It rained while I was walking to work today and being supersmart I took my little umbrella with me. It's totally weird having muggy way warm rainy weather but I could totally get used to it.

Anywho, then it stopped raining.
Whoooo! Best story ever.

I really only have to stop walking once in the mornings at some traffic lights right near the university. There are other lights but they don't have cars anywhere so I choose not to recognise them.

Since it had stopped raining and since I had stopped walking it seemed like the perfect time to pack away my umbrella.

Once it's all squished down to little, it's got a little sock thing to put over it. Man that was hard to put on. I tried holding it with one hard and shoving it in with the other - no dice. I tried using gravity - no deal, gravity is overrated. I ended up having to prop the umbrella against my stomach and using both hands to slide the little sock over the umbrella. That was still pretty freakin' hard, so I get my elbows in and bend over a bit and kinda ended up like peeling/rolling the sock on. Got a mental image?

Does that mental image at all resemble PUTTING A GIANT GODDAM CONDOM ON AT A SET OF LIGHTS SURROUNDED BY MANY, MANY UNI STUDENTS?!?

That's me, always teaching the kids.


So, that lead to me thinking about my old English teacher.

10 Reasons why my English teacher was worse than yours:


10. This one time, on one of those cruisey swotvac weeks (study week before exams) the office administator's dog wandered into our class. He kicked it so hard it ran yelping away.

9. His surname was the same word as 'a saucy love bite' someone might give you except you couldn't image anyone kissing this dude ever. Not even a chick would go there.

8. He'd bundle all our assignments into a manilla folder and chucked 'em in the back of his ute next to the horse sadles and manure.

7. He'd drive said ute to the closest possible point to the classroom door. Even if there was no road. Even if there was no road and it stopped people from entering or leaving the class.

6. He used to go hack if he used a word that you couldn't adequately define. So he demanded we put up our hands if any word was said that we didn't know. It's not a bad tactic except he'd spring on people to scare them and he never asked any other questions so we could still daydream, we just had to put up our hands when everyone else did. He was normally quite boring and taught me how to daydream but recall the last sentence said when he went berko.

5. He once kicked a dude out for writing in his English class. Class was for listening.

4. He once said "you're just a typical little fella" to the shortest kid in our class. Then went on to address the irrations of short men. Also, that same day he put a hole in our wall. He was telling a story about punching.

3. He had an article about spelling mistakes members of the Police had made. He went on ridiculing them for a while and I got over it and offered the opinion that maybe in moments of stress spelling wasn't the most important thing. I spent the rest of the term being referred to as 'the copper'.

2. He used the word 'abo' (short for aborigine) an amazing number of times. He also brought out every swearword on a fairly regular basis.

1. Only once did I get good marks for an assignment, my argument was for legalising murder as a means to combat over population in the world.