Language Lessons for the Locality Disabled.
Red Cordial (reed corrrdial): Cordial is a drink that you add to water. Kids like it because the taste of water sucks hard. Mums like it because it gets kids to drink water and since you dilute it like 20 parts water, 1 part cordial, the big bottles of the stuff last for a while. Cordial is very sugary and red cordial has lots of sugar so kids get totally hyperactive. Hyperactive kids can destroy or power cities. Never give kids red cordial.
Vegemite (veegemight): This stuff is disgusting, never try it.
Thongs (thongs): Not underwear, these might be known as flip flops. These are the only shoes Australian people wear when they are in Sydney. Melbourne people only bring them out in hot hot hot summer days (of which there are none). Thongs are hard work because you have to toughen your feet or else they blister you up. You also need an exact size fitting or you start walking like you have flippers on. Dude, that is not cool. I wore some for 7 minutes last summer and it took 3 weeks to heal. Never wear them!
Spunk (spunk): This is actually a compliment, you give it to someone who is cool and attractive. It is like saying that person has a lot of pizazz or brass or style. If someone is way spunky they are totally hot. It is a totally rockin' compliment not to be used lightly. In Australia, it does not at all describe seamen. We use other words for that.
We also don't own kangaroos any more than American people own bears, moose or their own houses. There are no such thing as Drop bears or hoop snakes. Wrestling crocodiles or alligators is not a skill attached to our DNA. Only one or two dudes in the whole country can pull that kind of bizarreness off. None of us has even ever drunk a Fosters, they aren't even available here.
posted by Adam @ 12:54 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Adam - good info thanks!!
Here's some great stuff:
The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors.They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Towns ville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forge tits name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you gout walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
Kelly had this posted on his blog.
(http://plastickelly.blogspot.com/)
If I knew how to link in comments I would of!
Excellent info! I do have to add, though, that flip flops are the greatest shoes on the planet and I wear mine on all the days that there isn't more than 6 inches of snow on the ground. Red cordial sounds like American Kool-aid. It totally sucks that you don't actually own kangaroos!
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