Socrates Summarised.

Alright peeps, put your hands up if you've learnt something random and useless since leaving school?

You, D'Jen, what was it?

Hmmm, that's pretty random, what about you Kris?

Yeah, okay, also random... but listen you kids, those aren't random enough.

Today, we're going to learn about Socrates.

Socrates Summarised by Adam.

Socrates was a big thinker. He loved thinking. He loved thinking way more than he loved eating and washing. He was doing his thing around 400bc and lived in Athens. His thing was just arguing with people. This is what he is totally famous for, being really freakin' argumentive.

His MO shall be described thusly; he would ask someone to provide a definition to something, be it beauty, virtue, honour or Fruity Girlie Drinks. Ie;
Socrates: What, young sir, is a Fruity Girlie Drink?
Ulysses: Why Socrates, it is an fruity alcoholic beverage that is favoured by young ladies for it's sweet taste. It often comes in skinny easy to drink bottles and can be drunk with a straw so that their lipstick doesn't brush off.
Socrates: Ahh, but have you ever seen a Scottish lass who drinks Bulmers. That's an Ale made of Apples.
Ulysses: Well, yeah, but why did you ask me that question if you were just going to disagree with me?
Socrates: ....

Socrates was in the army as a young man and there was a story of how his brain loved thinking so much that he stood totally still for like 24 hours thinking. His entire army set up camp to wait for him.

In those crazy turbulent times he chose not to be a politician because those dudes kept getting killed. So he just went around all smelly and starving arguing with people. No only could beat him in having a debate and so everyone thought he was the best and wanted to sex him. He didn't live anywhere, so it was lucky that everyone invited him to dinner every night and asked him to stay. People were like, "I'm so sick of talking about grapes and the zorba every night, who can we invite to argue with everything we say?"

Once, some dude who thought Socrates was the bees knees asked the Oracle at Delphi (sooooo borrowed from computer company names - damn unoriginal original magic 8 ball) if there was anyone as wise as Socrates. The Oracle said, and I quote, "No."

Socrates even argued with this, so he went around to all the smart people in the land and argued with them all. They all had plays to write and stuff to do and so he won every argument about things, and he was all depressed because he didn't think he was smart or wise so therefore they weren't smart or wise, he didn't know much, he just knew arguing.

All the kids liked him, even though he was getting a bit ancient by this stage, and parents who had just finished banned Grand Theft Auto were looking for a new challenge.

Socrates never wrote anything down, he was all like, 'how do you argue with the written word?' so didn't bother, so it really up to other people to write about him... luckily he totally got busted by all the parents and taken to court, then everything was recorded by that one person who doesn't talk until someone says 'Strike that from the record'.

The People vs Socrates

He was charged with Making The Kids Think Their Parents Aren't Really As Cool As The Actually Are and he didn't hire a lawyer, he was totally like 70 years old, figured he knew best and did all his defence work.

He didn't really defend himself at all, like most old people, he told unrelated stories that didn't go anywhere.

Even though he was fairly well liked, the people in the court voted him guilty. They wanted him to talk his way through the biggest argument ever and he just didn't really. Maybe because these conversations were being recorded and he was thrown out by how his arguments sounded in writing. No one ever sounds how they think they sound.

Anywho, once found guilty he had a chance to talk his way into a reduced sentence. His main argument was that it was totally cool by God to make the kids outside the box and be all unorthodox, much like Coach Carter. The court people hated that so everyone voted him to death, even those that had voted for his innocence earlier.

So, he had a big party and then had to drink poison. The end.