Feelin' Ugh.
This has hit me in the guts today. I know that sometimes she feels this way but I didn't know she was having such thoughts last night.
I don't believe that our little rockchick would have kids regardless of whichever Dude of Rad she had hooked up with, but the whole marriage thing is quite a different story. It's not the declaration of life-long commitment so much but The One Day All About Her that she feels she might miss out on. I don't imagine at all she'd say no if I asked.
So why don't I? It's not that I don't want her to feel special nor loved. Most days I make sure knows she's fairly adored, and most birthdays and christmasi I usually go above and beyond. It's just that I feel that weddings are a bit silly, a bit old fashioned, antiquated and not really representative of the proposed meaning. I totally don't like that it's a massive industry, a massive stress and a complete distraction from the goals we're both striving for. Given the choice between a 10k wedding or a 10k album launch, 20k wedding or 20k international tour, I have no doubt the actual life goals would be hit first.
Buuuuuut, I also understand this is about emotions, dreams, being completely celebrated by friends and family, not watching your little sister, cousins, previously eternally single friends get hitched, etc. Understanding this basically leaves me with the choice of feeling cruddy for enforcing my wishes upon the person I care about most or feeling hypocritical for instigating something I just don't believe in. Lifelong repurcussions either way.
posted by Adam @ 2:57 PM
7 comments
7 Comments:
Adz, people think things. Sometimes thoughts surface unbidden, thoughts that can't be controlled. Sometimes they're thoughts that aren't welcome.
Just because someone thinks about something doesn't me it's something that they want.
But whatever?
Waves of good vibes to you both.
And stop beating yourself up, ok?
I mean it mate; stop beating yourself up. You're being a good dude, just carry on being a good dude - that's all any of us can do.
Weddings are good for inherent comedic potential. At some point, I may blog about my brother's legendary "oops we locked half the guests in a zoo and half the guests out of a zoo" wedding, or my own "now complete with humourous fountains" effort.
I did the big wedding thing, my sister is about to get married in a registry with dinner for the family at a french type place afterwards, and many of my friends, unsurprisingly, have skipped the whole thing.
Dude, & Ms Rock Chick, do whatever works best for both of you. And many good vibes in your direction from me also.
Elope! Skip the whole big wedding thing!
toadie and steph had these problems too... and look where they ended up.
Ok delayed response time:
Just to reiterate, I do not want to get married and I definitely do NOT want to have babies!
But... I can't help the fact that we are reared to want to do the former and genetically programmed to want to do the latter.
99.9% of the time I am completely totally utterly happy with the choices I have made and would almost certainly have made the same choices no matter which dude i was with. However every now and again I see or hear something which reminds me of things I might miss out on due to these choices and I feel a bit sad.
I in no way want my dude of awse to feel cruddy for enforcing his wishes on me as they are my wishes too! And the super happiness I feel about being with such a rockin dude totally outweighs the 0.01% of unhappy time that arises from these choices.
PS I don't know why blogger suddenly calls me Aussie!
Aha I figured it out.
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