Tuesday, October 04, 2005

First Ever Dummy Spit on Internet by Me!

Lady Across the Road, do something about your freakin dog!!!!

We've been living in the Court of Dogs for over a year now. (Um, "court" as in a no-through road, turn around car bit at the end, cul-de-sac thing, not "court" with, like, Dog Judges and Dog Lawyers).

We don't really fit into the Court of Dogs because everyone else has kids and dogs and broken toys all over their yards, but they wave at us and we wave at them and everyone is happy.

Most of the dogs are these small yappy things that bark a lot and wag their tails and occasionally get ridiculous haircuts, but there has been one dog that has been terrorising me on my bike most mornings. I don't remember this happening pre-Sydney so I haven't built up any coping mechanism, but the morning routine is that I start up my bike, this dog shoots out and barks and tries to nip my heals and as I take off it chases the bike and runs in front of me, etc.

Sometimes it's owner is nowhere to be found, sometimes she's in her dressing gown and slippers yelling at her dog. Actually, every time I've seen her day/night she's dressed the same. And she's yelling at this dog. That fully ignores her.

So, this morning another dog runs and barks at me as I walk to my bike. This prompts dressing gown lady to walk out and yell for her dog to come inside. Cool, thanks for that.

Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zero.

I sit there and wait for her to find her dog, and eventually she just stands there with a 'I don't know'/'I am too old' look. So, I start the bike up. No rabid beast of tiny. Cool.

I start to move off and as I pass her place on the corner, her dogs jumps out of the front yard where she was standing and barrels towards my front wheel. I'm learning that dogs have that trick where they like to run straight at you then swerve off at the last second. I'm still new at this so I brake and nearly drop my bike. It circles round going hack and I just leave. Plus Gusto.

What the hell was the old lady doing?!?!?!
Why was she yelling out for a dog that was actually in her own yard?
Why does she even have a dog/vicious little rat that she has no control over?
Why is it free to roam the freakin' streets?!?

I don't hate many things (letmejustthink.... nope nothing really) JUST THIS FREAKING LITTLE DOG!! I don't hate any other dogs, JUST THIS FREAKING LITTLE DOG!

I'd like to apologise in advance if this accidentally boils over into a species war. I don't think we could win against the cute ones..... awwww... look at him press the nuclear missle with his widdle paw = end of humanity.

Sorry about that chief.


At 10:03 PM, Blogger nailpolishblues said...

I congratulate you on the dummy spit. 'bout frickin time. And it was just the cutest little dummy spit too..lol.

How much damage would you do to you if you just ran the yappy fucker over? Or perhaps just captured it one day and gaffer taped its ears together and maybe a couple of its legs...?

At 1:02 PM, Blogger muffin said...

Yes, I can imagine that would be very annoying indeed.

Did my email of yesterday make it through your IT department? If not, COMPLAIN! It was..Important business. Of course.

Stupid yapping dogs. Little dogs arent dogs. They are viscous versions of cats. Dogs are meant to be BIG. Not little. its not right

At 2:39 PM, Blogger Adam said...

You know, I think I have some sort of whacked out medical condition. No matter what the hell I do, or how I do it, "cute" (or a variation thereof) is the first descriptiveness people use. Freakin! I really was going for 'manly' this time!

Hitting the yap with any sort of quadrawheeled automobile is crazy easy, but with a bike there's a pretty good chance of dropping the thing. Dropping it is expensive. Hell, even lying it gently on it's side would damage the plasticy bits (which are the most costly - smart, evil, mega corporations).

I way reckon some sort of shooting-out-from-bike batarang is the way to go.

Young Muffin, I completely agree with the yap = evil cat and big dog = dog. If I ever got boring and grew up, I'd love to get one of those Siberian Huskies. They look like wolves, how cool is that?!?!?

Still being manly.

At 10:53 PM, Blogger Mermaid Girl said...

Yay for dummy spits!!

(Totally well done btw...am impressed)


At 1:32 PM, Blogger muffin said...

Dear boy - I actually would like a WOLF. An actual wolf. To warn of stalkers. Ya dig?

At 5:09 PM, Blogger Adam said...

Have I ever told you peeps, that I have a wolf, an actual wolf tattoo'd on the back of my shoulder. I keep forgetting about that guy.

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