Monday, December 22, 2008

Elevator at the end.

Man, I do this every time I'm in a hurry. I run into the building and bolt into the elevator, without checking to see if I'm running into the elevator that really should be avoided at all costs.

This morning, I pressed 10 without even realising I was in the wrong elevator, and Whammo! I'm there hanging with my 10 year old self instead of getting to work on time. Stupid time machine, different colour doors just aren't enough for dumbos like me.

Anyway, waiting for the timemachine to come back round, I thought I'd talk to the kid (ie, me) to kill time. Usually I just ignore him and mutter quasi cursewords.

"Duuuuuuuude, I'm from the future, whoooOOoooOoo."

"Cool, can you come back later, I'm watching Inspector Gadget?"

"Young Adam, I'm from the future, I can tell you amazing things, I can answer any question you have."

"What happens next to Go Go Gadget?"

"Um, I dunno, the dude causes an accident that Brain has to solve. Hey, ever notice that Brain seems a lot like Gromit, as in, 'Wallace and'?"


"Never mind dude. Man, look how little you are, how do you ever reach anything? Can your arms even lift those hands? Can you possibly have any economic value at that height?"

"Nuh. I can jump real high and run real fast. Wanna see my Batman cards?"

"Heh, I remember those. Anyway, never mind that, I've got some things to tell you."


"Hey, whoa! Lego! Man, I loved this so bad, let me build something."

"Hey, stop taking things apart, that's my flying surfboard... stoppiiiittttt, I'll call my Mum."

"Alright, alright, geeez. Anyway, my advice to you is...... play sport in highschool and learn to swim."

"I love going to the pool!"

"Good, make sure you learn to swim. It's a good skill to have, and that way you won't have to pull out of a triathlon when you're older because the sea was crazy rough."

"I also like going to the park. And playing frisbee with my Dad."

"Um, okay, yeah, that's swell."

"Anything else?"

"Um, let's see, maybe do the Violin for more than one semester."

"The violin? Can't I play the drums? Hee hee, An...i..mal hurr hurr hurr."

"Kids are crazy. Later dude."


"Wait, will we have flying cars and dragons as friends?"

"Nuh man. The future is a total ripoff. We'll have crazy small computers and carry around phones."

"We have a computer, it takes a long time to load Double Dragon."

"Yeah, they still take a long time to do stuff, but the graphics will be much better. So long kiddo."

I got in the real elevator, pressed Level 10 and did the usual round of excuses. Waiting for the machine to boot up and connect to so many networks, I realised that apart from being a bit more sporty as a kid there isn't really anything I'd change.

I think I could have been heaps freakin' good at footy and basketball and whatever else, but by the time I wanted to give it a shot, everyone else had already been playing it forever and had mad ace skills of awes.

Also, just a word of warning, 10 years olds are exactly like talking to a simpleton. I'm sure I remember being smart. Hmmm, maybe I just caught myself at a bad time.

Nothing else has really changed in two decades years. Cars are still pretty much the same, computers are smaller, but still break and take ages to do things, people don't even have any superpowers or laser fingers or anything. There isn't a single hoverboard or death robot in sight. We still have to work and emotions are still running rampant, making all our decisions. Food is still edible and totally required and really not much different.

Am I expecting too much?
C'Mon 20 Years, do something!


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