Todays dumbness brought to you by....

Just got this sms message on my phone:

Telstra comp: Sumsung M TV $4499 2B won. Reply by 24/5 & guess Aus v Greece score. 55c/entry. 18+ Terms @ socceroos.bigpond.com Optout 1800039059

Translated it means that I could win a TV if I correctly guess the finishing score of a soccer game.

My response?
Telstra, you stupid deadweight of a phone company... how can you stuff up an instant communication medium like text messages and send me something the day after your stupid competition finishes.

Theres nothing like advertising to billions (if not thousands) of people that you don't understand your own products. How could you be so slow?!?

This weekend celebrates the First and Only Annually Inaugral Adam's Birthday Roadtrip.
Now, my birthday was actually months and months ago, but there has kinda been stuff on. When asked even monthsier ago what I wanted to do, I was a bit bored with the idea of another party. We've thrown heaps of good parties but I also haven't been putting so much effort into all my various friendships this year so I'm not sure who would have come.
Instead, I wanted to get a little gang together and go on a roadtrip. No one has done anything crazy cool for ages. In the High Dancing Days where there were interstate competitions and whatnot, we did funness like a few times a year.
The roadtrip idea was one idea presented once. I forgot about it.It's all been planned without me.I find that totally exciting and weird. I've always been the plannerer. Not because I'm a control freak but because I get too excited and want everything happening now or as soon as. To not have any involvement is an experience I've never had.
On my actual birthday, various hand picked friends excitedly told me about the plans... and this weekend it's ON!
I'm flying down to Melbourne for it and somehow without me organising anything it's ended up being 5 girls and me. Maybe 6.
TOO MUCH FUNNESS AHEAD!

Hands and wrists and elbows and toes. Maybe not toes.

There was this one time, at my house when my parents split up.It didn't actually feel like a big deal at the time, it was obviously brewing for a long long time and when it did happen my sister and I did breatheth a synchronised sigh of relief.

For my sister it was great, she got spoiled waaaaaaay, and loved it. I was happy enough that my Mum wasn't constantly on the rampage.

When my birthday came round, my dad took me out to dinner, we had never had dinner just the two of us, and gave me a present. It was a new computer game. It wasn't like the other computer games we had, it was on it's own CD and not just copied from friends. It was very cool, except for one thing. Our computer didn't have a CD drive, it didn't even have the required Windows 95.

But the computer at my dad's place did.

So, I could only play it at his house and thusly organised sessions.Mum wasn't happy.Dad actually didn't turn out to be that happy either.He should have known that my enthusiasm can at times border on obsession and so could hardly speak to him while I was there. His computer that he worked on was suddenly unusable for 5, 6, 9 hours at a time, once it was 11 hours.

Eventually my Mum upgraded our home computer and Dad was able to use his again for his business and you know, deriving an income.

That 11 hour computer game session I had hurt my hands.
RSI.
They've never healed and 12 years on have gotten worse.
They hurt right now.
They hurt when I'm not even at a computer.

A couple of years ago I saw a doctor about it and he said I needed to find a new career.
That's not easy, I've done really well and can't imagine the drop in cashola if I started something else.

Anything I'd want to do would probably require some years of study.I don't want to study again. I did that already.I'm not the only one that depends on my income.

That said, I've still got 35 years until I retire.
It's a tricky one.

lonely

The church bell tolls.
It's Sunday.
Morning.

I haven't heard them before but then I haven't been here on a Sunday before. The sound is quite lovely but they ring and ring and stop. And wait. And ring and ring and stop. And wait. And ring. I turn the bells into the symbols I feel they always were. Sweet, but loud enough to be heard by everyone in the surrounding areas, touching all, removing choice, carrying their message of guilt in those soulfull, sad tolls - You should be here - Not sleeping.

I always get like this when I'm lonely.
As a kid I never got lonely.... a partner who loves me has changed me.
I don't know whether it's a self destructive part of me, looking for imprefections, or if it's the problem solver in me, thinking through the bits I'm not happy with.
The album is finished.
Suddenly everything needs to be done now.
The only weekend I'm alone is suddenly the weekend they need photos taken.
Those photos that will probably end up everywhere.
Press releases, the album sleeve, website.

I wasn't told at all until photographers were found.
I wasn't intending to be in Melbourne this weekend, I've got tickets for next weekend.
I initially bought all the camera gear because it was a way I could help them out, I have no musical skills, no musical history but I was still living the band life.
Worse.
I was living that life and the normal life. I've supported every which way for years, now it will be someone elses name in the credits.

Typical.

I got the album in the mail.
It sounds very different to the music played live.
My favourites are different.
Not bad. Different.

Maybe because it was different.
Maybe because I'm alone.
The album brought back feelings I had forgotten.
Not different. Bad.

The biggest fight we ever had was while the band toured when I was in Sydney.
While I was in Sydney we had some big, big fights.We very nearly broke up a few times. It was always me that reeled it back.
She told me over the interstate phonelines she isn't really attracted to me.
She loves me completely. I know this to be true.
But.
She always saw herself with a muso.
She is attracted to people who are psychotically passionate about music.
She has since realised the life of a muso is hard.
The life of two musos is harder still.
My life gives her her life.

Music doesn't make money. It requires money.
Music gives you attention. A buzz. A way to make things right.
It's self indulgent, and sometimes, rarely, it's a gift.Music makes people clap for you.
All people.

No one claps for me, but they do give me money.
She hates her day job.
Friday I offered to support her if she quits.
She can spend her time on the album and other projects currently on the go. A couple of months should do it, then she can work part time.I'm not at all financially recovered from the trip, the 4 months off or the moving to Brisbane, but I'll make it work. I always do.

I love her. That love is a part of me.
I don't trust her completely.
She is always looking at people.
When she sees muso dudes, she gawks. I have to repeat whatever I'm saying.
If we go out with our single chick friends, she is the worst.
We can't talk to her, she's too busy checking out the dudes.

I trust her always, except when she's drunk.
Stuff I don't like happens.
I'm a big flirt.
It's how I interact. She likes that about me.
But I'm consistent.
She changes when she's drunk. A massive flirt. Takes things too far.
But not far enough for her to feel anything is wrong.
Does things that even single girls wouldn't do.
I don't like that.

A minute after kissing me for NYE, she organised 8 single girls and her to cuddle the hosts' housemate on his bed. She was calling out "spooning... spooning".
Despite the massive amount of single girls right there, the dude's hand was on her upper, upper, upper thigh.
Of course. She was the best looking.
She was the funnest.
He didn't know she had a boyfriend. That he was right there.
She jumped away... but the image was already in my mind.
Just one example.

NYE was an exception though.
I usually don't have her attention at all until she's tired and emotional and needs to go home.
It's not such a bad thing, I've always made my own fun. Popular at parties.

I don't get the crazy fun the others got.
I get the drunk, dead, zonked girl.
She's not attracted to me.

We don't pash much.
We kiss like best friends.
I now don't feel I can pash her unless my teeth are sparkling clean, my tongue scraped, my breath the freshest.
That makes me nervous, puts me on the back foot.
I'm not as good as I used to be.

We don't sex much.She has a medical thing.
It hurts her. Bad.
Has. The entire time.

She doesn't feel like it much.
I don't want to her hurt her.
I'm not as good as I used to be.

I don't instigate much.
She needs to be in the mood.
We do other things.
She still needs to be in the mood.
I have a good imagination but I can't plan anything.
I don't want my name to create guilt.

These are the only bad bits.
After nearly 4 years.
All the other bits are good.
Very good.

I love her.
She loves me.
I always get like this when I'm lonely.

New undies and new shoelaces

I look good.

I feel good.

Internet Cafe - the sequel

Hey kids,

Well, after much contractual muckingaroundness I find myself in the very sunny, quite tropical, fairly awesome Brisbane. After all that toing AND froing, I ended up going for the Brisbane contract after all (see previous posts of confusion) it all up'd the stress but I'm pretty alrightish now. The lads wanted me there as soon as possible, so I found out about Monday 3pmish and was sitting at my new desk at 9am Tuesday..... and sat.... and sat.... and read a document a few times... and sat... and came back the next day and sat.... and.... sat. By the end of the week I was actually doing some work (first time in 2 years) and now I'm actually excited to rock along tomorrow.

Finding a place was hella hard. Noone wants to rent a place for 8 weeks and the serviced apartments are either crazy expensive or allllll used up. I've made possibly a trillion phone calls in the last couple of days and totally used and abused all my friends to find something. Cara bounced up from Melbourne to help an we find ourselves with something in a couple of hours. Total fluke but I'm excited. I can't wait to move in. I've had to change hotels every couple of days since I got here because Brisbane has been a hubbub of conventions and people needing to sleep in places.

Arrrrhhhjjjkkzhyheijnznbgs!!!! Internet time dying.... bubye!

I accidentally moved to Brisbane for 3 months and only have 1minute left at the internet cafe

I blame David Bowie

I've decided that today I am disgusted with the longevity of electrical items in this day and age. It really does seem to me that nothing really lasts longer than a couple of years. I got a way groovy mobile phone/pda thing this time last year, it's been awesome because it means my diary is always with me, but it's seriously dying a little bit every day, my laptop is ridiculously on it's last legs and I've had two cameras break on me in the last couple of months.

I can understand the theory that if all makers of stuff make their stuff so that it only lasts a couple of years then they all get more money (cheaper parts + repurchase later on) but it's all a bit too dodge for me. With all these daily items breaking around me, it's doesn't make me want to upgrade at all - there's no point if it's just going to break next year.

So! This blog is going to be taking a new format when this laptop dies. I'm going to be writing any new entries in the sand at Port Melbourne beach. Whenever you're able, come along and just write comments nearby. It'll be nicer on the environment Ok, it might not be so environmentally friendly for our favourite Northern Hemisphereians to fly down once or twice a week, but you'll all feel better about life. Lovely walk down the beach beats hanging out with computers. Deal?

It is Autumn.

Whoa! Okay, so things got a bit more bizarre on the job front.I scoped a project in Melbourne as I mentioned above. This detailage above confused many of you and made a couple of you cry.... which made me cry.... which made a couple of you laugh.

Last Friday it all got stressy. I was supposed to hear from the Melbourne project by Wednesday afternoon/Thursday morning, which is what I told all these other contract offers that came out of the woodwork (like with sweet, sweet lovin' - recruiters are only interested in you when you're interested in someone else). Wednesday afternoon rolled on by and they told me they were 80% sure it was all going ahead... confirmation would come on Friday, but hey also invited me to a presentation.

The next day I got some serious calls of other contracts that seriously needed my services and were going to be far more interesting projects and quite possibly pay more.

Friday. Duh! Those presentations are so freakin' deadly, please-stab-me-in-the-eye-with-a-Bics-ballpoint-pen-so-I-have-an-excuse-to-get-the-heck-outta-here, boring. I did go along though to keep up good appearances. It was boring.After the presentation they told me they weren't going to know if it was going ahead until 4pm. That was unfortunate because I told the other contracts (I'm talking to three different contracts at this point) that I should have a clue by lunchtime.

Okay, okay. Easy. All I have to do is stall these other contracts for 4 hours until I get word. Not easy. These other contracts all want me to start on Monday. The Brisbane contract was the most tenacious. After calling a few times, Brisbane decides that I have the contract even though the company has never heard of me. Guaranteed 3 to 6 month contract at good good money.

Suddenly I'm totally torn, Melbourne is easier but far less exciting. Brisbane will actually give me work to do, let me work in a team (last couple of projects I've been a loner with no friends and no one to learn from) but will require a whole lot of expense and effort on my part.
I'm half hoping the Melbourne contract falls through.

Brisbane wants me to start on Monday. Holy Whoa! I'll have to move interstate over the weekend.

Somehow sensing my heightened state of indecision, people from all over call me within those four hours. Other companies want me to work for them. Old collegues suddenly randomly call me. By finance guy checks in on me. All of them have their own opinions and agendas and confuse the waters (also confuse the adam).

4:06pm. No word.Phone rings. It's Brisbane. They ask me how long I'm going to let Melbourne string me along.

4:15pm. I call the Melbourne recruiter (to the Melbourne company) and tell him that I need a decision now. He tells me that he's trying to get a hold of the Melbourne company. He says they must be in a meeting.

4:30pm. My finance guy rings again. He says Brisbane is a massively good thing and I shouldn't mess them around. He wants me to can Melbourne now, I decide to give them until 5pm on the dot.

4:45pm. Adam is stressed. Has a sandwich.

4:52pm. The Melbourne recruiter calls me and says the company is now 99% sure I'm starting on Monday. Adam gets more frustrated. They say they'll call back in a few moments to confirm that last percent... I never told them I was going to can them at 5pm, they must be able to sense these things.

4:56pm. The Melbourne recruiter calls back. 100%. Congratulations, I have myself a brand new 4 week contract.What.Sorry?4 weeks?Yes, 4 weeks to sort out the situation and decide how long I'm actually required.

4:59pm. I call Brisbane, tell them I did actually accept the Melbourne contract. Bummer they say. Yeah, and the silly part is that it's only a 4 week contract. 4 weeks? They gesture over the phone, What are you doing after that 4 weeks? Come work for us?

Whoa! This opens a whole can of worms.I guess I could possibly do the work in 4 weeks and set the Melbourne contract up for success and good fortune and some kind of company version of wellbeing. They might not go for it, because another nother company is actually paying for my time so the Melbourne company would be lothe to let a free resource run away - even if that resource has nothing to do.

I tell the Brisbane dudes that I'll check out the situation and get back to them.

Monday.

On Monday I start my new contract. I'm looking pretty spiffy.Everyone is smiling and happy. It's a brand new week.It's all a bit blue collar so they chat happily about sport on the weekend. I was far too living up my last days of freedom and have no clues about the latest sporting things. I make some stuff up.

They ask me for a project plan so they can manage it.Um, sure. I thought they may want me to do that, but I'm happy for someone else to.Cheatingly I did this a couple of weeks ago when I was supposed to be scoping the project.... so I fall asleep instead, had a late, late, late night.
I'm woken up after lunch by someone wanting the project plan in an hour.

Done, done, here you go. I play with the internet for the rest of the day.

I get a call from someone who wants to offer me an awesome massively well paid job near my home in Melbourne for 6 months. Throwing money at me that I've never seen before.... Can you quit your current contract - you've only been there a day? Send us your resume when you get home and we'll talk tomorrow.

Tuesday.

They have no information for me to start working with, so I start doing random boring stuff. It totally puts me to sleep (had another late, late night). After lunch I get e-mail. I spend the rest of the day re-establishing my online adamness.I also find out late in the day that a lot of the actual work I was intending to do is actually going to be done by someone else. That makes sense, he's going to have to look after it when I'm gone. Good decision.

That night I get a call from Brisbane.Mate, they start with. They definitely want in 4 weeks when you've finished.Whoa! Hold on a sec... That's quite flattering but I said I might be finished, nobody knows, I'm not guaranteeing anything.Okay. Well can the Brisbane company call you anyway to see if you're suitable. Sure, why not.

No call from the massively awesome contract in Melbourne... I start to think it was all made up to get my resume. "We have 400 SAP (the system I work on) Professionals on file" is a line recruiters use to get business from companies.

Wednesday (today)

Traffic is craziness.

I live near a freeway (that you have to pay for using) and the Melbourne contract is a long, long way away but just near that same freeway. I drive for 30 minutes but only turn 4 corners. That road is closed. A million cars flood every other road nearby. Without knowing, I take Cara's car instead of the bike..... I'm trapped by I'm comfortable. Not in any hurry.

I finally get there and I have a different computer again. Nothing works on it.I ask what is required since everyone else could do this work.Oh yeah, um, can you write up a plan so everyone can just follow it to the word and not have to think?Cool. This is my out.

Crap. I have no information to work with and this computer doesn't work and IT Support hasn't called me back.

I write this entry.

I have no access to anything to post it.