Tuesday, August 29, 2006

The things we do for our friends...

One of our closest friends is in France at the moment, so since we have a backyard she asked us to look after her dog. Well, it's not an actual real dog, more a crazy boggle eyed robot dog. I renamed him a while ago, why would you call this little guy Jonesie? Anywho, this picture gets the award for most amount of eyeball.

This is so the ladies don't get so scared.

Friday, August 25, 2006


Whoa! What are hardcore week of hardcoreness! By 'week' I clearly mean 'day'. First I find out that my good buddy Pluto is no longer a planet - damn you dude, I trusted you man! -little heart breaking- Then I find that I've been not reevaluated on the scale but called all sorts of names here -bits of heart falling away- then I rock on back to my own blog to find entertaining but strange talking squatters -heart totally unaffected-.

Well, travellers. Whatever.
Given that my title is Not Going Nowhere, I'm not sure how travellers fit into the scheme of things IS THIS THE END OF THEIR TRAVELS? But then, since my reevaluation and Nails public outting of my misinformative title... I. Guess. They. Fit. Fine.

So, being quite the emotional/unemotional fellow, I haven't quite decide how I feel about these dudes. They do seem to have excellently and contagiously overactive imaginations, kinda reminds me of playing with M.A.S.K toys at school WHY CAN'T A MOTORBIKE TURN INTO A HELICOPTER and it is always a bit exciting to have blog guests.

So, um, Welcome Dudes of Good Imaginations! Let me show you around.
Up there, that's where I put the title. Pretty tricky hey!
Um, in that top right hand corner is my profile, I still haven't added a picture yet, it's a work in progress, this is still a very young blog.

To the right, over there are some archives, I keep all my old posts there, sometimes I like to take a trip down memory lane and re-read the days when I was 12% more hilarious.

I haven't quite got around to putting some links up. I tend to borrow Bevis' links, I realised the other day that if he has a statcounter or something, it probably looks like he has 1000,000,000 million visitors per day, but it's actually just me whiling the hours of my cushy government contract.

So, who are these dudes?

There seems to be one guy with a way cool but excessively long name, let's call him Russ. He seems to be the boss of the others and by far the most attractive, maybe, more accurately old fashionly handsome; like the Highlander or David Brent.

Then there seems to be Hooch (warning: dude may be a chick). Hooch seems to like good old fashioned foxy boxing and also towels. Hooch seems like a good dude/chick.

I think there are others, no one is really too sure, I haven't found a verbose translator yet so I haven't been entirely accurately understanding of all their sentences.

I think Nails is following them around to see what entertainment she can derive from suggesting they come visit. Well, young Nails, the answer is:




Oh yeah, I've got some questions to answer from young Hooch there (as in Hoochymomma? - that would explain the bikini reference):

Blogging spark: Well, I'm glad you asked, I rarely get interviewed by anyone but myself and altough I do a way massively groovy and totally awesome job of it, I can usually predict the questions I ask myself. Anywho (who called who Verbose?) my spark comes from having spare time at work. It makes me think... Blogging gives me an opportunity to give and get attention while chillin' in my 70s brown cubicle. Also, I do like the blogging, people are heaps more honest and funness.

Um, Suggetios(tm)?
I don't get the reference so I went on internet resource Dictionary.com. It explains this word as:

"No entries were found in the dictionary. Would you like to search the Web for Suggetios?"

A web search found every single person that typed way too fast when asking for comments for their website.

Therefore, I would like to answer this question in a single word: Whoa!

Thirdly, where should you bunker next? But, but, you just got here. Okay bye.
Anywho, I've put a lot of thought into who would appreciate/understand/entertain you. Then I gave up, followed Nails' lead and would like to suggest Jobe purely for my own entertainment. It's really hard to say whether he'd really like to play.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Holy Crap! I found him!

Hola! I've just this second sat down at my computer and downloaded a photo (nb: not a photo of a dude and chicks "having relations", a photo from my cameraphonewatch) only to find that I've purposely stumbled on the most world's famous journalist (in hiding).


True, I meant the other journalist.


Um, no.
I meant IOYC.

Many people have been searching dope vs prozac high and low for this guy but most contained their searches only to the internet and/or personal hullicinations.


Yes, please drink this 600ml carton of Choc Berry Big M.

I've been asked day and night, mostly Wednesday nights 12am -2am to find him:

'Where is he? I love him more than my own Childs (untrained).' - Jess Ausculture.
'I thought I saw him, but it was only Prince Harry/a Rialto' - the other one.

It sounded like A Big Job, luckily I was ready for A Big Job, just finished transcontinental bridge to the Americas + Canadas, LOL, forgot interspersed petrol stations/toilets.

Anywho, I was walking to work in Brisbane thinking 'Whoa, I have not wept for many years --> Holy Crap, look over there --->'


He left journalism to make the world a better place/CTRL+C, CTRL+V minions.


What's doing my head in this week?

Every relationship produces baggage, it's a direct result of someone having an impact on you. The main baggage that I have with the chick is that the times that she gets way drunk she becomes a massive superflirt to pretty much all the boys but me. If we go to a way cool party we pretty much part ways the whole time and then I get back this mess of a girl at the very end. The next day she doesn't remember many bits. It doesn't happen real often, maybe 3 times total this year.

The last time was actually at the first big party in Melbourne I missed, a month or two ago. She collected a number of e-mail addresses for her band mailout, one of which, was a friend of a friends new boyfriend, who she decided and told repeatedly she would like to be friends with. She thought he was cool.

She sent him an e-mail a few days later and I don't know if replied or not. On Sunday, she was driving me to the airport after Louise's birthday lunch and found she had a message on her phone. 'Cara, want to meet me for coffee in St Kilda at 1700?'

She didn't recognise the number when I was with her. After she dropped me off, phoned it. The phone was off and the voicemail belonged to that dude. She sent him a text and I'm not sure where it ended up.

It's been on my mind a bit... mostly because even if this dude knows about me, Cara was probably being supercuddly when she was drunk and he may have thought he had options.

I personally reckon:

Waiting a month or two + leaving a fairly direct sms without name + having phone off = male strat for lurve.

All these things to me, leaves the young female feeling the young male has almost no time for her and thus makes him more appealing.

Which is fine, whatever, if/when she has coffee with him she can set him straight. Then he can be friends or not.

I guess the thing that I'm worried about is that this kinda proves that;

a) I'm way stupidly jealous


b) She does give the impression that she's available or open to suggestions when she's drunk.

After all, in this age of infidelity, 'I have a boyfriend' isn't quite the shut down it used to be. I totally trust Cara has never done anything she's ashamed of during our relationship, I just don't think she could look me in the eye if she did.

What I do reckon, is that she's going to get into trouble one day. Until now, on the few times she's been that drunk, I've been around and all protectory or she's been with close friends. With upcoming band tours, album launches and all sorts of rockstar superfun ahead, I reckon there's potential for her to get herself into trouble.

So what do I do? Do I just trust and believe in her because she's a big girl now? Do I word her up and warn her? DO I say something or not?

Wednesday Weekend Wrapup

I kinda forget that I should tell stories about my life in this blog thing.

Then I read someone like Sarah or DelightfulJen and think 'whoa, I wish I had a blog so I can write way amusing stories of my life', then today I was thinking 'only people with access to internet all the time like me could have a way cool blog' and just now I was thinking 'guys like me?' , 'whoa! I'm a guy like me.' (Thoughts provided were not real thoughts)

Here I am.
Seems nice.

Anywho, what to talk about, what to say...
Um, this weekend I did some stuff....

Actually, I did freakin' heaps of stuff, flew down to the Melbs for the weekend and totally got roped into being a phone volunteer for Triple R community radio station for like, 12 hours. It was their radiothon (where people pledge money rather than have it run ads) and I got to talk to a trillion if not a million people. On the Friday night it was all homies in nightclubs callin' - between the 'peace bra, aha aha' and the doof doof on the phones and a different but similar doof doof inside the studio/phone room I may not have gotten everyone's address exact. Sorry radio station, if you get evicted you can stay at my place (in Melbourne).

All day Saturday we phone volunteered again, except we could hear, and the people was way nice, and I got interviewed on the radio and my photo was taken and I might be famouser soon. Sorry to all those people who accidentally were misquoted. Sometimes I heard 'postal address is in Northcote' but my hand wrote '...wants to say on air that Adam rocks' or 'Cara is a hoe'.

Saturday night Cara had to rehearse with her band which was a bummer because I had a friend down from Sydney who was expecting all sorts of excellent entertainment. He hasn't met any of my friends so I organised the funness. Unfortunately, because it was a cold and/or dreary night the funness couldn't make it. All pulled out but one. My friend Mich and I have a way too close friendship, to the point where the Sydneyers totally thought she was my girlfriend and I had been making up this Cara the whole time. It was a nuffer night, Mich wasn't really interested in hangin' with ma homies, I was hilarious, they were hilarious, they didn't believe a word I said and we (read: I) may have accused the mother/daughter team running a popular nightspot of coming up with such a story to hide the fact they are secret lovers. I also would like to apologise for calling my friend's brand new girlfriend the following names at various points throughout the night: cradle snatcher, whore, hoey hoebag, sugamama, deadbeat, grifter, sluttybags and lawyer. I'm also sorry that your secretary heard all our drunken messages on your work phone on Monday morning, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN ME YOUR BUSINESS CARD TO PROVE YOU ARE A LAWYER.

Sunday was the whole reason I flew down to Melbs, my friend's 30th birthday. I'm sorry Louise, our friendship cannot continue. No one over the age of 30 should be trusted and should probably be boiled down and have their nutrients extracted and provided free to rest of humanity. P.S) see you in three weeks for your wedding. P.P.S) Sorry, our friendship can't continue. Married people can't be trusted....

Then, I came back to Brisbane. During the weekend a google of people asked me how Brisbane was, I may have been too cheerful and sunshine happy in my description. I might not be welcome in Melbourne.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Delightful Jen did very bad....

... in the people she chose to tag... some of them take freakin' forever to get round to it (although I blame Telstra and their inability to make jumping on the internet easy).

5 weird things about me.

1.) Every day in the last week I've been waking up and getting up to check how the sunrise is going. The best sunlight this morning was between 6:21am and 6:27am.

2.) I went swimming in the apartment block's pool on Sunday despite many warnings from both managers. The cold completely shocked my body and knocked the breath out of me. I didn't enjoy it at all but kept swimming for half an hour to prove the point that I am dim.

3.) I don't care for food, like, I simply don't care. I approach expensive delicious meals with the same enthusiasm as a bowl of brussel sprouts. Meals are a chore, I hate feeling hungry and it's hard to be enthusiastic about a meal when I'm just going to be way stupid delirious with lack of food in 20 minutes anyway. I have a lot of protein shakes just to fill the gaps between 6 meals.

4.) I actually feel 34% less invincible, have a 41% less excellent memory and 27% less hilarious but 12% more attractive than I did 5 years ago.

5.) When my phone rings my first impluse is to not answer it.

For my brisbane photographer friends

Sorry the link didn't work....

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Telstra refuses to acknowledge me as a person

I've been waiting to get internet in my new apartment before I posted up a storm, and having finally organised to get a wireless modem and connectioning, Telstra has sent the new modem to me. Pretty non-shabby, except they've put Cara's name on it (we wanted to attach the deal to our current home phone bill) and I can't pick it up because I have no photo ID of being her. Stupids. Now she has to organise to have it redirected to Melbourne so that she can pick it up and post it to me here.

Anyhoo, I wanted to post some pictures I took from my balcony in Brisb.

Friday, August 04, 2006


At work we had to take a training module on Ethics and I saved all the answers to the followup quiz. Would it be wrong to give these answers to my colleagues?