What's doing my head in this week?
Every relationship produces baggage, it's a direct result of someone having an impact on you. The main baggage that I have with the chick is that the times that she gets way drunk she becomes a massive superflirt to pretty much all the boys but me. If we go to a way cool party we pretty much part ways the whole time and then I get back this mess of a girl at the very end. The next day she doesn't remember many bits. It doesn't happen real often, maybe 3 times total this year.
The last time was actually at the first big party in Melbourne I missed, a month or two ago. She collected a number of e-mail addresses for her band mailout, one of which, was a friend of a friends new boyfriend, who she decided and told repeatedly she would like to be friends with. She thought he was cool.
She sent him an e-mail a few days later and I don't know if replied or not. On Sunday, she was driving me to the airport after Louise's birthday lunch and found she had a message on her phone. 'Cara, want to meet me for coffee in St Kilda at 1700?'
She didn't recognise the number when I was with her. After she dropped me off, phoned it. The phone was off and the voicemail belonged to that dude. She sent him a text and I'm not sure where it ended up.
It's been on my mind a bit... mostly because even if this dude knows about me, Cara was probably being supercuddly when she was drunk and he may have thought he had options.
I personally reckon:
Waiting a month or two + leaving a fairly direct sms without name + having phone off = male strat for lurve.
All these things to me, leaves the young female feeling the young male has almost no time for her and thus makes him more appealing.
Which is fine, whatever, if/when she has coffee with him she can set him straight. Then he can be friends or not.
I guess the thing that I'm worried about is that this kinda proves that;
a) I'm way stupidly jealous
or/and
b) She does give the impression that she's available or open to suggestions when she's drunk.
After all, in this age of infidelity, 'I have a boyfriend' isn't quite the shut down it used to be. I totally trust Cara has never done anything she's ashamed of during our relationship, I just don't think she could look me in the eye if she did.
What I do reckon, is that she's going to get into trouble one day. Until now, on the few times she's been that drunk, I've been around and all protectory or she's been with close friends. With upcoming band tours, album launches and all sorts of rockstar superfun ahead, I reckon there's potential for her to get herself into trouble.
So what do I do? Do I just trust and believe in her because she's a big girl now? Do I word her up and warn her? DO I say something or not?
posted by Adam @ 6:47 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
This really bugs you, doesn't it?
Not that I can't see your point though.
Still, I don't think there's any good way of approaching this. In fact, I don't think there's a way it can be done without you coming across as an arsehole..unless, of course, she likes you jealous..? Nah...
I really don't think you can say anything. Just tell her to be careful and buy her a guardian dragon (this is something my nephew is very keen on) to protect her from the monsters. I'm thinking you'll need a fairly large one on a chain...
Oh man. I totally can see where you are in need of advice. This is a hard one. But I agree with everything you said.
I for one am concerned about her too for when she's touring and what not. Maybe you trust her, but you can't trust everyone else out there who's in her presence. As her BF though, I think you CAN say something to her. Just tell her that you are concerned for her safty and that it's not HER you don't trust, it's everyone else around her.
Hopefully she will respect that and take it to heart.
Good luck.
I think you can say something, if only to say that you are concerned for her safety, as valerie suggested. As long as you aren't coming across as the "angry, jealous boyfriend," I think you have every right to discuss this with her. Good luck!
Could it be possible she is not aware of how she comes across?
I would have to say something, if I didn't I would drive myself crazy trying to be mad/worried about someone who might not even be completley aware of how they are behaving.
I also think it's normal to be a bit jealous, it's part of being in a relationship. You should be concerned if you weren't jealous.
unless people are utterly paralytic when they're drunk, and have alcoholic black-outs where they have no memory of a large chunk of time (several hours), they usually know what they're doing. they might have less inhibitions, but they know exactly what they're doing.
and unless she's astoundingly naive, she knows the impact of her behaviour on the people she's flirting with, and the result. but perhaps not fully aware of the impact on you.
so if you're not happy about an aspect of her behaviour, I'd talk to her. I think you have every right to feel secure in your relationship. isn't that part of any relationship? or am I just old-fashioned?*
at any rate, the important thing is that you're not critising her, you're concerned about an aspect of her behaviour. if you know what I mean. if someone feels they're under attack, you won't be able to express yourself adequately for them to understand, because they won't listen, they'll be feeling too annoyed or defensive.
* probably!
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