study full time and that blog fairly consistently, however study is a term which I'd say loosely describes what I do. While I am enrolled full time in an internal university course, I don't do a lot of actual studying. I sleep at night time, like normal folks. I am actually a sissy girl who needs at least six hours a night to feel human, no all nighters for me.

So, not only do you seem delightful, but your comments and posts also give the impression that you are lovely. Is this a complex hoax to get us to vote you Lord President of Australia in order to successfully wrest control of Channel 9? That's pretty messed up, if you just asked I would have given you the money to buy it (ie, cheaper for cash?).

I am so pleased you think I am not only delightful but also lovely. How nice of you! I hate to admit it, but this is just me. I wasn't even aware I was creating that impression. However if you still want to elect me Lord President of Australia, I won't complain, I've always felt I've been destined for greatness. I'm also very flattered you'd give me money to buy control of Channel 9, I think I would just be happy having the title of Lord President, I'll leave the actual controlling to you.

For those of us new to the delightfulness of Jen, are you new to Brisb?

No, I have been here since day one.

For your way cool presentation, you claimed that being prepared and knowing your subject matter inside out was the secret to your success? That post didn't make much sense until I transposed the words 'being prepared' with 'wielding the Furious Axe of Zeus' and 'knowing our subject matter' with 'plundering and pillaging'. Are you aware that violence isn't always the answer?

Being the biggest pacifist I know, I am keenly aware that violence isn't the answer. Manipulation and mind tricks however, might be.

If someone was new to Brisbane, what should they see that is cool?

Other than me, of course? Brisbane is really kind of boring so there is not a great deal to really enjoy. The best place ever to eat is at Wagamama in the Valley. They are just a chain of restaurants which are in all capital cities, but their sweet potato chips are just about the best thing ever. The Queen Street Mall is also worth seeing, even if it's just for the emo migration which seems to occur daily from around lunch time. The Valley Markets are also pretty cool, but I have not been there for ages, so I'm sorry if they have become boring.

How many times have you been married and in which countries?

Yet to be married, much to the disappointment of many friends and relatives. I was proposed to in Bali, when I was on holidays in Grade Six, that was pretty wrong. Unfortunately, that's been my only proposal to date.

Is delightfulness a decision or has it been thrust upon you by your character? Can you be delightful and still have fire in your belly?

As I mentioned before, I was never really quite aware that I was actually seen as delightful. I think it is part a conscious decision to be a nice person where possible, but most of it is just me. I kind of wonder if I had called myself NastySkankJen if people would still have been aware of any delightfulness? I think it's very easy to be delightful with fire in your belly, it's very easy to be focused and make things happen whilst being mindful of your actions involving others.

What will you be doing at 11:17am Thursday June 20th 2009?

If we were to look at past behaviour as a predictor of my future behaviour, I dare say I will still be at uni. However, if things actually go to plan (though I am yet to sort out the finer details of the 'plan') I will be rich and famous, and swanning around somewhere cool.

Your blog is probably most like a diary that I've seen. Were you always a diary journal writer? What made you blog up?

I didn't really intend for my blog to turn our diary-like, I think I just tend to blog about the stuff I know and do. I will never be someone who tackles the big, controversial or political issues. I enjoy blogs who cover that stuff, but it's just not me. I've never kept a diary before, but I have started (and deleted) a number of blogs before because I always got discouraged because no one ever read them. This time I just decided to blog because I like doing it, and comment on the blogs I like to read, and turns out people seem to like reading mine. I love that I have people who keep coming back, it makes it so much more fun.

What is nutrametics thing? Will it totally make you a deadset famous teacher, ie, famouser than Robin Williams and Liam Neeson?

The Nurtimetics stuff is essentially like Avon, but more expensive and nicer. It's just a way I hope to generate a little extra income so I can maintain the lifestyle I like. Being a poor student isn't always fun. I dare say that if I was to become famous, it won't be from teaching. Teachers don't get anywhere near the recognition they deserve, but I won't get on that soap box right now :) If you are after cosmetics or skincare products though, I'm your girl.

Thank you so much for this interview, do you have any way groovy words to leave us bye?

Well mostly I can't really believe you choose to interview me, much less thank me for it. Thank you, Adam, this has been such fun! I love reading about other people, and it seems I have a couple of people who enjoy me too. Hooray for everyone!

A brief conversation with myself.

Yo Adam!

Hey Adam dude, how you doin'?

Yeah, good man, how was your weekend?

Yeah, good, it was some days ago now though.

True that, what did you get upto?

Went to beach to meet some friends, they were on a bit of a roadtrip...

Which friends?

Some friends, what's with all the questions man?

Well, ah, I think I found a bit of a post about you on the internet. Would these friends refer to you as 'SS'?

Oh heh, yeah, I got to pick my own initials, obviously, I chose SuperSlut. Where is this post man?

Duuuuur dude, on the blog of the friends you went to hang with, are you even awake man?

Oh, so, here then?

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

I am the super suave young business man.
I walk the city of Brisbane, for meetings and for food hunting.
I am cool.
I am collected.
I am immaculate.
I am too professional for a backpack, everything I need is tiny and in my pockets.
I am too strong for a business jacket, the weather cannot touch me.
I am too intent for sunglasses, I will not hide from sun or glare.
I am the super suave young business man.
My steps are measured, my back straight, I do not run to cross the road or to catch transport.
Everything is organised.
Everything is calculated.
Today I fell completely up the steps of central station, completely caned myself, my 'whoooaaaaahahhhahaha!' alerting everyone around me not to trip themselves up as they trampled. I had to limp to the side of the steps and then continue in a hobble.
I am quality.
I am class.
I am proud I didn't cry.

I've got 3 and a half days of work left here and I'm really freakin' struggling.
There is nothing quite as demotivating as knowing that there are no consequences.
That amount of time has never seemed so long.
How on earth am I going to get through?

Monday, July 24, 2006

rrrrraaaaaagggghhhhhhh, rock 'n' roll.

Last night on the train there was a young bogany mum, a young bogany dad and their little girl in a pram. The little girl was a bit grumbily. Not crying, just a bit unhappy. This little family had a friend along, a very tall, very rock and roll, very loud dude. Had massive dark sunglasses and massive black earrings shaped like carrots that touched his shoulders. He talked non-stop and was crazy loud, clearly putting on a show for the rest of us who were reading or day-dreaming out the window.

I fell asleep but was woken by the young bogany dad doing backwards somersaults using the rings you hold onto near the train doors. The rocker dude then launched into a whole speech how they should stop scaring the 'normal' people, how he loves being a 'freak' and not a 'conformist'. God, I'm so bored with the 'look at me, I'm so different' crowd, everyone thinks they are different and better than everyone else. This dude in his late twenties was dressed all in black and clearly spent a lot of time on his appearance and was so not a conformist that he co-incidentally looks the same as every 15-18 year old in Brisbane.

It's this type of attidude that makes me realise that there is always going to be fighting in the world. Everyone wants to fit in with someone, and by fitting in has to exclude everyone else. Exclusion leads to malice, angry to fighting. This dude, everything he did on the train was purely for attention, but he seems like he could have been cool if he wasn't so needy.

It hit a nerve because of my own opinions of myself. I am the everyman. The group that I do fit into is the group that no one wants to fit into, the people who feel they've sold out and work in an office for the dollar, but instead have found an avenue to get the things they want. I've never realised that I enjoy the office environment, the interaction, I like that the image of myself I give to the world can change whenever I want, that I can't be bothered with allowing myself to be labelled and pigeon holed so easily or obviously. I'm so bored with people trying so hard to be someone that they forget to be interesting.

Monday, July 17, 2006

What does come after Earth?

Hello, is this Mars from
How are you today?

Hello, this is Mars from, you may remember me from such episodes as:
Flag as cape wearing equals 'national pride'
The Mars Medical Journals
The 'things I didn't do today' list
Viva Italia!: The day I won $90 in an office sweep
That time I fell off the chair
American vs UK version of The Office
The on-going search for my first husband

Incidentally, I am fine today!

Thanks for your intervieweeness, are you aware that you are the entire Internet's newest favouritest blogchick?

The ENTIRE internet? Yikes! Nooo... I'm just a blog-stalker come good...

Now, it seems to your newer readers that young Dot just isn't pulling her own weight post-wise? Do you think she started travelling around Australia just to get out of writing? Pffft, like the desert doesn't have broadband.

Well, that is an interesting theory. One that hadn't occurred to me, actually. Dot has been a bit slack, but she's home now, so I'm sure things will pick up for her. Before she left, she was having some computer malfunctions (where the machine, quite seriously, blew up), which was possibly some-what of a hindrance for her. I have the utmost faith that you will be hearing plenty from Dot in the not too distant future. (Which will be a great for everyone involved really, as it might encourage me to shut the hell up/develop an insecurity about my blog-post "quality")

When are you getting married to an American/Somoan? Will we, the Internet get an invite to the celebration?

No plans (as yet) to get married to an American/Samoan/American Samoan.

ALTHOUGH, I don't rule this out as an option (not that I'm telling anyone else that). I am almost certainly leaving for America in approximately 42 days, plans for the Samoan adventure are somewhat less than almost certain as they, in fact, do not exist at all (as yet).
HOWEVER, in this modern era of continent hopping, I don't suppose it's essential at all to travel to Samoa to find a potential Samoan husband.

So stay tuned.

The Internet can come to my wedding, if it wants. Given the current situation, I am far more likely to spontaneously combust than to get married in this life-time though, so the internet shouldn't hold its breath, as the whole situation is, sadly, moot.

Do you instead have your heart set on a heavy balding man you meet at the pub?

I absolutely do not.

As far as I can tell/scroll you never did state clearly whether you decided to be gay or not, and then there was no follow up story of you pashing a chick anyway just to make your blog interesting. Did you forget to post about that?

I did forget to post about my lesbian romp, actually. It was a glorious romp, with titties and sensible shoes a-boom-boom. However, after my extensive experimentation, the curiosity I once held is now safely out of my system. I was really an each way bet there for a while... but
then John Howard told me I was WRONG to make out with other ladies. I thought to myself..."Ohh...Wrong." So I stopped, and have since decided that the hetro way of life is the one for me. Have now dedicated my (miserable) existence to finding my first husband.

Will there be trouble if you like your as yet unspecified 3rd housemate better than Dot? Unrelated, if an offer arose, would you sell Dot for $250 to a nice family in the suburbs?

I'm sure there will be trouble if our little Emo turns out to be more agreeable than Dot. There may be a mutiny in the house and WHO KNOWS what might happen.

I haven't ever mentioned this before, but I actually bought Dot, years ago, from a nice family in the suburbs for $200. The price was steep, but I thought she was worth it (at the time). After all the effort I've put in to training her over the years, the asking price would have to be pretty generous for me to consider trading her in.

This is the first blog where I've seen a four year gap between postings. How did you ever remember the password?

The four year gap in posting is the bain of my (blogger) existence. The day Dot realised that those date buttons were there (after a bottle of Safeway's cheapest red) was the WORST DAY OF MY LIFE. But you know, a deal is a deal, and when we started this blog, we said to one another that we wouldn't edit each others posts. So what can I do?

Was your blog merely designed to be just another playground for Steph and Jobe to match wits and hilariously crude banter or do you have designs of your own? Is it true that your plan to concrete all of blogland is going well?

Steph and Jobe don’t hang around much... and if they did, well I suppose I’d shoo them off with a broom or something. The concreting is going fine... I guess..?

Have you hunted down your hairdresser? Was that mystery ever solved?

Alas, I haven’t found a new hairdresser. There wasn’t really a mystery (was there?)... my girl went off to England and left me behind. Haven’t needed to go back to the hairdresser since last time, so not feeling the full extent of the situation just yet.

What's your story, are you a chocolate or a planet?

A bit of both, I suppose. Some days I'm smooth and creamy (though rarely rich..), and others I'm ready to explode from the inside. Some may even say, implode.

Thanks for your time, Mars, you were very excellent/okayish.

No problem Ads-man! Okayish is a way of life for me, so I’ll take it..
BTW, please feel free to edit this interview to make me look better, smarter, more attractive etc.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Interviewing the Bloggolympics Champion immediately after his dramatic victory!!

Well, who didn't take advantage the second Bevis lifted his blog hiatus?

1.) This is a question that has been asked many times on your own blog, but you've skirted around it each and every time. We need to know. Do you, or do you not have recurring nightmares about David Bowie in leggings?

I don’t know how many times I have to avoid this question. Don’t you people understand when someone is unable to discuss a topic for personal reasons?? Yes, I have frequent nightmares about David Bowie in leggings. In fact, on some occasions Bowie is joined by Sting, Eric Clapton and Kris Kross, who are all dressed up in fishnets and lederhosen (Kris Kross are, of course, wearing them backwards), and they all chase me around a large labyrinth. If anyone can interpret these dreams for me, I’d be most grateful.

2.) How is it, in all this time, I've never interviewed you before. Who is to blame for this and many other atrocities?

I think it’s the government’s fault. I have personally sent over 60 letters to my local member of Parliament complaining about the fact that you’ve never interviewed me before this, and frankly I thought that he’d finally done something about it and given you a call or something; but now I realise that the lazy bum had nothing to do with you finally contacting me. I’m going to write him another letter – and it will be quite stern indeed! As for the ‘many other atrocities’, you’d have to look slightly higher for who’s to blame for those. I recommend perhaps the Shadow Treasurer (because I don’t want anyone lurking about in shadows if they’re in charge of the money – that’s just asking for trouble, if you ask me).

Hmm, maybe you’ve never interviewed me before because I give such crap answers.

3.) Is it possible, that out of all the Muppets questions that you answered, that you got one wrong?

Why? Is there something you want to say? I guess it’s always possible. I’m learning new Muppet stuff all the time (thanks to Muppet Wikipedia and other sites out there), and I’m certainly not going to argue the point if someone brings evidence to light that contradicts something I’ve said. However, putting that aside for the moment, I am certainly quite knowledgeable on all things ‘Muppet’, and therefore am quite a handy little one-stop-shop if you have a Muppet question. Or you could try Muppet Wikipedia, if you really wanted to. But then I’d be out of a blog, so please don’t.

4.) If television was never invented, would your blog be about the dreamtime instead?

If television was never invented, I rather think it stands to reason that computers (and therefore blogs) would not exist either. They’re kind of peas from the same pod, don’t you think? But in the spirit of answering your question, my blog would either be about the Dreamtime or those little satchels of smelly stuff in the bottom of shoeboxes that taste so yummy.

5.) Can you please finish this sentence? The reason I, Bevis, am such a good commenter is _______________________

… because Adam writes such hilarious stuff that when I read his blog I find myself completely ‘in the zone’, so whatever I add as a comment seems to brighten his day. Also, it’s the crystal meth.

(Am I really ‘such a good commenter’? I think you’re just being polite/patronising/sexy.)

6.) Is it true that you require Jobe/schoolkids to proofread all your blog entries?

Sometimes both. Jobe, being a busy lad, is often too preoccupied with hotbabes (and Steph), so he finds it increasingly difficult to make time to proofread my work. Because of this, I had to hire a small Mexican child called Sanchez to do all my proofreading for me. (Sanchez is not his real name, but it’s the name I said I’d call him because it’s easier to remember and I like saying it.) I had Sanchez shipped over here on the pretense of earning an Australian visa for his whole family, but in truth I have no intention of letting him out of my basement – despite what I keep promising him every time he asks. (“It’s coming, little Sanchez; I’m sure it’ll be here in tomorrow’s mail. Now proofread this, ya little mongrel. No, that’s a compliment in Australia.”)

7.) Is it true, young Bevis, that the name 'Miss Piggy' is actually not the lead running girls name for your unborn child?

It shames me to say that the name ‘Miss Piggy’ is only the third baby name on the list, right behind Janice and Robyn (the female variant of Kermit’s nephew, Robin, who appears as my avatar/bio pic). Other names being considered include Muffy (not a frontrunner for obvious reasons), Ethel, Foo-Foo and Camilla (named after Gonzo’s chicken girlfriend, not the turkey-slappee from Australian Big Brother 2006). If the kid is a boy, he’s in even more trouble. Current male baby names being considered include Zoot, Scooter, Animal and Rizzo.

8.) Have you noticed that your blog hiatus has actually made the weather colder? What are your coping mechanisms for that kind of responsibility?

I’d like to believe I was not wholly to blame for that one. I rather think the weather was partly your fault. You’ve been AWOL for so long that I felt far too much pressure to keep the blogosphere ‘light and fluffy’ (those were your specific instructions, as I recall), and it all got too much for me. I just needed a ‘time out’. The local milk bar had run out of them, and so began a wacky quest for a chocolate bar that led me from store to store, from supermarket to supermarket, from town to town. I started in Melbourne and ended up in Istanbul, where I finally located the desired chocolate, only to remember that I don’t really like them. So it was a complete waste of time, really. And I blame you. At least I was trying to stay in contact. Where have you been? Your mother and I have been worried sick. (Tell her ‘hi’, by the way. She’s a lovely woman, and I hope the rash clears up soon.)

9.) Which actor will play the part of Bevis in the musical I Blogged Myself On Ice?

This is a tough one. In order to give you the most accurate answer possible, I took an extensive survey of all the actors in all the world, ever. And the results are in. I’ll go through each of them, one at a time (research shows that there’s only eight actors in total, which was a little surprising, but undeniably true). Mel Gibson’s too old/attractive. Hugh Grant’s too pompous/disgusting/pervy/attractive. Travis Cotton’s too edgy/intelligent/attractive. Alex Papps is too well-respected/approachable/mulletty/attractive. Hugo Weaving’s too gifted/ugly/attractive. John Belushi’s too dead. Michael Caine’s too wrinkly/English/unattractive. So that only leaves Kevin Kline, although he’s a little too attractive. A couple of ice-skating accidents during rehearsal ought to fix that right up, though. (Note to the producers: He’ll have to shave off his moustache.)

10.) If Australian Vampire Slayer stepped up as a brash new reality Tv show, would you join the queue with your sleeping bag and mittens at 3am to enter?

WOW! Where do I sign up? I’ll be perfect for the vampire with a heart of gold who can’t be trusted but oh, he can! Or maybe the dork who looks nothing like a dork but gets all the laughs in the early seasons until they come up with an even-more-loved character who’ll steal every scene he’s in and leave the dork forgotten in the background. Or the bad guy who could easily (and should) get killed a hundred different ways at a hundred different perfect opportunities, but is on contract as a lead character, so they have to find a different and none-too-convincing reason to spare him every time. So the answer is yes. And I’d have Wifey deliver me fresh boxes of Krispy Kreme doughnuts to see me through the night.

Is there anything better than a Jobe?

I do love a good interviewing post....

1.) Young man, I've noticed you haven't been updating your blog 17/32 times a night, are you busy learning how to be a doctor or have you just gotten bored with it?

I've noticed that you're pretty shit at interviewing. Don't you know that the first question should ease me into it? But, no, one question in and you're attacking me.

To answer your question, I'm pretty busy being at work most of the day and doing other nightly activities some nights. Doesn't leave a lot of free time. But I still like to make sure I make at least 5 posts a day, which has always been the quota.

2.) Can you rate your regular commenters in order of favouriteness? Can you tell us what that order is?

Yes I can do that for you. (If anyone saw 60 Minutes last weekend they may know how to pronounce this correctly).

1. Hotbabes
2. Dreamboat Dudes
3. Don't pay attention to the others

3.) Do you have hair?

Yea. Hey. Raises an interesting question actually. Lately I've been getting hair in strange places (crotch, dark alley, etc) and I don't know where it's coming from (hair fairy?).

4.) What do you think the funniest thing you've ever written was?

Episode 3 of 'Let Loose Live'.

It's a shame no one got to see it.

5.) Was it "Extreme Monopoly killed my parents?"

I dunno. Probably. I don't give a fuck about your parents to be honest.

6.) Do you intend to post any pictures of yourself with the genitalia censored out?

Not really. But I suppose if any hotbabes want to be violated they can come round and I'll post uncensored pics of them being prodded with my pants blog.

7.) Why did you turn down Stephen Kings offer to turn your autobiography into a bestselling suspense novel?

He doesn't have the magic anymore, does he? I used to think he was great but lately he's just rehashing the same stuff.

I also think it's a bit stupid to turn a book into another book.

8.) Can you speak any other languages?

I can speak yours. Does that count?

9.) Have you improved your question answering skills since I last interviewed you many, many, many years ago?

Well, yea, sort of. But your questions have really, really, really gone downhill so it sort of evens it out (LOL Even Stevens).

10.) I miss the days when you were married to a porcelin kitten - do too many of your readers live in the past/their own filth?

We weren't married. Relax. Do you think anyone in that backwards country will marry a dude and a porcelain kitten? No I do not think they would.

I think too many readers live in a place where they think they can live without me next to them when they read my blog. They can, because they believe it. And that's the important thing, Adam. That's the important thing…

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Today I did some things!!

and now I have to go to bed.

boobs and bums

You know,

I'm just not attracted to attractiveness anymore.

Earlier in my life I hardly ever saw anyone's body, I'd really only look at people's eyes. It never even occurred to me to get all excited by a young lady's cleavage. I wasn't shy or nervous, I just never really thought about it.

When I was 20 or so, I started having lunch with some dudes in the city, who full on talked about not much else. Any girl walking past with a bit of boobage, or long legs was pointed out, phwoarred and rated. It seemed a bit base to me, but the lads were way excited about their hobby and their bonding enthusiasm was catching.

After a while I started to appreciate the bits that got the boys a bit heated and eventually I'd be looking a girl up and down, I hardly looked girls in the eye, I was too busy.

Some years later, I didn't like that part of my character, I didn't see it degrading to women as such, I saw it far more as a weakness on my part. That flash of excitement when you get a glimpse does nothing for your talking + hilarity skills. It doesn't do much for balance.

As far as girls have told me, they totally don't like feeling like a dude has copped a look, it's hard for girls not to feel like they should be on the defence all the time. Some of my friends from the office listed all the office dudes with wandering eyes, I was totally surprised who featured.

Girls on the most part are attracted to dudes who have a bit of control. Control of themselves, their emotions, control of a situation, etc. Not distant or overbearing, maybe more the capability to control.

Travelling through the dancing section of my life it was easy to bust through the sneaky peaky bit of me. There were boobs and legs and bums and all skin bits around all the time, you kinda OD on it after a while.

Doing the whole photography thing has made me appreciate someone's funness levels far more than their appearance. If you're after an awesome shot, or a sexy shot or whatever, a subject that is totally cheeky will produce something so much better than a perfect looking boring person.

I'm not quite back to where I was but a persons eyes and their funness is far, far more attractive to me than their boobs/legs/elbows.

Now I just need to enlighten the chicks around me to stop them being such pervs. Freakin' shockers!

Thursday, July 06, 2006


Now, I don't want to be all crotchety in ya grill, but I have a complaint to raise with y'all.

Dear People of the World,

While there is nothing as quite endearing as a good hearty laugh, I'm getting quite over so many people's use of the fill in laugh. Tall people, short people, big people and small people - but not all people- find it necessary to release a small titter or even a chuckle before or after they say something.

I first come to the realisation of this phenomenon when I was hanging out with a young lady that would actually laugh after every single thing she said (unless she was telling off her kid). It totally started to grate, I can't hang out with her anymore. This lady would full on cack herself after commenting "I just came back from the shops". Cack herself, after everything she said. There is just no reason for that kind of behaviour.

I've noticed it more and more and now the office admin chick at work does it - laughs after everything she says.

It's not jolly, it's nervous or a filler or something.

To all offenders: Stop it. Stop it now.

Have a nice day.
Kind regards,

Saturday, July 01, 2006

brisbane with the drinking

I got totally sucked into attending Friday night drinks with some incredibly boring people last night and at one point I just completely OD'd and bid the dulldrum people farewell. As I was leaving for the door, I was checking an sms that I got (that's right, walking and checking my phone - I'm a technological multitasking genius) some chick says to her friend 'Whoa! There's a hot guy' and when I look at her she's all like pointing at me saying "hot guy, hot guy". I just nodded and kept going, and got lost in the city, and found my way and kept going.

As I was nearing the place of residence/sleeping, I got way totally angry. Who was she to be getting all sarcastic as I'm walking past? What was her damage? I starting thinking of way confrontational cutting remarks I could have sent her way. When I got home, I chucked on the lights and passed the big mirror only to find I actually was looking way hot. Working in IT, surrounded by the dudes, you can actually totally forget that you're ridiculously good looking.

I'm finding in my socialness in Brisbane that the peeps here are heaps more friendly, but it also seems like you're heaps more likely to get in a fight too. Not that I've ever actually been in a fight, but I'm totally hanging for a massive bar room brawl, I want to be the guy that grabs some cowboys head and plays the piano with it, and then swings from the curtains and stuff.

Bourbonbird called me a 'statewhore'. I object.