Friday, November 11, 2005

Bloggolympics Grand Final Result!

..... the competitors raise their hands again. The strain is visible, the pressure high, the world watching. A bead of sweat slides down Bevis' forehead. He doesn't notice. His mind is a buzz, he thinks of his first car, his hopes, his dreams, the unmatchable excitement of winning a paper, rock, scissors competition at primary school and then the crushing disappointment to test positive for the performance enhancing Coca Cola, fairybread and peanut butter combo. His mind races for an eternity, when he suddently snaps and thinks only clarity. He's ready.

Meghan goes through her own world, her life, her losses and achievements. She remembers the first time a grown up took her aside and told her she had potential to be a rock, scissors, paper champion of the world. She remembers training night after night, day after day, dealing with the doubts, ignoring the people that said she couldn't make it, knowing in her heart of hearts that she would represent her country in her chosen sport. Her mind also races, then she looks at Bevis. She smiles. Everything is in that smile. Bevis smiles back. They both know that whatever happens in the next couple of seconds, they will be friends - locked together forever by this experience. She is ready.

One.




Two.




Every single thing in the whole world stops.



"Bevis has....... rock"
"Meghan has....... scissors"

Bevis and Meghan look at each other, they both laugh.

"Bevis is the Bloggolympics Champion of the World!"
The world erupts!! Everyone lost in the moment hugs their friends, their family, strangers, enemies, everyone. People yell, parties start the world over.

The Judge brings Meghan and Bevis to the podium, they can hardly be seen, people are jumping all over the place. The cameras are jostled aplently. People are too joyous to notice.

"Speech...... speech" are the only words that can be heard the world over.

39 Comments:

At 7:06 PM, Blogger Ben said...

I think I should technically be the winner since I drew with Bevis so much.

Backyard rules.

 
At 8:49 PM, Blogger Adam said...

Oh. Okay.
I'll use that next time.


Wait a sec, I've never heard that rule before, did you just make it up?

 
At 9:51 PM, Blogger BEVIS said...

Hey-hey!! Yeah!

Speech? 'Speech', you say?

Well, first I'd like to thank you, Adam. Without you, this could never have happened. The humour with which you brought us these Games was phenomenal. You had to put up with endless draws and grumpy, impatient athletes demanding to know the cause of the delays. And yet you managed to stay chipper. (This may have had something to do with your apparent glee at handling the drug testing yourself.) Either way, you're my Rock.

To my competitors, I must acknowledge your zany antics and weirdness. Jobe, you and I went through some amazing times together. I'll never forget it and I couldn't have done it without you (literally, I guess). DrowningInJello, to be honest it was easy as pie to beat you, but thanks for (eventually) turning up. And Meghan, what can I say that hasn't been said already? Perhaps that your head is like a misshapen pear. I'm sure that hasn't been said. Collectively, you guys are my Paper.

And to my darling Wifey, whose support throughout this whole ordeal has been paramount to me being in tip-top shape so I could get this far. You're my Scissors, honey.

Everyone else; my trainers, my hand massuese, my assistants, my entourage, my social secretary, my caterer, my booking agent, my cats, my mother, and God: I owe you all bigtime. (But as this isn't a paid gig, I'm can't reimburse you. Tell you what, I'll "Rock, Paper, Scissors" you for it.)

And finally, to the fans who got behind me, to both the Aussie and Yank spectators who came all the way over here to Adam's blog so they could watch the proceedings, and to each and every one of my fellow athletes, I just wanna say:

"Bring on Event # 2!"

*raptuous applause*

 
At 11:15 PM, Blogger Ben said...

ADAM!

He just confessed that his wife helped him win the competition.

CHEAT!

*{{TITLE STRIPPING}}*

 
At 11:19 PM, Blogger BEVIS said...

No, I said she was my Scissors. She told me to cut the crap whenever I got carried away - unlike my above comment. :)

There was no stripping involved.

 
At 11:23 PM, Blogger BEVIS said...

... dammit!

 
At 11:37 PM, Blogger Steph said...

Well done Bevis. All that hand action has finally paid off for ya! Hahaha!

 
At 10:02 AM, Blogger Adam said...

You guys are gold. Gold I tells ya. Gold!

 
At 2:17 AM, Blogger Chairborne Stranger said...

Hilarious. Quite funny sport there in Australia.

 
At 3:13 AM, Blogger JM said...

Hilarious! Makes blogging an even more addictive pasttime.

 
At 10:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

now that we have crowned a champion--congratulations, by the way--what is the second event?

 
At 4:28 AM, Blogger meghansdiscontent said...

So sorry about my delay of response . . . things have been quite hectic and horrid here in the grand state of Arkansas. I PROMISE to give this due time and attentiong as soon as I can.

Congrats Bevis! A more fierce competitor I could not have imagined. Your championship was rightly deserved. I knew I could not go on beating the Australians. You're a hearty lot.

 
At 9:04 AM, Blogger scaryasakitten said...

Something to aspire to (from thisistrue.com Nov 6 issue))

PAGING ANDY WARHOL: Canuck Lawyer Andrew Bergel, 29, beat out 500 contestants from as far away as Australia to win the World Rock Paper Scissors Championship, which was held in Toronto, Ont., Canada. "It's going to change his life," said Tournament director Graham Walker. "He is going to be a serious C-level celebrity." (Canadian Press)

 
At 4:07 PM, Blogger BEVIS said...

But I bet it's nothing like as important as the Bloggolympics Adam hosted ...

 
At 5:24 PM, Blogger scaryasakitten said...

Bevis, that was never at question, in fact, unlike this so called world championship, the Bloggolympics must surely guarantee the winner instant fame and glory*.

*wow, dear me, that does read far more sarcasticly that it is meant to, please read in dulcet tones.

 
At 5:49 PM, Blogger sublime-ation said...

Congratulations Bevis. Kermit would be proud.

 
At 7:16 AM, Blogger meghansdiscontent said...

Bevis is so amazing.
I'm completely blinded by his brightness.
His Rock, Paper, Scissors championship would earn him a proposal if I didn't already know he was delirously happily married.
Isn't it always the way.
Sigh.

 
At 9:11 AM, Blogger BEVIS said...

Oh, stop it now - enough! You're making me blush.

Time to move on, I think, Adam.

 
At 7:49 AM, Blogger meghansdiscontent said...

Where, Oh Where, has our Adam gone? Oh Where, Oh Where, could he be? With his ears . . .

Oh wait, I don't know if the rest of that song applies . . and I don't know that I'm witty enough to replace the words . . let's see:

With his writing so witty and his absences so long . . .Oh Where oh Where could he be?

 
At 10:04 AM, Blogger BEVIS said...

I think he's still out boozing (ahem - "celebrating") after the Awards Ceremony for Round One of the First Annual Bloggolympics ...

Imagine how he's going to be when we finish the whole thing!!

PS - Nice lyrics. :)

 
At 7:40 AM, Blogger meghansdiscontent said...

Perhaps our BlogOlympicdom has exhausted poor Adam beyond measure. Mayhap, our champion, someone else should host the second round. Poor Adam seems to have needed a sabbatical to recover.

Thanks about the lyrics! :)

 
At 1:44 PM, Blogger Steph said...

Adam, where the fuck are ya?? Have you been kidnapped my aliens and are getting probed as we speak????

 
At 4:55 PM, Blogger BEVIS said...

Yes he has, and yes he is.

And he loves it.

 
At 2:11 AM, Blogger meghansdiscontent said...

Will anyone else feel sorry for the aliens if one of them is accidentally impregnated by Adam?

Those poor aliens.

Love ya, Adam!

 
At 5:44 PM, Blogger Ben said...

I stole him.

 
At 9:42 PM, Blogger Ben said...

Never!

*stuffs human shaped sack into boot of jeep, speeds off*

 
At 2:58 AM, Blogger meghansdiscontent said...

That's it!
I'm sending out two search parties.
One - intergalactically.
Two - to Jobe's general vicinity.
Anyone found holding Adam will be shot on sight.
That is all.

 
At 5:07 PM, Blogger BEVIS said...

Wanna test my powers of foretelling?

I predict that within six hours, we shall be receiving a new post from Adam - complete with pictures and everything!!

This is just a hunch, though, which I totally came up with purely on my own, so who knows if I'm right or not. *



* I do. And I am.

 
At 5:08 PM, Blogger BEVIS said...

PS - Oh, and in Australia it's currently 5:08pm, Monday, 21st November as I write this ... so let's see what happens by 11:08pm tonight, eh?

 
At 5:17 PM, Blogger meghansdiscontent said...

Oh, Bevis, you ARE omnipotent. . .
Oh wait, or you got an email from Adam, like I did, or spoke with him directly.

Cheater, cheater, cheater.

 
At 5:20 PM, Blogger BEVIS said...

Shh! You're 'murkying-up' my crystal ball!

:)

(Anyway, you've been drinking.)

 
At 5:42 PM, Blogger Adam said...

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

What's going on here? What's all this talk about kidnapping, theft, probing, intrigue and drinking? What are you people on?

I'm sorry I haven't posted or commented or anything for a while, you see I was on my way to work zooming along on a very rowr red motorbike while still being considerate to the other road users and the rules when I found myself not on my bike anymore. I found myself not on the street, or the footpath or the suburb or Australia or the planet. I found myself in a sleek shiny place. A large walnut tree in CFM boots shook in my general direction, I translated this to be "dude, wanna judge our intergalatic rock, paper, scissors comp?" I was like, "Sure dude, if you promise to use captial letters in your speech. The walnut tree in CFM boots shook again which I translated to "Sure dude." Anyways, yadda yadda yadda, Bevis wasn't there, our freakin' solar system wasn't represented, I cracked it, blah blah blah, I'm back.

 
At 9:25 PM, Blogger Ben said...

Ever consider that maybe Bevis IS Adam?

HOLY SHIT!

 
At 11:34 PM, Blogger Adam said...

Why does BEvIS get to be Adam? Is it because BEvIS would luuuuurrvvvee to be Adam?

 
At 2:09 AM, Blogger BEVIS said...

Conspiracy theories - I love 'em!

That would certainly explain how I knew Ads was going to post stuff with photos tonight ... and why I crowned myself Bloggolympic Champion of the World ...

I mean why Adam crowned me Bloggolympic Champion of the World.

Naturally.

Of course.

Obviously.

Um ...

 
At 2:35 PM, Blogger meghansdiscontent said...

Maybe we're putting too many words in that sentence.

Maybe Bevis doesn't want to BE Adam.

Maybe Bevis just wants Adam.

 
At 9:46 PM, Blogger BEVIS said...

*discovered!*

Egad!

 
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