The Hottest Skills for 2007

There are many differences between myself and the little red rockstar, but I'd say the biggest difference is straight up hotness.

I am daaaaaaamn hot.
She is not.

For a coupling though, this works a bit alright for us.
I heat her up and she cools me down.
They always say the really hot ones always go for people far less hot than themselves.

When Cara was up in Brisbane she was totally doona'd up why I could manage a sheet at best. If anyone wants to invent a half-sheet/half-massive-doona, you have my blessing.

So, now that you know the back story, I want tell you that I sleep in my underwear, and it was in my underwear that I leapt out of bed last night. Leapt, I tells ya!

At midnight last night, a big fatty boomba alarm completely startled my everything. I knew at once what it was, chucked all the lights on and ran to grab a broom.
Stupid, goddam smoke alarm.

Since I am so hot, I usually have all the external doors and windows open and living in a way high density, hugely apartmented area I imagine every man and his little fluffy apartment dog was watching me wave the broom around and trying to hit the retardedly small hush button.

Cursing my unglasses'd eyeballs and moving like a 90s superdude I grabbed a chair and tackled the dectector on the ceiling, elevating my undied form for everyone to see.

Son of a Damn, it was fully wired into the ceiling.
Stupid, goddam smoke alarm.

The hush button didn't work, and the alarm was so so loud. Shockingly loud. The front section wouldn't twist off, I couldn't get to the battery. I wrestled with it for ages, which in loud piercing noise terms is superages and couldn't affect it.

Eventually it turned off itself.
Whoa! Like, phew, totally.

And turned straight back on.Taking me by surprise, I nearly fell off the chair and nearly ripped the whole thing from the ceiling. In my desperation, I nearly thought about it anyway, but then I remembered that I need to look decent if I'm going to risk electrocution.

By hitting it hard, I managed to turn it off, but then a second later it would turn back on. After a while of trying to wrestle the casing off, the hush button started to work, then it stopped working.

During one pause, I chucked some clothes on.
During another pause, I grabbed my phone.

It got to the point where the best I could do was press against the speaker so it only deafened me and not so much my neighbours.

My arms were getting sore and the smoke alarm was so hot I was getting burnt on the palm of my hands. My building manager didn't answer his mobile.

I could now smell smoke, I think the wires in the smoke dectector were burning.
I was exhausted and out of ideas when I heard a soft knock at the door. 6 floors down the building manager happened to be awake and detectively went out side to see which was the only apartment had their light on.

He managed to remove a clip which removed a wirey plug and got it off the ceiling. It was still going. I wanted to chuck it in the pool but the manager broke a bit to get the battery out. It was still going.

He threw it in his tool bag and it finally ran out of juice. Now it was just making loud 'battery dead' sounds - it was freakin' invincible.

Ears ringing and with burnt hands I went back to bed.

I do have a quick message for smoke detector manufacturers: Good Invincibility, maybe make them less internally flamable.