Pimps worse than actual pimps, maybe slightly less violence.

I am a contractor.

A contractor is someone who is perceived to have mad skillz that some company requires for a short period of time. If said company needs them for a long time, they will train up their employees, or hire a new employee with those skills.

When a company decides it has a mega computery project that it wants to get done, it brings in a heap of contractors and relocates a number of it's employees to that project. The contractors bring the skills, the employees learn and then maintain it in the long term.

Getting a whole stack of contractors in is quite easy for administrative purposes. No super, no unions, no probity checks, no internal then external application process. Ring a dude up, get him in the next day.

What companies have found though, if they force all their contractors to go through one company, then they just pay one company instead of 50. That company then divides up the moola. That company, often, can't be bothered with payroll tax, insurances, etc so force contractors to belong to littler companies to sort that stuff out.

So everyone takes their cut.
Not a problem, because I still get the rate I want, and everyone sorts out the rest behind the scenes. I get a daily rate (ie, a flat rate for everyday I work) and they have their cut on top of that rate.

When the industry is hot, I say jump, they say sir yes sir, when the industry is not, I'm beggin and pleadin they kick and laugh. It's all fun and games.

What I'm finding though, is that the inbetween companies (pimps we call them) are starting to run the show. On the last contract I was in, the was no work for me to do, I finished it all. I knew it, the project manager knew it and I was bored. My contract enddate was coming up so it was all good - except my pimp went above the project member and called the big boss and had my contract extended. Twice.

Me working gets him money.
To hell with whether I want to work there or whether they have any work.

With my current job, only a couple of companies have the rights to supply contractors and so they are making heaps. As much as I like Brisbane, I wouldn't mind heading back home to work. Also, I'm bored and they want to get me to train an internal person to do my job. It's smart of them and I support that. The other day my pimps (different lot from the example above) scheduled a meeting with my team leader and asked her to make me 'indespensible' so I could remain working here, so they could continue getting money.

I find that superwrong. They are supposed to provide a very simple service, not run people's lives.

Some of these companies make thousands every day off some contractors, purely because they brokered the deal in the first place and divide some cash up at the end of the month. People don't talk about their earnings very often, so it's hard to figure out how much these guys are making. Years ago, a mate of mine was working as an employee to one of these companies and was on about $57k a year. Except he was being charged out at $1400 a day. He was bringing in approximately $350,000 a year and actually receiving a 7th of that. The margin on contractors is lesser, but I can't seem to find out what kind of figures these guys are acting so desperately over.

I feel like learning how to be a project manager just to get to a position where I can get rid of the pimps. They really are getting an obscene amount of money for just making a couple of phone calls.

Too hardcore to be sore.

We were trapped.
We fired as soon as we saw the enemy coming, but they knew exactly where we were while we could only see glimpses through the thick bushes. Soon there was firing all around, the shells bouncing off the walls, we were all forced to keep our heads down, our President was tucked safely underneath the staircase below my tower. Soon, our comrades started to fall, the enemy had flanked us on all directions and the bodycount went up hardcore. Everyone around me was getting hit, anyone who put their heads up to see got hit. Finally, there was only me, a girl and our president when our Whitehouse was stormed and we were all killed.

The end.

So, that particular game sucked, but the rest of the paintbally day was pretty fun. I was worried at the start. The guy who organised it loves to win at any cost so I was worried the teams might be slightly unbalanced - that was totally confirmed when in two teams of 13, we had 5 girls to their two and they had to take our most athletic dude to make up their numbers, leaving his girlfriend terrified on our side. All the girls were super nervous, and rightfully so, I didn't read Enny's excellent Advice For Chicks For Paintball until today.

Despite the teams being fairly unfairly uneven, it was still pretty fun and our team didn't suck so much. I'm sore in the legs from running around all crouched and army like, but I'm without bruises because 1.) I don't bruise easily (read: Adam is Superhardcore) 2.) I used, like, strategy and stuff.

The other team had some real pyschos who were more aggressive than smart, so we had to totally try and counter that. What I found myself doing was finding a defensive spot in the middle, to shoot at all the dudes running. The first couple of seconds is a mad scramble and if you fire straight up you can slow them down or make them dive for cover quicker than they planned.

After that, everyone moves around slowly, creeping from spot to spot. It's really hard to see on these paintball battles because you worry that everytime you put your head up someone's going to shoot paint at you and you'll be out.

So, once everyone was behind their little bits of cover, everyone just trade shots with each other until someone goes out. At that point I'd run back to our start and go right around the side that has the least amount of action and hopefully get around behind the other team.
It worked pretty well, each 'battlefield' is marked out in tape so if you go along the boundry, you only have to worry about spotting enemies in a 90 degree field of view rather than a 180 degree. Paintball is all about angles. People hide behind stuff, so you have to find the angle to shoot at to hit them. Sneaking around the side gave me those angles.

It was a half day so we played 3 games, and each game had two turns, so that each team tried each side of each game. Each time they won, we won, each game they lost, we lost. Despite being a draw, the other team decided that they were the winners because in the story up the top, they shot our president within a 10 minute mark (we weren't allowed to leave our "Whitehouse" for the first 10 minutes) but that's because they played each game first and knew how hard it was.

At the end, there was a free-for-all type game which is basically to use up all your remaining paintballs. I was the only boy to sit it out... I was called a few names as the others marched in, which were quickly retracted when most people came screaming out with round welts on their personage. That end game is retarded, there's no strategy nor skill, it's just hilarious for the organisers to see adults cry.

Anywho, all the girls who went, who were really worried and scared, actually quite enjoyed it. I think you only massively bruise up if you charge forward without any sense or if you're unlucky enough to have someone ambush you. Leaving the girls in defence actually totally up'd their confidence, they got to hit boys who ran towards them, what more could a girl want?

Bevis, I didn't get a chance to hit anyone in the kippers or the boobies, they were sneakin' and hidin' too much. I did get to hit a dude who thought he'd duck and roll after I hit him (and he didn't own up) and hit him four or five times as he was rolling into cover.

Two thumbs up.

I have nothing to say on this way groovy Friday.

"Hallelujah!"

Everyone who dabbles online has probably seen the usual fartacular moments of
work on my tan as The Hun wants to do post 300 LIVE!!!

It was very uncool when he befriended that nerdy inmate and then totally sold him
my eyes while DelightfulDad sawed the ruling class of lords and royals and
my STUPID freakin’ pass-me-down phone.

I can feel them proud to announce that I went to sleep at an 1800s gold rush town
and danced the wrong thing. I have become quite hooked on his original stuff and he knows me by Effin rights Doggy.

Paintball on Saturday

I'm so excited, I get to shoot friends, friends of friends and dancers. Has anyone done this before? Any tips?


I've been training via:
http://www.snopi.com/FreeTime/assault.swf

An Inconvenient Truth

I really think everyone should try and see this movie, it's not so much depressing as informative and thought provoking.

Al Gore really does imply an interesting point. I totally believe the world would have been quite a different place if he had stayed the President-Elect. Australia would definitely have signed the Kyoto agreement for starters. The War on Terrorism would have been approached fairly differently. Obviously it's hard to compare actuals and 'what couldas' and I understand that Al Gore is a far more informed about the Climate Crisis since he walked away from politics, but I do agree that America really needs to drive this change.

One thing I found super interesting was a diagram of the damage of terrorist attacks to America versus the damage to America if/when the sea level rises.

The other thing; maybe don't buy beach front real estate.

What I found a bit of a shame, is that both my parents and Cara's parents have no interest whatsoever in seeing this movie, which I'm a bit disappointed with. While it was very, very smart to produce a movie like this to start to get the thoughts happening, most people who'll see the movie will already be quite environmentally concious. It's really our parents generation, the people currently making the big decisions that need to get clued up, otherwise it'll be another 10 or 20 years before our generation gets into the appropriate levels of power to start making good changes. The people who need that cluing up the most are the people most likely to resist...
The good thing is, it can be quite fixed, just like the hole in the ozone is repairing, it is mainly going to take some concerted, big efforts by America, China and maybe India.

www.climatecrisis.org

Bunker in the hills, bring boardgames!

Whoa! I've had a little visitor the last couple of days. It's been exciting and fun, it's been a while since I've had some visitors.

My little visitor, I think it's a girl, seems to spend most of the day sleeping and soaking in the rays. She seems to like my balcony.

I've been feeding it whatever I can find in the fridge and stroking it's little tummy and been leaving work a little earlier to go home and see what it's upto. It's so cute.

I'd attach a picture but I keep forgetting to bring out the camerage. I've been calling it little schnookyschnookysnookums* but I think it prefers to be called Cara.

The EP launch went really well last Thursday, I flew down after work and flew back early morning while Cara flew up here at a more reasonable time. She's been working craziness the last few months so she's way enjoying some down time.

It hasn't totally been like, sunny to the max dude, but she's loved it anyway. Our 4 year anniversary is in the next couple of days. We're still in dispute about the exact dateage. We clearly got together at our friend Amber's party (Amber whose dog we may look after forever).

The party was on a Friday night, we didn't actually pash until well into the morning and didn't have 'the talk' until the Sunday. The Friday was the 25th of October, The Saturday the 26th and Sunday the 27th. I reckon our anniversary is on the 25th, she reckons it's on the 26th.
Even though we're both big talkers, it's been a bit exhausting for us both, outside of work I haven't really had too much social contact where Cara has had heaps, but has worked mostly in isolation during the days. It's weird getting used to so much contact again. It's also weird that she's beaten me 4 times to 1 at Trouble. Girls aren't supposed to win games.

Yesterday she spent some time on the internet, our friend in England has got a blog and recently got engaged so that's been a bit exciting. Cara started up her own blog because she's a way groovy writer and is going through interesting band times, except, I haven't exactly told her about this one yet. I haven't specifically kept it from her, but I've liked having a section of my life where I could vent without consequence if need be. I'm also embarrassed and feeling guilty that I've had this going for two years without sharing it.

I do wonder if I shared this blog with her, if it would change my focus. I write for myself and sometimes for you guys, would I then write for her, or start to self-edit?

That said, it's the only part of my life I haven't been completely 100% upfront which drags on me a little.

* I must have some allergy though, every time I use this name I feel a short sharp pain in my ribs.

I won, I won!!

ENNY FOR BIG BLOGGER 2006!!!

ADAM FOR BIG BLOGGER 2006!!!

Serves me right for eavesdropping on old people in a train

"... in my day we had a conscious."

He he he, old people say the darndest. It was a bit annoying though, the old people were talking so loud it was hard to concentrate on my guilt-free pasttime of setting fire to orphans.

QuizMasterA

Well hello there, to celebrate the fact that I completely missed my 2 year blogging anniversary, I would like to introduce the:

First Annual 2nd Anniversary Not Going Nowhere Quiz For Those Who Can Be Bothered!

(Or FA2ndANGNQFTWCBB for short). All answers can be found on this blog and the first person to get every question correct will win something lovely. Non-accurate but informative answers will be considered.

1.) Who was my first repeat commenter?
2.) Who was the runner up in the Bloggolympics First Event?
3.) What is the date of my birthday? (Hint: I posted a post called "Footprints" on one of my birthdays)
4.) What is the date of my sisters birthday?
5.) How much more attractive do I feel now than I did 5 years ago?
6.) Who was my most excellent interviewee?
7.) Where did I find proof IOYC was in Brisbane?
8.) How many times have I interviewed Jobe?
9.) Who would I like to win Big Blogger 2006?
10.) What did I receive for not being a criminal?

Thank you, come again.

Mondo gecko

Are geckos really a pest?

My building manager was regaling me with tales of how he kills them at every opportunity and how they are introduced from Indonesia and they have no natural competition and just poo everywhere and make a squeaking sound. I don't think those are good enough reasons.

How can anything that supercute be bad?

Are you attractive and/or excellent?

Why hello there, I didn't see you come in.

You might remember us talking a little while ago about the order your born and how that may or may not help determine parts of your personality.

Today, I'd like to talk about how attractiveness mucks around people's personalities too.
Being a nearly world famous photographerguy I've had to deal with a model or two. Models for the most part, are generally treated differently to most people from early teenage years.
At this point, I'd love to make all sorts of generalisations like; all people love to generalise, but most of the male and female peeps that have sultried into my camera have been pretty decent. Understand that photographic models are quite different to catwalk models. Catwalk models are tall and thin and have everyone asking them if they are a model. Photographic models are heaps more normal, but tend to be a bit unshy and usually have nice skin, big eyes, etc; features that people won't notice straight away.

I've always thought attractiveness is a lot like being rich. Attractiveness has always been a type of currency. People are drawn to you but you're never really sure if it's because of who you are or what you've got. How can you be happy if you're never sure if people really like you?
What makes attractive and rich people different to most others is that they have to learn coping skills for way more attention. Some become jerks; talking about what they've got and guarding it protectively, some become hilarious; people are listening so you might as well use it to make their lives better, some people become shy and some people sabotage themselves to get out of the limelight.

I took photos of a very modelly looking girl a few weeks ago, tall, blond, etc, who really liked the shots. She recommended me to her friend who I took shots of on Sunday. They were both fun and sharp, but being best friends they had a very clear relationship. The more modelly one was the boss, she called the shots and the other sucked up to her by buying her stuff and doing heaps of favours, it was all a bit wrong, but I figured through various comments that they are both deeply jealous of each other. The more modelly one is clearly guarding her own attractiveness and trying her best to cut down the other, the other is letting herself be cut down to fit in. I saw a photo from a few years ago and she fit the model bill perfectly. Perplexing.

The girl I met from the internet a while ago had said that she had let herself gain heaps of weight because she was blond haired blue eyed with good chestage and quite over the attention. Now, she's ready to go back.

Anyway, in summary, I like sunshine.

Happy birthday lil sister.

Today is my sister's birthday.

Her name is Lauren and she's turned 24.

I know it's always someone's birthday, but I don't think I've ever really spoken about her here before.

Lauren and I grew up in a fairly insular environment. The first house we spent the majority of our childhood was not near any other kids, and it really never occured to us to have friends over. Friends were a school thing. We spent a lot of time playing in the backyard together and got along pretty well. She was a terrible competitor so any games we played I had to accidentally start to lose so she wouldn't storm off in a huff. I was always faster, stronger, more awesomer, but she was braver. My parents used to fight a lot, and it was always her that would interupt them to ask if we could have dinner.

We fought as well, but people spending that much time together just do. I've always been fascinated with the order of birth and how it affects people's lives because of our relationship. As the older one, I felt it was my duty to control her (not realising then that it's totally no one's place to control another person) as the younger one she was by far the most attention seeking. As a kid I was shy and quiet but with her I thought nothing of getting a bit rough, and as a result she thought nothing about getting me into trouble.

It was almost a game we played our entire lives, I would try and hurt her (like chinese burns and stuff, not shattered limbs) while she would try and get away with getting into as much trouble as possible. It probably didn't help that I was learning martial arts for a fair chunk of our childrenhood. It pains me to admit it, but I think she had me beat.

After a couple of moves we landed in a nice house that was opposite a big park and next to a court (um, like a dead end street with a roundy bit at the end). There were heaps of kids in that court and so it wasn't too long before we were surrounded by crazy kids. My parents were fighting worse now and Lauren and I had a rumpus room so even with heaps of kids around we were still pretty close, we had a kind of us versus our parents thing going.

Lauren was quite loud and attention seeking at home, but she was quite quiet and shy amongst her friends and now it seems like we've virtually swapped characteristics of our childhood, I'm totally loud (with added hilariousness) while she's quieter and keeps trying to punch me.

She's hella fit now and right into kickboxing and so tries to beat me down everytime we hang out. Last time I saw her was at one of Cara's gigs and she clocked me so goddam hard in the gut. I didn't let her know how much it hurt, but goddam it hurt freakin' heaps. When there are no witnesses I can still take her but it's heaps harder and she's developed a stupid 'never say die' attitude. Damn kids.

My dad and Lauren were always very similar, she clearly got her looks from him (beard and pot belly) while my mum and I were obviously related. My mum was always the aggressor in our parents arguments and so when she cracked it Dad and Lauren would run around fixing whatever would be the problem and then would slump back into their slothful ways once the steamin' got less.

My sister loved our parents getting divorced, she got more attention than ever before and she got more lollies and stuff. She loves stuff. I didn't like it as much, we were happy families a bit, but then my Mum's aggression was turned onto me. Lauren never really understood, she was all; Mum is mad -> Fix issue -> Mum happy -> everyone happy but I thought our parental was acting a bit ridiculous and so we fought. Neither my sister and I are very good and confrontations, our brains seize up and we get flustered and so I hate to admit, but my Mum had me beat. I moved out.

I think Lauren was devestated when I left. It had always been us versus them and then she was alone. I do regret that, but her family life was a lot happier for the change. Mum and Lauren have a weird relationship now, they talk to each other like a old married couple. Mum has moved out of the family home to be with her partner in the country so only Lauren is left, sharing with some friends.

Her life is the happiest it's ever been now, and while I'm not sure how rockin' it is (ie, I'm still not sure if she's kissed a dude or woken up lying on some empties in someone's front lawn) I think she's in a good spot.

We don't hang out much, but if we are enduring family stuff and super old people, it's still very much us versus the world and she's okay to be on my team. I guess.

Call me.....

a dunderhead.

clueless.

an emu + head in sand.

an inept, uninformed, miseducated cad.

a dude w/o mad skillz.

I didn't know until nowish that Queensland didn't participate in daylight savings. How would I, it's not like I make an effort to inform myself of current events, world happenings or time zone oddities?

I was booking flights for various parties and EP launches when I noticed the reason QLD adds "The Smart State" to it's automobile number plates. From Sunday the 29th, I'll never want to fly to Melbourne again, nor even talk to anyone from there.

Fly to Melbourne = 3 hours.
Boooooo, Melbourne sucks, I'm not going there.

Fly to Brisbane = 1 hour.
Yayyyyyy! Sunshine and almost instant travel.

I do understand that this may not be daylight savings at all. It could be that the domestic airlines are basing all their superturboawesomecharged planes in Melbs and all their dodgy brothers slowpoke planes in Brisb. I'll find out.

I reckon my Melbites will start to fly up just to watch a movie with me or grab a drink, it'll take 'em no time to rock up. I can't wait for summer.

Oh my god! Too excited!!

Hi, is this the brand new little baby as seen on http://ibloggedmyself.blogspot.com/?
How are you today?

it sure is me, yes. more specifically, i'm from http://ibloggedmyself.blogspot.com/2006/10/look-what-i-made.html, but i see what you're trying to do there. i'm fine, thank you. how are you?


Very good thanks, although my heart hasn't stopped beating furiously after reading your Dad's post. So, how long have you been out and about now?

since 2:44pm last thursday, 5th october. i was just saying to mummy earlier this evening how funny itis because the time has just _flown_ by.


What should we call you?

daddy says my name is to remain a secret, but apparently i'm going to be called sweetums on the blogosphere. i don't even know what most of those words means, but it sounds impressive.


How's your mum? What would you rate her out of 10 in SuperMumness?

my mummy is okay now, but i hear she had a bit of a rough trot on thursday afternoon. i'm not sure what it was that was giving her such a hard time, because i was busy being born at the time so i didn't notice. as for her rating of supermumness, she is off the scale. whenever i'm hungry, she doesn't justhave a bottle of milk on hand, but she has _two_ bottles of milk! they look cool, too. i look forward to developing a life-long fascination with that kind of milk bottle. but anyway, back to my mum, i gave her a birthday card on saturday (for t'was her birthday then, you see), and i thanked her for giving birth to me, saying i had a great time and i hope she did, too.


Did you miss swimming in the womb or were just kicking to get outta there?

i was actually having a great time in there, and didn't really want to leave. i love sleeping-in, and thatwas just a 40-and-a-half week sleep-in! i only decided to leave when mummy ate some particularly hot curry and set off a chain reaction inside her body that i didn't particularly want to hang around to witness. by way of retalitation, i make sure i fall asleep whenever i can out here, including mere minutes after latching on to one of mummy's matching milk bottles and not drinking like she needs me to! i'm such a rascal!


So, do you have any heroes? Any aspirations to be like one of the grumpy babies from The Muppets movies, or is there a particular muppet baby you'd like to model yourself on?

heroes would definitely include my mummy and daddy (he told me to add him in there), because i don't really know anyone else. oh yeah, except the muppets my daddy has been showing me non-stop ever since i arrived on the scene last thursday. it's been quite frustrating, actually. personally i think he needs professional help. although i'm not overly familiar with the muppet babies, i risked my own sanity by asking daddy for his opinion and in the thirty-five minute discussion on the tv show that followed, i managed to glean the fact that baby rowlf was the most adorable, kind and good-natured. so i'll go with that. i'm told he was also the happiest of the bunch.


Have you decided what your first sentence will be when your vocal cords are ready? You don't want to be unprepared and just say any ol' thing that pops into your head.

having a quick read through your blog, adam, i'd have to say 'awesome' would appear to be a good first word, although i don't know if i'll go with that, just yet. i may stick with 'bitches', which is what daddy is already trying to teach me to say so he can giggle himself silly when i suddenly mutter it aloud in mixed company. mummy isn't impressed.


As the first born of possibly thousands of siblings, you're in a very good position, companies are starting to think about recruiting in terms of which order you were born. Do you have a favourite colour yet and/or an inspiring new company logo designed?

that's an excellent question, even though i am far too young to understand it. i don't have a logo, but my favourite colour would appear to be blue. everything i wear is blue and all my presents come wrapped in blue paper, not to mention that the walls of my room are also blue. i can't identify colours yet, but when i do, i hope to high heaven i actually like blue. otherwise there'll be hell to pay.


Do you have an opinion on Shaun Micallef yet?

yes, i think he as robbed last season on thank god you're here and it's a good thing he won the trophy for best performer a few weeks ago on his first appearance for season two. he's hilarious.


We read about the prep for your room, is it the bomb? Is it your favourite?

i'm not sure what 'the bomb' is, although i'm told we're living in a very uncertain world nowadays and you can't be too careful. the room i'm occupying now is full of soft toys like winnie the pooh (which sounds suitable for a baby's room considering the number of times a day i need my nappy changed), sesame street characters, dr seuss books, and the occasional muppet. of all the bedrooms i've ever had in my life, this is definitely in the top two. the womb was also pretty cool, and i wasn't constantly being disturbed by well-wishers saying 'coochi-coochi-coo!'


Well, thank you little one, thanks for doing this interview so early in life. Do you have any words you'd like to leave us by?

no problems. sorry i couldn't use capital letters; daddy says i'm too young to use capitals yet but i hope to prove him wrong soon. as for my final words, maybe i can ask _you_ a question? daddy says he's found a shop that sells cool baby t-shirts and he doesn't know which one to buy me. which do you think would be better? one that says, "been nowhere, done nothing", or one that says, "mothersucker"? please let me know asap. many thanks. as you were.

Goosey loosey

I got a large chocolate frog today for not being a criminal.

It's a bit of a shame, I do like adding things to my resume and 'criminal' would have sit nicely beside 'IT Ninja'. The upside though, is that I got chocolate and I get to keep my job doing computer stuff with all sorts of boring yet private government information.

Anywho, the point of this post wasn't to brag about my non-criminal status, but in filling out the forms ('Have you murdereddeathkilled many people?' 'Not so many') I had to list all my addresses in the last 10 years and the dates lived therein.

My head exploded with the hardness of the task.

Having finished the forms, I now know that I've lived in 11 places in the last 10 years, and I worked out later 15 different houses since I was born. I think this is why I've never been real into stuff, I'd just have to move it anyway. When Cara and I moved into our current house, my stuff was transported via Toyota Echo while hers was transported by many cars and a removalist truck. Since we've been there we've been updating many furnitures all of which I've paid for, but if we broke up I'd probably give to her because that'll keep my wandering soul freer.

In closing, I would like to surmise that kids in blogland are more trasient than most - I might take out the title for Blogger State Whore, but can anyone beat me to the title of Blogger Movin' Junkie?

I am all about interactive awesomeness

Anyone interested in joining The Bloggest Loser as instigated by our good friends Kris and Cherry!

Good work kids, this is a brilliant idea.

Friends via that internet thing.

So, on Saturday, I like, totally met someone from the internet.

I should clarify, the internet isn't actually a place, it's more a communication device where a whole heap of computers are linked up together, so when I say 'met someone from the internet' I mean that I met someone I had never met before.

Anywho, a few weeks ago I actually put a Ad on a website called Brisbane Exchange that basically said "hi, will you be my friend? I'm pretty fun and have a girlfriend and travel heaps but sometimes am bored in Brisbane". Then I sat by my computer and waiting for the avalanche of responses.

And sat.

And heard cichadas.

And saw some tumbleweeds.

And then I forgot.

So when I got an e-mail thing going 'you've got mail' it took me ages to figure out what was going on. Luckily, being awesomely supersmart I managed to get a clue. It was a girl that lived in Brisbane but had just come out of a four year relationship and didn't really know many people outside of that circle. I can understand that. So we kinda e-mailed back and forth for a bit seeing if we had any common interests and so forth. It took a couple of weeks to come up with a time that would suit us both, but we got there. Her e-mails the whole way through were funny, sometimes totally random, but very entertaining and towards the end they were almost too funny, like she was putting in too much effort... my stalkersense was tingling. Back in the days when I was a much lovelier person I got stalked by a totaly of four girls in as many years, like showing up at my house, e-mailing my friends, calling all hours sort of stalked, so my sense for these things is fairly finely tuned.

So anyway, I was still up for it and would just use my special stalker defuse sentences if required.

I got there first because it would be safer for a young lady to decide whether or not to approach a young man than vise versa, if she got nervous she could just keep walking.

I've never done anything like this before and I picked up straight away which one was her, she looked lost confused and made more eye contact than most. I wasn't sure if I'd be unco or nervous but I went straight into gentlemanly host mode and it was all good.

We were pretty comfortable straight away, I'm a good talker and she's a good talker and it was all good, she's really nice. Probably not as massively exciting as maybe I was hoping, but still very pleasant, very sensible and we do have a fair bit in common. Pretty much I think anyone can be friends with anyone as long as both parties totally want to be friends.

I think she'll be a good person to have hot chocolate with and see movies with and stuff. I'm a bit excited to have a friend. Now, all I need is someone who wants to go to gigs with, I'm looking into volunteering for Brisbane Community radio station 4ZZZ to entertain myself and meet peeps.

Meeting people over the internet was so out of my comfort zone, I usually decide if I like someone based purely on spark, and the internet doesn't really show spark as much, but it worked out well, she's someone I would have got along quite well with in any other social setting. Whooo!

Can someone say, Canadialian?

Hi, is this the infamous travelling Jessie from www.yikes.ca?
How are you today?

Good thanks!

So, for those of us that are relatively new to the world of Yikes and don't have time to read entire paragraphs, can you summerise your entire life into 7 words or less?

School, typography obsessed, zamboni, bloviate, long plane rides, frequent boughts of gas…is that 7?

So, most of us are confused. The young lady in the hair photo and Squinty McSquinterson don't look like they could possibly be the same person. Are you leading a quadruple life?

Squinty McSquinterson had a bad head cold and was suffering from an extreme lack of sleep due to sleeping in the same bedroom as her grandparents. Hair Photo Lady had just come from the coiffeur and her hair looked lovely and straight. Also, the pic was slightly out offocus. Reality is somewhere in between the two.

Your blog has almost been going for two years... will there be a massive party (a celebratory one not a political one)?

Nah, I am going to sacrifice a virgin or two. All are welcome.

Have you decided what you're going to do with your life or is bum in times square still looking like the best option?

My plan is to write the pivotal novel for my generation. So in other words, I'll be working at Starbucks.

Would you dispute that the best line in your entire blog was a recent one? "try to rob a convenience store before going to emergency and you'll be treated faster"

I would dispute that, yes, but I am too lazy to search through my old posts and find one that is better.

Is there anything in Australia you still need to do but are worried that you may run out of time?

Well I really wanted to dry-hump Crocodile Dun Dee but then I realized he isn't a real person. In all seriousness though, I wanted to get back to Sydney for a weekend but it doesn't look like that willhappen.

How did you get possibly the coolest blog website address in the whole entire world (also including the moon, halley's commet, etc)?

My Dad is a big Internet nerd and he owns a whole whack of domain names. I had been blogging for a while and decided I wanted my own domain and that was the coolest sounding one that he had. Lame story, huh? OK, actually, I was teleported into the Internet and I fought the evil…um…domain name gremlins for seven days and seven nights until they gave me yikes.ca.

How is the whole password thing going for you? Whoa! If I had clicked on your link for the first time even one day later, you wouldn't be getting the extra awesome/incomprehensible comments you currently endure? Do you ponder this daily?

Well the main reason why I decided to password protect my blog is because it is not anonymous and I do not want future potential employers googling my name and reading it. I hope to maybe remove the password after I go back home and get a real job. Otherwise, it is working pretty well, I will pretty much give the password to anyone who emails me and asks for it. And yes, Adam, I do ponder that daily.
Um, yeah cough.

Can you invent something way groovy please?

No.

May I please ask, is randomness one of your favourite things?

I don't know that it is the sort of thing that can be classified as a favourite "thing", rather it is just this omnipresent force in mylife.

Thanks for your time young Jessie, do you have any words to leave us by?

No worries mate. Don't pee on the electric fence and call your mom.

Socrates Summarised.

Alright peeps, put your hands up if you've learnt something random and useless since leaving school?

You, D'Jen, what was it?

Hmmm, that's pretty random, what about you Kris?

Yeah, okay, also random... but listen you kids, those aren't random enough.

Today, we're going to learn about Socrates.

Socrates Summarised by Adam.

Socrates was a big thinker. He loved thinking. He loved thinking way more than he loved eating and washing. He was doing his thing around 400bc and lived in Athens. His thing was just arguing with people. This is what he is totally famous for, being really freakin' argumentive.

His MO shall be described thusly; he would ask someone to provide a definition to something, be it beauty, virtue, honour or Fruity Girlie Drinks. Ie;
Socrates: What, young sir, is a Fruity Girlie Drink?
Ulysses: Why Socrates, it is an fruity alcoholic beverage that is favoured by young ladies for it's sweet taste. It often comes in skinny easy to drink bottles and can be drunk with a straw so that their lipstick doesn't brush off.
Socrates: Ahh, but have you ever seen a Scottish lass who drinks Bulmers. That's an Ale made of Apples.
Ulysses: Well, yeah, but why did you ask me that question if you were just going to disagree with me?
Socrates: ....

Socrates was in the army as a young man and there was a story of how his brain loved thinking so much that he stood totally still for like 24 hours thinking. His entire army set up camp to wait for him.

In those crazy turbulent times he chose not to be a politician because those dudes kept getting killed. So he just went around all smelly and starving arguing with people. No only could beat him in having a debate and so everyone thought he was the best and wanted to sex him. He didn't live anywhere, so it was lucky that everyone invited him to dinner every night and asked him to stay. People were like, "I'm so sick of talking about grapes and the zorba every night, who can we invite to argue with everything we say?"

Once, some dude who thought Socrates was the bees knees asked the Oracle at Delphi (sooooo borrowed from computer company names - damn unoriginal original magic 8 ball) if there was anyone as wise as Socrates. The Oracle said, and I quote, "No."

Socrates even argued with this, so he went around to all the smart people in the land and argued with them all. They all had plays to write and stuff to do and so he won every argument about things, and he was all depressed because he didn't think he was smart or wise so therefore they weren't smart or wise, he didn't know much, he just knew arguing.

All the kids liked him, even though he was getting a bit ancient by this stage, and parents who had just finished banned Grand Theft Auto were looking for a new challenge.

Socrates never wrote anything down, he was all like, 'how do you argue with the written word?' so didn't bother, so it really up to other people to write about him... luckily he totally got busted by all the parents and taken to court, then everything was recorded by that one person who doesn't talk until someone says 'Strike that from the record'.

The People vs Socrates

He was charged with Making The Kids Think Their Parents Aren't Really As Cool As The Actually Are and he didn't hire a lawyer, he was totally like 70 years old, figured he knew best and did all his defence work.

He didn't really defend himself at all, like most old people, he told unrelated stories that didn't go anywhere.

Even though he was fairly well liked, the people in the court voted him guilty. They wanted him to talk his way through the biggest argument ever and he just didn't really. Maybe because these conversations were being recorded and he was thrown out by how his arguments sounded in writing. No one ever sounds how they think they sound.

Anywho, once found guilty he had a chance to talk his way into a reduced sentence. His main argument was that it was totally cool by God to make the kids outside the box and be all unorthodox, much like Coach Carter. The court people hated that so everyone voted him to death, even those that had voted for his innocence earlier.

So, he had a big party and then had to drink poison. The end.

I had the pleasure on the weekend of bagging one of my friends because he said this:

"No matter how much I'm pretending to do something else, girls always fix their tops or pull their jackets closed when I'm staring at their boobs. How do they know?"

I've seen his subtleness, he's the kinda dude that poors beer in his lap because he'll stare at a girl until she's out of sight, but since bagging him out I've been watching other dudes in the airport and in the city and at bars and stuff.

When I'm walking around I tend to look people in the eye and totally forget to check them out. When a girl is dressed in a way where the kids are way totally out there, I totally, totally, totally try really hard not to sneak a look because I assume girls are smarter than me and someone will notice.

But watching other dudes check out chicks, few are rarely subtle, I even noticed walking behind Cara all the dudes that would obviously look her up and down and it seems to be that even if a dude is focused on something else, he'll still flick a look down to the chestal area.

Talking about it with some of my friends later, some of the girls actually named other friends that are the worst offenders. I was totally shocked, even though the girls tended to agree with each other. I honestly wouldn't have picked the guys they said; Age, relationship status, politeness, whether they are a tradie or not seemed to make no difference on who repeatedly cops a look or not. Surprised and shocked I was.

Later, I realised I still had a question that I forgot to ask my female friends. In the same way a dude seems to sense when an attractive young lady is in the vacinity, do ladies have the same sense? Can you feel when a dude is looking chestwise?

Walking around the city has become heaps more facinating.