Wednesday, November 01, 2006

It rained while I was walking to work today and being supersmart I took my little umbrella with me. It's totally weird having muggy way warm rainy weather but I could totally get used to it.

Anywho, then it stopped raining.
Whoooo! Best story ever.

I really only have to stop walking once in the mornings at some traffic lights right near the university. There are other lights but they don't have cars anywhere so I choose not to recognise them.

Since it had stopped raining and since I had stopped walking it seemed like the perfect time to pack away my umbrella.

Once it's all squished down to little, it's got a little sock thing to put over it. Man that was hard to put on. I tried holding it with one hard and shoving it in with the other - no dice. I tried using gravity - no deal, gravity is overrated. I ended up having to prop the umbrella against my stomach and using both hands to slide the little sock over the umbrella. That was still pretty freakin' hard, so I get my elbows in and bend over a bit and kinda ended up like peeling/rolling the sock on. Got a mental image?

Does that mental image at all resemble PUTTING A GIANT GODDAM CONDOM ON AT A SET OF LIGHTS SURROUNDED BY MANY, MANY UNI STUDENTS?!?

That's me, always teaching the kids.


So, that lead to me thinking about my old English teacher.

10 Reasons why my English teacher was worse than yours:


10. This one time, on one of those cruisey swotvac weeks (study week before exams) the office administator's dog wandered into our class. He kicked it so hard it ran yelping away.

9. His surname was the same word as 'a saucy love bite' someone might give you except you couldn't image anyone kissing this dude ever. Not even a chick would go there.

8. He'd bundle all our assignments into a manilla folder and chucked 'em in the back of his ute next to the horse sadles and manure.

7. He'd drive said ute to the closest possible point to the classroom door. Even if there was no road. Even if there was no road and it stopped people from entering or leaving the class.

6. He used to go hack if he used a word that you couldn't adequately define. So he demanded we put up our hands if any word was said that we didn't know. It's not a bad tactic except he'd spring on people to scare them and he never asked any other questions so we could still daydream, we just had to put up our hands when everyone else did. He was normally quite boring and taught me how to daydream but recall the last sentence said when he went berko.

5. He once kicked a dude out for writing in his English class. Class was for listening.

4. He once said "you're just a typical little fella" to the shortest kid in our class. Then went on to address the irrations of short men. Also, that same day he put a hole in our wall. He was telling a story about punching.

3. He had an article about spelling mistakes members of the Police had made. He went on ridiculing them for a while and I got over it and offered the opinion that maybe in moments of stress spelling wasn't the most important thing. I spent the rest of the term being referred to as 'the copper'.

2. He used the word 'abo' (short for aborigine) an amazing number of times. He also brought out every swearword on a fairly regular basis.

1. Only once did I get good marks for an assignment, my argument was for legalising murder as a means to combat over population in the world.

13 Comments:

At 3:55 PM, Blogger meghansdiscontent said...

Completely unrelated: You are the WORST email returner of ALL time, Adam!

Related: HOW did your English instructor keep his job??????????????????????

 
At 4:23 PM, Blogger Adam said...

Related to unrelated: Whoa! Coooool. Can I have that in writing?


Related to related: The Principal was scared of him. Everyone was scared of him.

 
At 4:43 PM, Blogger Kris said...

Our English teacher just liked to smoke the weed and read us poems about having sex for 8 days then making coffe.

 
At 4:57 PM, Blogger Adam said...

Whoa! That's a little unusual. Where you guys like 15 years old?

 
At 5:36 PM, Blogger Enny said...

Heh heh.

Sorry for laughing.

He sounds terrible at the time, but as someone completely away from the incident it IS kinda funny... ;o)

 
At 6:22 PM, Blogger Adam said...

Gentle En, it was pretty funny at the time too. Teenage boys don't take anything seriously. The time he punched the wall, it got round the school in minimicroseconds.

Lulu, he didn't continue teaching much longer after we had him. He just hated it too much.

No, we weren't in the country at all, we were about 20 minutes out of Melbourne's central city. He used to drive for well over an hour to come to work.

Telling kids that Santas doesn't exist is ridiculously over-cruel. Why do something like that?

 
At 7:04 PM, Blogger Mars said...

What school did you go to?

 
At 8:07 PM, Blogger Jen said...

It's stories like these that make me think that if I am never anyone's "worst Teacher Ever!" I have done alright.

It's teachers like him who shouldn't teach because he clearly hates teaching and children. Using words like "Abo" and swearing in front of students is so incredibly inappropriate.

I think everyone has one teacher who was just the bit wrong. We had a sports teacher in highschool who made us play tunnel ball, but we had to crawl through the tunnel of legs in our tiny minidress sports uniform. Not long lafter that he stopped coming to school. He was weird.

P.S I love the name Bede, Lulu!! Mostly because it sounds like bead, and beads are awesome!

 
At 1:00 AM, Blogger Sarah said...

Wait a minute-Santa doesn't exist?

 
At 8:13 AM, Blogger Deb said...

haha thats funny.

I nearly poked my own eye out with an umbrella once. until this day I'd rather get drenched than try an wrestle with one of those.

My english teacher was a very short, skinny, nasty lady who would screech and slap you on the hand with a ruler if you didn't know the answer.

Oi, whats the go on the weekend of the 4th? anywhere we can go for a photo outing??

 
At 1:17 PM, Blogger Adam said...

Hey Fab Fab Fab,

I've totally got the weekend completely bereft of plans and so am totally up for any Adventures in Photography.

That said, I haven't planned anything yet, I've been distracted by other things. I'll see if I can scrouge anything up and let you know. In my experience, it can take a little bit to organise something good....

 
At 1:18 PM, Blogger Adam said...

Sarah, there comes an age where you must let go of the Santaness. That age is 30. Enjoy the santalovin.

 
At 2:04 PM, Blogger Kris said...

Lulu- Thanks Mr.K was a cool teacher..and he had a nice butt.

Adam- Yah we were like 15 year old teenage girls at the time. I went to an all girls school.

We secretly thought he was hiding the weed in his coffee.

 

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